Martyr Behavior

[xxMichaelxx]

fuck the haters... i like this song

Martyr Behavior

Push me down to the floor
that is covered with glass shattered like hopes
the shards mark clever creations in my palms
not unlike those of a martyr
sing to me as i lie bleeding
in my own twisted fantasy
take my sorrow and warp it into
your own massive massacre
the question now lies in those places
the answer never can survive
do you see my hands shaking?
do you see what happens when you
take my life into your hands?
patterns etched on my arms
the veins rupture at precisely
the second the bullet left this gun
twisting towards its target with out regard
when it hits the target, beware
because time is a heartless beast
does the sight of me really invoke these
self destructive tendencies in you?
all i wanted is to make you happy
but its too much to ask

[BuriedAlive]

i didnt really get a kick out of reading this one. i dont really like it. i dont really know what it is about it but i just dont like it. it may be the first line... it has the hugest impact on me and yours wasnt anything special.

[popdisaster530]

Originally posted by xxMichaelxx
fuck the haters... i like this song

Martyr Behavior

Push me down to the floor
that is covered with glass shattered like hopes
the shards mark clever creations in my palms
not unlike those of a martyr
sing to me as i lie bleeding
in my own twisted fantasy
take my sorrow and warp it into
your own massive massacre
the question now lies in those places
the answer never can survive
do you see my hands shaking?
do you see what happens when you
take my life into your hands?
patterns etched on my arms
the veins rupture at precisely
the second the bullet left this gun
twisting towards its target with out regard
when it hits the target, beware
because time is a heartless beast
does the sight of me really invoke these
self destructive tendencies in you?
all i wanted is to make you happy
but its too much to ask

hm..I dont like this one as much as the other of yours that i read, i cant really find the structure, how it fits together has escaped me,. The only real correction i have is, massive massacre: a bad alliteration, find another synonym for massive, or just change the adjective completely. Also: that is covered with glass: i dont know if you purposely stretched that out for structure reasons or not, but it seems like itd be better as simply, covered with glass. Thats all i can say, you might want to spend some extra time on that one. you have some good ideas in there though.

[xxMichaelxx]

i wrote this song when i was high, so dont study it too literally, i just hadnt been on here in a while, and decided to add random songs on here, so take it for what its worth