tell me what you think?

[freefall123]

i just wrote this as in like a spur of the moment thing so it only took like a quick 5 or 10 min.


girl dont leave me lying in the dirt. im been trying to get my piont across just open hears. so my thoughts can come in loud and clear
why wont you give me one more chance after i gave you the world. i gave you my heart.
and in your darkest hours i brought you light. but you just kept painting me out of your picture.
cant you just make me think that im your brightest gold metal hanging on your wall your prize posestion. i that you said that i was worth dying for.
i wish i was just caught in a dream were we would always be.
how could you bury me deep in the back of your head. how could you live this throw?

[intensified]

Never post something that only took you 5-10 minutes. Seriously.
There were so many gramatical errors, it lost my attention.
Better luck next time.

[freefall123]

Never post something that only took you 5-10 minutes. Seriously.
There were so many gramatical errors, it lost my attention.
Better luck next time.

hows this i tried to fix it up

girl dont leave me lying in the dirt im been trying to get my piont across just open hears so my thoughts can come in loud and clear
why wont you give me one more chance after i gave you the world, i gave you my heart
and in your darkest hours i brought you light but you just kept painting me out of your picture
cant you just make me think that im your brightest gold medal hanging on your wall your prize possestion i that you said that i was worth dying for.
i wish i was just caught in a dream were we would always be
how could you bury me deep in the back of your head.

[intensified]

hows this i tried to fix it up

girl dont leave me lying in the dirt im been trying to get my piont across just open hears so my thoughts can come in loud and clear
why wont you give me one more chance after i gave you the world, i gave you my heart
and in your darkest hours i brought you light but you just kept painting me out of your picture
cant you just make me think that im your brightest gold medal hanging on your wall your prize possestion i that you said that i was worth dying for.
i wish i was just caught in a dream were we would always be
how could you bury me deep in the back of your head.


It's still gramatically incorrect.
It may not be too bad if I didn't get confused on some of the parts.

[JimGray]

I gave up reading it.

Sorry.

I read it over like 7 times and didn't get it.

[freefall123]

I gave up reading it.

Sorry.

I read it over like 7 times and didn't get it.

its cool thanks for trying to read it though lol. its like my first lyrics so ill just have to keep trying.

[Baby VenomVeins]

Didn't get it either. Punctuation is all the rage these days.

[JimGray]

Didn't get it either. Punctuation is all the rage these days.

You make me smile.