couple of different ones...

[jimeatwrldfan]

"The best day of my life"

sitting here with the tv shadowing across this empty room
miserable when I think of you just hoping to be with you soon
It could be so much better and I know that you deserve all you can get
So i’m sorry if I may forget, but it will turn out for the best

You’ve opened my eyes wider than I thought I could
You’ve shown me what people are and how you’re so much better
It’s more than just some stupid thing, I know I feel something now

It was never something simple
It was never what it seemed
It was never what we both would like it to be
Never get any harder
Than what we’re at right now
You’ll never let me fall back to the ground

Dreaming of the sweetest thing that only we can do
Of kissing in the hallways and underneath the stars
Or sneaking out late at night and hiding out in cars
Or talking each other to sleep when that’s all we wanna do
Or laughing loud and being best friends like we always knew

Back to my cold dark room in the middle of December
back to my thoughts of you and all the thoughts I’ll remember...

I was thinking it was never simple
Never what it seemed
Never what we’d ever want to be
You know we’re in love and that’s all I want
Until the day I die
So just make everyday of mine the best day of my life



"Banned Rules"-- just started this & not finished and not good. just read

you always bring me down
I’ll kiss you until i’m to the ground
I know that’s what you want
It’s all you ever want
So don’t try and push me away
There’s no shame baby
just let me make you feel ok
i’ll make you feel ok

loosen your jeans and ring my tongue around you
listen to your whispers of what you want me to do
I’m only stopping for a second sweetie
Just wait for her, don’t be greedy
This will end you, too much pain to breath
suffocate under the blankets and break the hand grasped to the sheets

Bring me down
kissing me until you hit the ground
You know what I want
We won’t get caught
So don’t try and push me away
No shame baby
Just make me feel ok

[xxMichaelxx]

for the first song, i think putting you in the second line twice is redundant, and slows down the overall flow of it.
"Dreaming of the sweetest thing that only we can do
Of kissing in the hallways and underneath the stars
Or sneaking out late at night and hiding out in cars
Or talking each other to sleep when that’s all we wanna do
Or laughing loud and being best friends like we always knew

Back to my cold dark room in the middle of December
back to my thoughts of you and all the thoughts I’ll remember..."
i love how the tones change in the bridge, from being cheerful to the sudden dreariness. And finally, i think you should change the line "Until the day I die" since thats a Story of the Year song.

For the second song, i like the concept, even though the subject has already been covered by Brand New, it still is brought out and is really intriguing. keep working on it, its got a good foundation.

[jimeatwrldfan]

good advice. i didn't even notice the 2 you's in the same line...i just wrote. and the second one is pretty bad...i didn't like it very much. and i don't think the line 'until the day i die' should be ruled out of every song just because this one band comes along and has their first hit with it. it's a timeless line that can be much more meaningful in a good slow song rather than a punky/pop sellout song by Story of the Year. Not that that's a bad song... :)
ok...how bout this?

"sitting here with the tv shadowing across this empty room
miserable when I think of just hoping to be with you
It could be so much better and I know that you deserve it
So i’m sorry if I may forget, but it will turn out for the best

You’ve opened my eyes wider than I thought I could
You’ve shown me what people are and how you’re so much better
It’s more than just some stupid thing, I know I feel something now

It was never something simple
It was never what it seemed
It was never what we both would like it to be
Never get any harder
Than what we’re at right now
You’ll never let me fall back to the ground

Dreaming of the sweetest thing that only we can do
Of kissing in the hallways and underneath the stars
sneaking out late at night and hiding out in cars
talking each other to sleep when that’s all we wanna do
Or laughing loud and being best friends like we always knew

Back to my cold dark room in the middle of December
back to my thoughts of you, all the thoughts I'm left to remember

I was thinking it was never simple
Never what it seemed
Never what we’d ever want to be
You know we’re in love and that’s all I want
Remember my voice when you're hoping to get caught
To show me how to make everyday the best day of my life"


better? worse? i only changed the last and first verses...hmm

[xxMichaelxx]

much better.