Simpler, But Much More Magical

[SockMonkeyRiot]

You and I can go where we wanna go
and if you want we can take it slow
if all the roads are blocked, well I don't care
we can sink in the floor, evaporate in the air
ride on the wind, travel through time
we won't go anywhere unless it rhymes

and all the birds will sing in perfect harmony
as if each one was calling out "Hey, its spring!"

over through the mountains there is a secret path
where every step you take will make you laugh
it will lead you to a beautiful field
where everything is fake and impossibly real

and all the children play like butterflies courting a flower
as if each one was telling you "Hey, its now!"

[Chris Fallon]

Your rhymes are way too obvious and pretty juvenile.

Sorry, I just don't like it. Not very creative in my opinion.

[SockMonkeyRiot]

a lot of times people get so caught up in making their song "unique" or "original" that they sacrifice making it sound "good." Like those kids who decide that it is totally not artistic if they use rhyme (not saying that of you), whose songs end up sounding awkward.

The "simpler" in the title is important to this song as that was what I had in mind when I did the AABB style rhyme. I respect your opinion and that you do not like it but please know that everything about it was completely deliberate.

[Seina]

I think that the first two lines were the best, I think that you might want to take those to lines alone and try to make something new of it, establish the theme more, and make it more meaningful.