Apocalypse 321/The End.

[punkpixie]

Somethings not right today
I feel wrong and it's all my fault
I lost it all, there's nothing left to say
Should I wait till the sky turns black?
Or take it all back?
Or piss it all away?

Chorus:
Today is not like yesterday
A moment in the past
Things they will never last,
And today I wish were yesterday
Just knowing things would mend
I felt better then.

So face to face with this I stand
I wait in line but there's no hand
To guide me through this fucked up place,
When did life turn into a race?
Is this the finish line?
Am I running out of time?

Chorus:
Today is not lke yesterday
A moment in the past
Things they will never last
And today I wish were yesterday
Just knowing things would mend
I felt better then.

If I lend you my thoughts will you see my point of view?
(this is the end, eveythings broken again)
If I lend you my thoughts will you see my point of view?
(this is the end, everythings broken again)

Chorus:
Today is not like yesterday
Amoment in the past
Things they will never last
And today I wish were yesterday
Just knowing things would mend
I felt better then.

During last chorus:
(I taste the salt of blood and tears,
This is the end, the end of our fears.)

Any suggestions/comments would be great, also I can't decide on the title. Thanks.
:D

[saving face]

First off, what about Everythings Broken Again for the title. I like to take a word or a sentence from my songs and use them in the title.

But I think the songs cool, its got a very theUsed vibe to it, which is cool, theyre one of my fave bands and a huge influence to me. Seeing them live was amazing, hes one of the best front men i've seen.

-'would you see my point of view' this was my fave part.

[punkpixie]

Yeah I did think about that for the title but it just seemed too obvious to me, I like non-obvious titles for songs. I thought of apocalypse 321 because when I read it back to myself it sounded like a song about the apocalypse "should i wait till the sky turns black" etc... Any other comments anyone?

[punkpixie]

Bump. Please comment.:cool:

[popdisaster530]

Nice, what about "the finish line" for a title.

[punkpixie]

What about the finish line for a title

I would but thats a yellowcard song.

[punkpixie]

bump.

[BuriedAlive]

"Somethings not right today
I feel wrong and it's all my fault
I lost it all, there's nothing left to say
Should I wait till the sky turns black?
Or take it all back?
Or piss it all away?"

this verse needs alot of work in my mind. and you ask alot of questions in the song. ALOT.

[punkpixie]

yeah well. I dont think you would notice them as much if I hadn't put question marks at the ends of them. I know the first verse needs work, I hoped someone would pick up on it, any suggestions? (oh no another question!!) lol.

[BuriedAlive]

well you couldnt tell all of them but yes you can tell most of them. but i would maybe try to rephrase them to get rid of the all the questions.

[punkpixie]

Merci beaucoup! Did you like the rest of the stuff, disregard the questions.

[BuriedAlive]

Originally posted by punkpixie
Merci beaucoup! Did you like the rest of the stuff, disregard the questions.

and with the exception of the first verse.

[TravvPoopington]

Yellowcard is a shitty band, and nobody will remember "The Finish Line" in a year. Steal that title.

Now as far as your song goes, it's a piece of crap. Don't quit your day job as a gay hooker, loser.

[xxMichaelxx]

Fuck you 'Travv' she can quit her dayjob if she wants. i like this song, my only beef is with curse words, not because I am a puritan, but it makes everything sound trashy to me personally. Same with the first verse with the line "piss it all away" it just makes it sound like a pop song thats trying to prove its not poserish, probably a line that Simple Plan is gonna use in their new record...

[BuriedAlive]

Originally posted by TravvPoopington
Yellowcard is a shitty band, and nobody will remember "The Finish Line" in a year. Steal that title.

Now as far as your song goes, it's a piece of crap. Don't quit your day job as a gay hooker, loser.
well with sitty advice like that you shouldnt quit your day job either. i mean seriously if you can give constructive criticism then whats the point in wasting your time just talking shit?

[punkpixie]

I know that this song isnt that good, it took me like 10 minutes to write, I put it on here so I could get some help how to improve it. Not so that fucktards like you could look at it and tell me not to quit my day job. I dont value your opinion anyway 'Travv poopington', crawl back under your rock.

[TravvPoopington]

I dont value your opinion anyway 'Travv poopington', crawl back under your rock.
As soon as I get internet access there.