Addicted..feedback please

[ak4]

the rain hits my hair
and i begin to glaze
a cold sweat engages
im burning slow with my haze
im tired and frustrated
im in love with contemplation
its a great way to start a bad day
pop mellow yellow and stare at my ceiling
i see today what i wish i had yesterday
and tomorrow i might get my wish
but now its my life they wish they never kept
i miss you for all i can
im distracted
i fucked up
as the ceiling starts to drip
and my phone begins to ring
i think of all the time spent waiting
when i dont even know what im waiting for
let the music play
let me sleep all day
heres a klonopin to take away the anxiety
heres a drink to keep the bed in place
and a poem i write to keep the frustration at bay

[ak4]

the slow burn makes my heart drop
and the blood soaked t-shirt tells me to stop
i sniffed too much that i think my nose collapsed
"well shit, hold on, ill be right back..."
wipe the blood up and blow another line
my heart stopped beating
running out of time
this broken record life of addiction
plays all night and just repeats
like the blizzard that destroyed my senses
i take a knee and pray god will forgive my destruction
i never meant to crash my car
i never meant to watch my friend eject
all i wanted was a good night
a calm flight and a safe ride
but the rainbows of pills i consume
and the white crusting my nose
and ash stains from cigarettes and mary
i lost my train of thought again...
and the sirens call my name






i would like to state. poems are not always supposed to rhyme, so do not attack my rhyming for being lackluster. I wrote these with no intention of rhyming all through. the first poem is definatly much better in my opinion. the second poem i just wrote in quick reply, its not very good and i understand that. but on the fly, it goes through many things in my life such as a terrible car crash me and my friend were involved in, my cocaine and pill adictions, ecstacy, and of course marijuana. coming from someone who can totally understand anything relating to an addiction such as drugs, its very on point. any thoughts?

[IWasaCamera]

Not good.

[Brandon Allin]

Neither is any good.