PunkR0xx0rs!LOL
01/07/04, 03:34 AM
http://www.anatol.org/images/america/america1/nails/sandiego-homeless.jpg
Meet Marty. He’s 36 years old. And homeless. He first became homeless when put all his life savings into Sega Saturn stock. The poor fool never stood a chance. Marty is an avid computer game fan, but admittedly he hasn’t played on many games for a while. So when I challenged him to a Game-off he jumped at the idea.
Many of you will be wondering why I put up with a smelly old homeless person getting his greasy claw like hands on my beloved computer game controllers. Well I wanted to prove a point.
Homeless people are morons.
Marty arrives dead on time, which is surprising because he sold his watch for a quarter pound of beef jerky. After a brief bit of small talk, (I asked him where he holidayed in the summer, he said in the storm drains) we get down to business.
The challenge: Mario Kart: Double Dash
Gamespot.com describes Mario Kart as “a small disc that you put into your Gamecube”
We both agree to play on 100cc and I recommend the Flower Cup. I choose a formidable team Waluigi and Kooper Trooper. We are riding in Waluigi's Badass pimp mobile. Marty proves his greeness straight away by choosing a terrible team of Donkey Kong and Mario.
“Who the hell is Waluigi” cries Marty.
“Your poor fool Marty. I’m guessing you were on the streets when Mario Tennis 64 came out!” I reply.
I take the first race and score myself a meaty 10 points. Marty comes in third.
“w00t” I exclaim to the top of my lungs.
“What does w00t means” asks Marty.
“Oh you poor smelly old fool.” I say in a loving tone.
In the second race I’m totally owning poor Marty. But in an inspired comeback Marty brings himself into second.
“The controller is too small” says Marty in an annoyed tone. “And this game is too kiddy.”
“Too kiddy Marty? Look at yourself in the mirror you moron. You’re wearing a Mickey Mouse jumper that you found in a dumpster!”
But in the third race disaster stuck aboard the Daisy Cruiser. You’re hero and narrator is storming along in first place, with Marty 5 seconds behind. It’s the last stretch and suddenly Marty has his pathetic little prayers answered. He gets 3 red shells. Marty takes first place and shock horror I drop down to fifth!
“That’s more like it.” says Marty with a gruff chuckle.
“You maybe laughing now, but let’s not forget who is sleeping in a Walmart shopping trolley tonight!” I reply, which promptly shut Marty up.
It’s the last race and we are on equal points. Our brows are sweating as Marty pulls away from me at the start line. At the end of the first lap it’s neck and neck, but he takes a bigger lead when I get hit by a red shell from behind.
“Argghh.” I scream “I see you’ve got your stooges to help you out!”
My dear friends you should have seen the look on my face. Marty the smelly old homeless loser beating you’re loving narrator at the old Double Dash! We fly into the third and final lap and Marty is a clear 3 seconds ahead. From the smile on his face, you might have thought someone had told him he’d won the lottery. Not likely, Marty hasn’t even got enough money for a ticket (Hah!).
“I’m going to win” shouts Marty.
But his cockiness gets the better of him and he slips on a banana skin.
“Argggh”
I fly by and take first place. Little tears form in Marty’s eyes as he settles for second. My friends, now is the time to rub it in his face.
“Marty you smelly loser! You slipped on a banana skin, the most easily avoidable of all the power-ups. You thought that this would be the first successful thing you had done in years, but you were wrong. You’ve proved once again, how much of a failure you are!”
So with a sad farewell, my homeless buddy left my house into the cold winter night.
I guess it’s time for my to reflect. Sure Marty was a nice guy. Sure Marty showed lots of enthusiasm. Sure he put up a good challenge. But in the end the better man one. And once again I proved that “Homeless People are Morons!”
Meet Marty. He’s 36 years old. And homeless. He first became homeless when put all his life savings into Sega Saturn stock. The poor fool never stood a chance. Marty is an avid computer game fan, but admittedly he hasn’t played on many games for a while. So when I challenged him to a Game-off he jumped at the idea.
Many of you will be wondering why I put up with a smelly old homeless person getting his greasy claw like hands on my beloved computer game controllers. Well I wanted to prove a point.
Homeless people are morons.
Marty arrives dead on time, which is surprising because he sold his watch for a quarter pound of beef jerky. After a brief bit of small talk, (I asked him where he holidayed in the summer, he said in the storm drains) we get down to business.
The challenge: Mario Kart: Double Dash
Gamespot.com describes Mario Kart as “a small disc that you put into your Gamecube”
We both agree to play on 100cc and I recommend the Flower Cup. I choose a formidable team Waluigi and Kooper Trooper. We are riding in Waluigi's Badass pimp mobile. Marty proves his greeness straight away by choosing a terrible team of Donkey Kong and Mario.
“Who the hell is Waluigi” cries Marty.
“Your poor fool Marty. I’m guessing you were on the streets when Mario Tennis 64 came out!” I reply.
I take the first race and score myself a meaty 10 points. Marty comes in third.
“w00t” I exclaim to the top of my lungs.
“What does w00t means” asks Marty.
“Oh you poor smelly old fool.” I say in a loving tone.
In the second race I’m totally owning poor Marty. But in an inspired comeback Marty brings himself into second.
“The controller is too small” says Marty in an annoyed tone. “And this game is too kiddy.”
“Too kiddy Marty? Look at yourself in the mirror you moron. You’re wearing a Mickey Mouse jumper that you found in a dumpster!”
But in the third race disaster stuck aboard the Daisy Cruiser. You’re hero and narrator is storming along in first place, with Marty 5 seconds behind. It’s the last stretch and suddenly Marty has his pathetic little prayers answered. He gets 3 red shells. Marty takes first place and shock horror I drop down to fifth!
“That’s more like it.” says Marty with a gruff chuckle.
“You maybe laughing now, but let’s not forget who is sleeping in a Walmart shopping trolley tonight!” I reply, which promptly shut Marty up.
It’s the last race and we are on equal points. Our brows are sweating as Marty pulls away from me at the start line. At the end of the first lap it’s neck and neck, but he takes a bigger lead when I get hit by a red shell from behind.
“Argghh.” I scream “I see you’ve got your stooges to help you out!”
My dear friends you should have seen the look on my face. Marty the smelly old homeless loser beating you’re loving narrator at the old Double Dash! We fly into the third and final lap and Marty is a clear 3 seconds ahead. From the smile on his face, you might have thought someone had told him he’d won the lottery. Not likely, Marty hasn’t even got enough money for a ticket (Hah!).
“I’m going to win” shouts Marty.
But his cockiness gets the better of him and he slips on a banana skin.
“Argggh”
I fly by and take first place. Little tears form in Marty’s eyes as he settles for second. My friends, now is the time to rub it in his face.
“Marty you smelly loser! You slipped on a banana skin, the most easily avoidable of all the power-ups. You thought that this would be the first successful thing you had done in years, but you were wrong. You’ve proved once again, how much of a failure you are!”
So with a sad farewell, my homeless buddy left my house into the cold winter night.
I guess it’s time for my to reflect. Sure Marty was a nice guy. Sure Marty showed lots of enthusiasm. Sure he put up a good challenge. But in the end the better man one. And once again I proved that “Homeless People are Morons!”