Ramblings of the Unoriginal

[TK]

So this was wrote rather quickly, and I'm not sure how I feel about it as a whole, as it feels a bit all over the place and flow is pretty bad. But I thought I post it, and see what you guys think before I trash it.

I slept for ages
While I dreamed the whole story away
and not just another portion that never mattered.
I watched as those warm faces and places
Became unfamiliar, and I wondered,
"Where did all my comfort go?"

Awaken to a new world,
Completely unexplored.
What will God define me as?
A adventurer or simply a tourist
In danger to all the things unknown
Perhaps I'll be labeled a hopeless romantic
But I don't think I'd ever make it
Let alone fake it or have it
I am what I'll always be
But you already knew this...

Wise beyond your years
But you waste your time
With devotions and lessons of illustrations
To attract attention away from the holes
Dug up with sensible logic
But I admit, I am not much better
I attempt to fill the crevices of my life
with the most foolish of things
But they always escape and break free
and come back to haunt me

Now with a second chance,
I will learn from my mistakes
I'll slowly start to bend
before I finally break away
From each chain one at a time.

[claudie877]

a little bit wordy and the flow is a little off.

[TK]

Thanks for the feedback.

[TK]

Anyone else thoughts? Should I just scrap this?

[matt_rawlings]

I liked it, some great line here and there, but I can in no way see this functioning as a song

[bootsydan]

I don't know. Not your best.

Sorry to be so unhelpful.

The third verse was the best.

[TK]

I liked it, some great line here and there, but I can in no way see this functioning as a song

Well, I'm glad that you liked it. And yeah, I didn't write this trying to make it a song. I almost never do, except my last one.(which people didn't like, ha) After I learn guitar, I plan on going back on all the stuff I wrote that was well received here and some stuff that wasn't, but I really liked(my last one for example) and change them from a poem structure into a song structure.

Thanks for the feedback, appreciate it.

I don't know. Not your best.

Sorry to be so unhelpful.

The third verse was the best.

It's okay, I suppose the fact you didn't tear it apart means it's not terrible. And I'm surprise about the third verse, it was my least favorite, but I'm glad someone liked it. Thanks for the little(lol) feedback.