keep on falling

[quiixlovesxfob]

I wrote this, tell me what you think.

keep on falling.

I trip and stumble
thats what I do
my words, a mumble
when I'm with you

there's things I'll never say
I'm trying to be so perfect
I always hope I'll say it today
but for now I'm afraid it's not worth it

I want you to stay
just don't let go
when the feelings fade away
my feelings finally show

I fall to fast
break hearts too soon
I want to make it last
instead of hoping upon the moon

so don't fall right through me
fall right above
I'm hoping you have the key
so I can finally fall in love.

[JimGray]

Hmmmmmm... no, thanks.

[GhostMachine]

Now this one I see as cliche as far as the topic goes. The idea was slightly original but overall it was lacking in everything. The flow again didn't make it through all the way. The imagery really wasn't there either.

[intensified]

Now this one I see as cliche as far as the topic goes. The idea was slightly original but overall it was lacking in everything. The flow again didn't make it through all the way. The imagery really wasn't there either.

Agreed.

To me, it came across as forced rhyming. Let it come more naturally next time.

[Baby VenomVeins]

Very very very forced rhyming.
Be clever d00d!

[matt_rawlings]

pretty damn lame

[The Acoustic]

Give her a bit of slack, anyone would have thought this forum was called "have a go at other people's songs".

The imagery in the song is quite good and the song has a good theme
Just try to toy around with a few of the words to make the song flow more.
If anything in the song feels out of place to you then take it out and replace it with something that fits what the song is about better.

Remember to write the song for yourself. Don't worry what others think of it- if you like it then it is a good song.

[JimGray]

Give her a bit of slack, anyone would have thought this forum was called "have a go at other people's songs".

The imagery in the song is quite good and the song has a good theme
Just try to toy around with a few of the words to make the song flow more.
If anything in the song feels out of place to you then take it out and replace it with something that fits what the song is about better.

Remember to write the song for yourself. Don't worry what others think of it- if you like it then it is a good song.

No, if it is a good song, than it is a good song.

[GhostMachine]

^Agreed.