Out of options, I need advice.

[writeacliche]

Alright. This story is so twisted I don't know how to begin.

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now and we've been deep and loving the whole time. We took things slow and we did everything right. Our relationship was/is perfect for us. Anyways. Entering this relationship I knew she was in a tight knit group with a "group" (think Friends) that consist of her brother, his best friends, their girlfriends and so on. For the first year and a half I tried hard to fit in this group and enjoy it for my girlfriends sake. And to be fair it worked every once in awhile. I felt accepted into the pack so to speak even if I was not popular among them. But something happened to shatter the group and a friend or two left it. No big deal, it happens. But ever since then her whole group of friends became just flat out mean and stuff. They treat me like crap and talk behind my back about myself and my friends. Whatever, I don't care about them. I care about my girlfriend. And that is where I run into the crux of the situation. This whole group of friends is deeply entwined in her life that she couldn't stop being friends with them if she wanted to (and she doesn't want to stop). She's known them a long time and I guess I can understand that. But that's where it gets to the teeth gnashing part. It's gotten to the point where...in order to see her like I normally do...I have to accept being around her cruel friends...people I can't stand and have slowly grown to dislike a ton. I don't want to have to deal with them but at the same time I don't want to sacrifice our relationship. I can already tell we're suffering from it and that sucks because we always held ourselves really strong.

I need help guys, seriously.

For the "too long, did not read" crowd here is a summary:
Tried to be friends with girlfriends best friends for almost two years. It didn't work. I really dislike them and they really dislike me. I can't see her without having to put up with them. She won't stop seeing them.

Please guys..I know this whole message board is about having fun and joking around but I really want some real advice.

FYI: I will laugh if someone tells me to "do a barrel roll" or "do anal" but that still won't fix the problem.

[Kassie09]

What are you doing to the friends that makes them not like you?

[scmaley]

Take her on a real date. Go out to dinner and see a movie, by yourselves.

[writeacliche]

That's the thing. I'm just not like them is all. They are the kind of kids that love to gossip and love to trash on people. I just didn't do it and I called them out on it. They even talk trash about my girlfriend, to my face.

I really don't know what I did.

[CTMarshall]

Just talk to her and tell her you that you don't want to be around when her friends are.

[Kassie09]

In a situation like that, you sort of just needed to go with the flow and not confront them. I mean, since it's her brother and such, she obviously, like you said, won't ever just ditch them. I don't want to say "looks like you/her will have to pick, friends or you" but..I mean..if you absolutely cannot stand to be near them..

[writeacliche]

We do do those real dates every once in awhile and she enjoys them...every once in awhile. We are at the point in our relationship where we are on the stretch to marriage. I'm working full time and doing college full time to be ready and at the end of those long days I love to just go over and collapse on her couch to relax. And now I'm losing that.

It just all fell apart today. She came back from a long vacation, I'm set to head over to welcome her back and right before I get up to leave I find out all of her friends are already throwing a party for her and left me completely in the dust.

And she defends them, it kills me that she defends them and makes me feel like the irrational person.

Thanks for the replies guys.

I know. I guess I know the only choice is to go with it. But i've done it for almost two years and its takin a toll on me having to deal with it and I just can't enjoy it.

And I'm painting her out to look bad too. She's so sweet and usually does everything to make me happy but this is where the line was. She just won't hear me talk bad about them.

[scmaley]

Is she younger than you?

[writeacliche]

Yeah she is but it's not by much. We're both close to 19.

[CTMarshall]

maybe you should setup some elaborate scheme to show her the "friends" wicked ways. This is where hidden cameras come into play, and that's always fun. j/k man, but seriously best of luck! Sounds like you love her alot since you put up with all that crap...

[writeacliche]

I do, very much so, and I've done something I never thought I'd do. I ditched hanging out with her tonight (on her day back from vacation) just because they would be there. It breaks my fucking heart that I can't do it and that she literally cant understand why I don't want to be there.

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."

The thing is she has to realize how bad they are. She just doesn't want to see it.

[Fallinto_rhythm]

You said that this was her brothers friends so I'm assuming that they're older then you, right? Welll if you're 18 and they're older then you [assuming] then you should really just tell them to grow the fuck up and that this isn't highschool. I can't stand when people make drama and continue to sit there and talk about people. Seriously tell your girlfriend how you feel, tell her that they talk about her if you haven't already. If she loves you as much as you say she does then she should be willing to have you time and friends time, but since clearly you all can't get along then you shouldn't be forced to all hang out. If she gives you some bullshit like they wont like that then maybe you should reconsider your relationship. It's not like they're holding her by gun point. it sucks, but you deserve better.

[writeacliche]

Thanks alot you guys. Yeah they're older. 22 and such. I've told her everything. It's been a big point of contention for us lately. I spilled every thought and feeling. She never lets me fuel my anger, she'll wait til I calm down and then help me work through it. But on this one subject she just can't get over that block.

[failingwithease]

I think you should just remember that you're there for your girlfriend and not for them. Try not to expect much from the situation when you are around them.

Do you ever go out with your friends? Do you take her with you? If not, try it. See how it works. If she's not comfortable around them, tell her that's how you feel around her group. And then maybe you can come to an understanding that you are separate from each other's group of friends (and that it's okay) and you need to make an effort to spend time with each other alone.

Hopefully the group grows up with age, or your girlfriend will learn that they aren't good people and distance herself. She should really take it to heart if they are cruel to you in front of her. Real friends don't do that. Unless, of course, the boyfriend/girlfriend is a really shitty person, which you don't sound like.

[failingwithease]

I do, very much so, and I've done something I never thought I'd do. I ditched hanging out with her tonight (on her day back from vacation) just because they would be there. It breaks my fucking heart that I can't do it and that she literally cant understand why I don't want to be there.

