loohsee
04/23/08, 09:47 AM
"keep me afloat" spoke one tide
so good of nature laying flat,
pooled within my thirsty palm,
'til rippling further in alarm.
waves encircled round our knees
as you grasped about them,
tearing through their mids and crests,
the structure buckled under stress.
your open face
is shedding grace,
unearthed by the ugly.
and every gentleman,
stubbled when they began
to grow their image through, like you.
spoiled fish drifted out the jaws,
to be bruised by fleeting blue,
pumelled into heavy strands,
that laced my field of view.
pinpricked eyes, beads of salt
that've nestled in the grey,
queer your eyes should compliment
what you churned up into spray.
this is also mostly metaphoric, but just to break it down because i know i never fit it all into the lines:
this person and I are 'in the ocean' with all these other people, and as they get near (the waves) she rips them apart. the tide in my hand is a person i knew who would come to me for help from her but i only helped him for selfish reasons. the fish that are destroyed are metaphors for the things that are said when people retreat from her and they spread and linger around. and the last bit is how the bitterness always sticks to her afterwards and she can't see that she's so similar to everyone else.
the rhymes and imagery are a bit cheesy in a story kinda way, but i'm not too bothered.
so good of nature laying flat,
pooled within my thirsty palm,
'til rippling further in alarm.
waves encircled round our knees
as you grasped about them,
tearing through their mids and crests,
the structure buckled under stress.
your open face
is shedding grace,
unearthed by the ugly.
and every gentleman,
stubbled when they began
to grow their image through, like you.
spoiled fish drifted out the jaws,
to be bruised by fleeting blue,
pumelled into heavy strands,
that laced my field of view.
pinpricked eyes, beads of salt
that've nestled in the grey,
queer your eyes should compliment
what you churned up into spray.
this is also mostly metaphoric, but just to break it down because i know i never fit it all into the lines:
this person and I are 'in the ocean' with all these other people, and as they get near (the waves) she rips them apart. the tide in my hand is a person i knew who would come to me for help from her but i only helped him for selfish reasons. the fish that are destroyed are metaphors for the things that are said when people retreat from her and they spread and linger around. and the last bit is how the bitterness always sticks to her afterwards and she can't see that she's so similar to everyone else.
the rhymes and imagery are a bit cheesy in a story kinda way, but i'm not too bothered.