PunkR0xx0rs!LOL
01/07/04, 04:51 PM
Old people! Generally they are disrespected by society. Many old people fear to go out into public.
But why?
Is it because they are slow witted and feeble in comparison to us?
Or is it that they are not clued up on the times?
My pondering of the subject led me to my local old peoples home. I decided that if old people are to be respected in society I should introduce them to the new youth culture. No longer would they have to fear the young!
I was going to introduce the old to hip hop!
“Fo Sizzle my Nizzle” I exclaim as I walk in.
“Bless you” said Larry
“No you old fool, I wasn’t sneezing, I’m talking ebonics” I replied.
“Oh ain’t he a darling” said Betty. Betty was clearly obese. She kept trying to pull at my cheeks for some reason. I don’t know why? Perhaps to check if I had pre-chewed food in my mouth.
“I ain’t no hamster beeyatch!” I said and pushed her to the ground.
Next to greet me was Frank. Frank was the kind of guy who tried to shake your hand really hard to prove a point. But his hand shake was so weak due to his age. The only thing he proved was how pathetic he was. I showed him how to really shake a hand, and broken two of his fingers in the process. Most of the old folk were still talking in 50s slang. Hip cats were cool people. Squares were uncool people. After 2 hours of ebonics learning Larry finally got it.
“Word my pimp!” said Larry in his feeble old voice.
Next up was break dancing. You should have seen the old folk. They were about as flexible as a hippos making love. Although Edna the former Ballerina was picking it up pretty fast. She got the helicopter spin down like she’d been born in the Bronx rather than Ohio.
So they knew how to talk. They knew how to dance. Then came the mating call of the youth culture these days. Rapping!
Leonard, a Vietnam vet was laying down his phat rhymes:
“Charlie! All over the place.
I bust my rifle right in their face.
So you better step back cause Leonard is here
I’m the toughest bitch in the Northern Hemisphere
I’m racked up stacked up bringing the pain
Rocking and rolling with my zimmer frame
Born in Nineteen Thirty Three
By bowel movements ain’t what they used to be
My old age has made me nothing but smart
30 percent off coupons for Wal-mart
Pimping is way if you got the balls
It don’t matter if you’re teeth are false!”
”That is phat Leonard. You are one bad mother pimp!” I say.
“True dat” says Leonard.
In a few short hours I had turned 5 pathetic old people into pimps ready to be released into society. So off they went, using whatever money they had to buy a low rider, an quarter of the finest weed in Boulder Colorado and all the bling they could fit on their feeble bodies without cutting off their circulation. Sure they only had a couple of years left to live. Sure they had no money to give their children and grandchildren. But these old fools were living life how it should be lead. With little regard for the law and their general health.
Before I left Larry declared me the kindest man since Frank Sinatra. I quite frankly I have to agree.
But why?
Is it because they are slow witted and feeble in comparison to us?
Or is it that they are not clued up on the times?
My pondering of the subject led me to my local old peoples home. I decided that if old people are to be respected in society I should introduce them to the new youth culture. No longer would they have to fear the young!
I was going to introduce the old to hip hop!
“Fo Sizzle my Nizzle” I exclaim as I walk in.
“Bless you” said Larry
“No you old fool, I wasn’t sneezing, I’m talking ebonics” I replied.
“Oh ain’t he a darling” said Betty. Betty was clearly obese. She kept trying to pull at my cheeks for some reason. I don’t know why? Perhaps to check if I had pre-chewed food in my mouth.
“I ain’t no hamster beeyatch!” I said and pushed her to the ground.
Next to greet me was Frank. Frank was the kind of guy who tried to shake your hand really hard to prove a point. But his hand shake was so weak due to his age. The only thing he proved was how pathetic he was. I showed him how to really shake a hand, and broken two of his fingers in the process. Most of the old folk were still talking in 50s slang. Hip cats were cool people. Squares were uncool people. After 2 hours of ebonics learning Larry finally got it.
“Word my pimp!” said Larry in his feeble old voice.
Next up was break dancing. You should have seen the old folk. They were about as flexible as a hippos making love. Although Edna the former Ballerina was picking it up pretty fast. She got the helicopter spin down like she’d been born in the Bronx rather than Ohio.
So they knew how to talk. They knew how to dance. Then came the mating call of the youth culture these days. Rapping!
Leonard, a Vietnam vet was laying down his phat rhymes:
“Charlie! All over the place.
I bust my rifle right in their face.
So you better step back cause Leonard is here
I’m the toughest bitch in the Northern Hemisphere
I’m racked up stacked up bringing the pain
Rocking and rolling with my zimmer frame
Born in Nineteen Thirty Three
By bowel movements ain’t what they used to be
My old age has made me nothing but smart
30 percent off coupons for Wal-mart
Pimping is way if you got the balls
It don’t matter if you’re teeth are false!”
”That is phat Leonard. You are one bad mother pimp!” I say.
“True dat” says Leonard.
In a few short hours I had turned 5 pathetic old people into pimps ready to be released into society. So off they went, using whatever money they had to buy a low rider, an quarter of the finest weed in Boulder Colorado and all the bling they could fit on their feeble bodies without cutting off their circulation. Sure they only had a couple of years left to live. Sure they had no money to give their children and grandchildren. But these old fools were living life how it should be lead. With little regard for the law and their general health.
Before I left Larry declared me the kindest man since Frank Sinatra. I quite frankly I have to agree.