dreamers

[NO2kate]

we are the dreamers
we live off of hope
if love is the lifeline
throw us the rope



we are the dreamers
tempt us do not
our hearts yearn for illusions
when truth should be sought



we are the dreamers
blind us from pain
if u are gentle
i’ll give you my name



we are the dreamers
but now i can’t sleep
you’ve waken me up
you set me free



i’m still a dreamer
but now i have you
with each breath i take
my life is made new.

[GhostMachine]

I do like the idea of this poem, but I don't like the way it was written. The elementary rhyme pattern you used doesn't suit it. It does have a good flow to it.

[skitso422]

I like the idea, too, but what you've written doesn't reflect well enough what it could say. Its too blunt and often sounds forced, esp here: "tempt us do not/our hearts yearn for illusions/when truth should be sought" you're writing in different styles that aren't consistent. It flows well, but thats because its a simple poem with simple ryhmes. Its by no means bad at all, it could just use work. I especially like the change in tone/growth of the speaker at the end of the poem, where you transform from only a dream, to "still a dreamer" but now with something else to round out the character.

[chaosB4storm]

I like the idea, too, but what you've written doesn't reflect well enough what it could say. Its too blunt and often sounds forced, esp here: "tempt us do not/our hearts yearn for illusions/when truth should be sought" you're writing in different styles that aren't consistent. It flows well, but thats because its a simple poem with simple ryhmes. Its by no means bad at all, it could just use work. I especially like the change in tone/growth of the speaker at the end of the poem, where you transform from only a dream, to "still a dreamer" but now with something else to round out the character.


i agree with this completely.

Also, the repitition of 'we are the dreamers' implies a more powerful, deeper meaning than what can actually be found in your poem.