Fill the Pigeon with Daylight

[stendhal]

this isn't supposed to be a serious song. i decided to shoot out of the box and write a little ditty completely over-saturated with film nior jargon... to the point of not making sense unless you have a legend. It's turned out to be pretty catchy when accompanied by the band. but meh

lemme know what you think.

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The bulls never take this long.
Chicago's lighting's become a favorite song.
Tonight, I'm goin over the edge with the rams.
I figure 'Why not?'
I'm already gowed up and flimflammed.

I'm worried asbout the drilling.
Not the start, just the stop.
Cause if I'm putting the screws on,
somebody's going to drop.

Whether a shamus flashin' a buzzer
or hatchetmen, grifters and droppers
it's only a matter of time
til we're all filled to the brim with daylight.

Tell the buttonmen to take a hack.
I've got this one covered with Nevada's gas.
Let the twist know that the red light was accident.
Tell her I was just dizzy with a dame.

I dropped a sawbuck on the bar
Staggered out to my boiler
When a pro skirt with a blackjack
Struck me just above my back

[stendhal]

bizzump.

thoughts? anyone?

should i post a legend so the slang is more clear?

[chaosB4storm]

interesting poem. unique direction taken here.

lacks flow at times, and its hard for me to pinpoint a meaning on it, possibly a little too personal (for my taste anyway).

lol i would like a legend, but obviously, a poem should be able to stand alone without one right? But sure, i'm interested in knowing the meaning

[skitso422]

haha yes, as much as a poem should be able to stand on its own, if its specifically written in a 'code' like this, it really helps to know what everything is haha. but other then that, if you have a recording i would love to hear it with the whole band. i love songs like this that jump around and dont feel like they make sense until you sort of, 'crack the code' and are finally able to understand it. typically it isn't so much film noir jargon as just obscure metaphors that take a second or third read/listen to catch, but whatever floats your boat ha. i really like the majority of this piece, a lot. i think the last stanza is pretty weak though... i'd suggest something but i dont understand it so i dont know what to suggest haha. but i like it nonetheless.

[stendhal]

without film nior slang, it would be something like this:

the COPS never take this long.
GUNFIRE IN THE BACKGROUND'S become a favorite song.
tonight i'm GETTING REALLY DRUNK
i figure 'why not?' im already HIGH and SWINDLED

im worried about the SHOOTING
not the start, just the stop
cause if im BEATING SOMEONE FOR INFORMATION
somebody's gonna DIE

wether a DETECTIVE flashing a BADGE
or TRIGGERMEN, HENCHMEN, and HITMEN
it's only a matter of time
until we're all SHOT TO DEATH

tell the HITMEN to take a cab
i've got this one covered with CYANIDE
let the GIRL know that KICKING HER OUT OF A MOVING VEHICLE was accident
tell her i was just IN LOVE WITH A GIRL

i dropped a TEN DOLLAR BILL on the bar
staggered out to my CAR
when a HOOKER, with a LEATHER WEAPON USED TO KNOCK PEOPLE OUT
struck me just above my back.

--------------------------------------------

and i'm about to start recording a new album. this will be on it. ill post it eventually.

[skitso422]

now that it makes sense, i LOVE the slang/jargon. the flow is weak in points, but only because of the terminology i think. Again i'll use the last stanza as an example; Its a good section and it makes great story for a song like this, but i dont know if you have other terms you could substitue? It rhymes where it feels weird, (blackjack - back) and the hard consonantsand long vowels one right after another kill the flow in my opinon. If you can't re word it i would see if maybe replacing it althogether with another completely different stanza, because i also dont feel like it follows the storyline that you sort of set up in the rest of the piece. Over all I like it a lot tho.

[lew_1987]

it all sounds really good, but we shouldn't need a 'legend' to understand it. without the slang, it doesn't mean a whole lot. you have basically based a whole song around using as many slang phrases as you can, rather than fitting them in naturally. sorry, that's how I feel about it.

[stendhal]

thanks to everyone for taking the time to read.

the whole point of the song was to be as ridiculous as possible with jargon. i agree with most songs needing to make at least a bit of sense, but with something like this i think that the puzzle is fun and off the wall.

at least i hope it's kinda fun.

thanks again

[SuicideKing]

this really made me laugh! i grew up on Bogey and Cagney movies, so this was a lot of fun to read... nice job!

[stendhal]

this really made me laugh! i grew up on Bogey and Cagney movies, so this was a lot of fun to read... nice job!


thanks a lot man. if it was fun for you than it has done it's job.

[stendhal]

now that it makes sense, i LOVE the slang/jargon. the flow is weak in points, but only because of the terminology i think. Again i'll use the last stanza as an example; Its a good section and it makes great story for a song like this, but i dont know if you have other terms you could substitue? It rhymes where it feels weird, (blackjack - back) and the hard consonantsand long vowels one right after another kill the flow in my opinon. If you can't re word it i would see if maybe replacing it althogether with another completely different stanza, because i also dont feel like it follows the storyline that you sort of set up in the rest of the piece. Over all I like it a lot tho.


thanks for taking some time to read it and for the input. i'll work on the last stanza for sure.