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popdisaster530
12/27/03, 07:47 AM
Hey, wrote this earlier this morning...dont know if i like it. more of a poem, kind of in response to this whole Terrorist threat level scare.

They painted over the words of prophets
on subway walls
they mercilessly raped our silver linings &
decked the halls

and all the swells of laughing children
become engulfed in superstition
lying in their fallout shelters
waiting for the threat level to fall
to stall
this time
.....
Money cannot meet their needs
the solution lines our city streets
they cant steal society
contrary to popular belief

and all the swells of laughing children
become engulfed in superstition
lying in their fallout shelters
waiting for the threat level to fall
to stall
this time
.....
And all the things we learned in school
or picked subliminally
are turned and used for their "better good"
eventually

and all the swells of laughing children
become engulfed in superstition
lying in their fallout shelters
waiting for the threat level to fall
to stall
this time
.....

tbs152
12/27/03, 12:05 PM
really fucking good, great use of imagery...."They painted over the words of prophets
on subway walls
they mercilessly raped our silver linings &
decked the halls"

sick... i really like it

popdisaster530
12/28/03, 06:47 AM
Thanks, i think i might not repeat this part sooo often, it gets very repetitive with such small verses

and all the swells of laughing children
become engulfed in superstition
lying in their fallout shelters
waiting for the threat level to fall
to stall
this time

Any more suggestions?

BuriedAlive
12/28/03, 10:06 AM
wow, im impressed, a huge improvement from your other writings. keep it up.

BuriedAlive
12/28/03, 10:09 AM
and all the swells of laughing children
become engulfed in superstition
lying in their fallout shelters
waiting for the threat level to fall
to stall
this time

dont repeat it that much.. i would maybe start the song out with it... do it after the first 2 verses the again and then after the 3rd verse.

or do it after the 2nd verse and then twice at the end.

i dont know experiment with it.

soreloser
12/28/03, 11:13 PM
yes... honestly, this song is much better than the ones you have posted before. you show much improvement, good work.

popdisaster530
12/30/03, 12:54 PM
any more suggestions?