Chloroform & Camoflauge

[xxMichaelxx]

Chloroform & Camoflauge

Step on the gas as you reluctantly comply
watch as your barriers are broken like a heart
feel the inertia as the berings overload
dream of the past as you tear your future apart

hold your breath and take the plunge
feel the cloroform take its path
try to comprehend that when your day is up
why you were the target of my inhuman wrath

as your senses are depleated
the defendant approaches the bench
serve your subpoienas like an ambush
and leave the hospital bed drenched

you can feel the aura of this nightmare
engulf the entreaty and execute my dreams
capture the moment in a photograph
silent to the years of muffled screams
that fell on dead ears

look down the barrel of this unloaded tounge
with every bullet, another scar is made
every lyric is meant to disorient
and the world is chanting: Shoot to Kill

Take flight, take wing
Your death, my dream
just keep the tempo steady
this countdown to lift off
i wont let you leave

[punkpixie]

I liked this. Especially the last part "take flight, take wing,your death,my dream" that was my favourite. I think that because the verses are quite powerful you should give this song a chorus. I think that this will make it sound more like a whole song and not a poem.

[MaybeOneDay]

I fucking love the title to this song.

[Touched]

Originally posted by MaybeOneDay
I fucking love the title to this song.

Yea it's cool, so too is the song. :)

[TravvPoopington]

Originally posted by MaybeOneDay
I fucking love the title to this song.
Yeah, too bad the rest totally blows.

It could use more use of metaphor, and maybe a reference to Hulk Hogan or Superfly Snuka.

[Silent 007]

That fuckin fuckin fuckin fuckin sucked.

Seriously, ever heard of fuckin talent?

[punkpixie]

^^^^
Ever heard of a word other than 'fuckin'.:rolleyes:

[TravvPoopington]

Originally posted by punkpixie
^^^^
Ever heard of a word other than 'fuckin'.:rolleyes:
He used just as many non-'fuckin' words in his post as you did in that one :confused:

[punkpixie]

I like the way you try to stick up for this guy because hes an ass like you. It must be nice to know that you are not alone in a world full of people who have brains and a personality.

[TravvPoopington]

Originally posted by punkpixie
I like the way you try to stick up for this guy because hes an ass like you. It must be nice to know that you are not alone in a world full of people who have brains and a personality.
Ooooh, that stings man. Someone from an internet forum is making judgments on my intelligence and personality!

We all know you love me, but please, if you wanna continue the pillow talk, do it via PM.

[BuriedAlive]

Originally posted by TravvPoopington
Ooooh, that stings man. Someone from an internet forum is making judgments on my intelligence and personality!

We all know you love me, but please, if you wanna continue the pillow talk, do it via PM.
who is the first best song writer?

[TravvPoopington]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
who is the first best song writer?
Bob Dylan of course.

[pUnkKid174]

i loved the "...Take flight, take wing...i wont let you leave" part...favourite in the whole song, but the whole thing was great...