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."

The thing is she has to realize how bad they are. She just doesn't want to see it.

You should have visited her later, after the party. To show that you really care for her, just not her friends.

[writeacliche]

Sitting at home right now instead of being there goes against every fiber in my being. it just makes me physically ill knowing that if I go over there right now I'm gonna walk into a room full of eyes that have been judging me and tongues that have been wagging about me. Worst of all is they don't really try to hide it and I'll get it full force if I go. I'm being a coward right now and I know it and I know I just can't do it. Not tonight, I'll lose it

Thing is I never really "stuck" with most kids in highschool and my friends all moved out for college so I pretty much just hang out with her. She's with her friends very often and my friends don't like her friends either. So it's hard getting stuff to work out.

Off the top of my head at least three or four people have quit hanging out entirely because of how they act.

Ya know what, I think I'll head over after the party then. That's a good idea.

[failingwithease]

Sitting at home right now instead of being there goes against every fiber in my being. it just makes me physically ill knowing that if I go over there right now I'm gonna walk into a room full of eyes that have been judging me and tongues that have been wagging about me. Worst of all is they don't really try to hide it and I'll get it full force if I go. I'm being a coward right now and I know it and I know I just can't do it. Not tonight, I'll lose it

Thing is I never really "stuck" with most kids in highschool and my friends all moved out for college so I pretty much just hang out with her. She's with her friends very often and my friends don't like her friends either. So it's hard getting stuff to work out.

Off the top of my head at least three or four people have quit hanging out entirely because of how they act.

Ya know what, I think I'll head over after the party then. That's a good idea.

Good. Just try to remain calm. She'll be happy to see you, so don't worry about the others. Don't let what other people think get in the way of your heart. It's your relationship, not theirs.

[Chris Fallon]

In all honesty, dude ... I would like to know her viewpoint on things, because I want to understand what she thinks of these friends disliking you so much - and as to why they do and why she is cool with it (cool enough not to tell them off). You seem reasonably sane, collect and put-together - I suggest having a deep discussion with her about all this and if she sides with them, it would likely do you both some good to put some distance between your relationship.

[Thug_Nasty]

hang out with her some days

hang out with your real friends when she hangs out with them.

/thread.

[andrew4045]

next time they are watching you rail her, politely ask one or more to join in. Preferably female, but taking one in the ass for her love can't go wrong

[Willy McFurgle]

My girl had friends i hated with a passion. And i dreaded friday nights when i would have to put up with their gossip, and constant ridicule of others over cheese fries and a beer. My form of dealing with it was taking everything they said or did and using it against them. Got to the point that they watched what they said or did around me coz i would embarrass the hell out of them. best part was they were all 3 to 4 years older than me at the time, and who ever the guy of the night was for them when we went out, would laugh at everything i did or said to humiliate them.

[failingwithease]

My girl had friends i hated with a passion. And i dreaded friday nights when i would have to put up with their gossip, and constant ridicule of others over cheese fries and a beer. My form of dealing with it was taking everything they said or did and using it against them. Got to the point that they watched what they said or did around me coz i would embarrass the hell out of them. best part was they were all 3 to 4 years older than me at the time, and who ever the guy of the night was for them when we went out, would laugh at everything i did or said to humiliate them.

How long did you actually date your girlfriend after that?

[Willy McFurgle]

How long did you actually date your girlfriend after that?

Another year or so, slowly while I was doing all of that, she started noticing all the reasons i disliked her friends, and the fact that they were constantly attacking our relationship.

[failingwithease]

Another year or so, slowly while I was doing all of that, she started noticing all the reasons i disliked her friends, and the fact that they were constantly attacking our relationship.

Nice.

Teddy Ruxpin for the win.

[Willy McFurgle]

Nice.

Teddy Ruxpin for the win.

Word.

[writeacliche]

Dude, that's ballin.

So I drove down to her house, ran up to the house. threw it open, ran up stairs and threw her door open and pretty much tackled her in a bone crushing hug. the whole time ignoring every single one of her friends.

we talked for almost two hours. it was nice.

[anamericangod]

Do a barrel roll.

[myantiyou]

Fuck them. Haven't read all of this thread, but have you tried to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel about her friends yet?

[Neo Cassady]

Do a barrel roll.

Into her anus.

[thesafeword]

Gang bang?

[quitmyscene]

i am no help but i am in the exact situation as you. wow.

except, i'm a girl. and my boyfriend's friends all hate me. i have no idea why. but they're all so immature - drop outs, doing nothing with their lives. the other day one of them followed me around for a half hour flashing his high beams at me. it's all just stupid shit and i've never done anything to them. but my boyfriend says he doesn't care that sometimes they're assholes because he grew up with them and "what am i supposed to do about it?" and yeah. we just had a nice big fight last night about them lol.

[4N6 science]

rough sitution man. but it seems things are starting to turn around since your last post.

[writeacliche]

Looking back at it we didn't solve a thing last night but it felt good to not be fighting about it.

The thing is if you can think of a simple answer like "talk to her" "talk to her friends" "tell her how they act" then I've already tried it.

It's really hard to drop them without dropping a ton of time with her and that just doesn't seem right to me.

[4N6 science]

I'd say at this point in time, you gotta do whats best for yourself. If that means putting the relationship on hold because this bugs you soo much then so be it. But don't keep torturing yourself, because it seems like your girl just isn't getting the picture and until that happens nothing will change. Somehow you got to get the point across.

[wesf23]

first post, its crazy how much i can relate to a lot of these posts in the PL threads......

don't put your relationship into the hands of others, i went out with this girl who was in such a tight group that eventually she wouldn't try to solve a dispute unless one of her friends was present. Like others have said talk to her about it, but if its going to work both sides need to give, you'll have to put up with their drama, but they will have to accept you