Left Suicide with Peaceful Eyes

[Jabble524]

Left Suicide With Peaceful Eyes

Steak knives slice my spinal cord
Bleeding devil, can't afford
Tried suicide with fearful eyes
Murdered by what I despise

Pull my soul out of my body
Lifeless
Is suicide paradise

Steak knives slit my spinal cord
Healing devil, will afford
Left suicide with peaceful eyes
Defeated what I despise

Pull my soul into my body
Your eyes are paradise

What Truly Matters

When I was younger, I used to think I'd live forever
I thought about death
But it never seemed like a reality

As I've grown older, I've realized that there's something romantic about mortality
It makes me appreciate the time I do have
And realize what's truly important
Things such as love and friendship

I used to think about suicide
But now I realize that life is a precious gift
http://www.myspace.com/jabble524

[Addictx]

ummm....... wow........ emo bitch much?
but seriously, no talent at all
hopefully this was a joke man
well, im not going to judge you just on one piece, i would like to see other works of yours, who knows, this could just be a dud or somthing
but in all honesty, you are just asking to be ripped apart my posting this

[h0merg0mez]

Dude, I'm eating.

[SuicideKing]

Steak knives slice my spinal cord



good... i hope it paralyzes the hand you write with

[stendhal]

Before you climb to the top of a trite soap box... make sure you have something worth saying.

[black rose]

You cannot be 24. I refuse to believe this.

[CellarGhosts]

Spinal Tap are writing again, huh?

Not quite on par with "Sex Farm" or "Christmas With the Devil", but eh, they're old. what can you do.

[black rose]

:worship:

ilu Chris.

[CellarGhosts]

:-D

ilu back Melissa.

[chaosB4storm]

Before you climb to the top of a trite soap box... make sure you have something worth saying.

since i don't feel like critiqing the poem lol, i will critique the analogy used here.

This one started off good with the trite soap box, but i honestly wished the latter part of the sentence had some sort of relationship with the analogy, instead of literally speaking.

Overall, decent analogy, but I think you can do better. :)

[Addictx]

You cannot be 24. I refuse to believe this.

i agree, you must be between the ages of 10 and 17
there is no way you are 24........ unless you have serious mental handicapps in which case you dont know that we are insulting you anyways

[black rose]

i agree, you must be between the ages of 10 and 17
there is no way you are 24........ unless you have serious mental handicapps in which case you dont know that we are insulting you anyways10 && 17?! I was thinking more of inbetween 5 and 8.

[Addictx]

i was trying to be nice :-)

[stendhal]

since i don't feel like critiqing the poem lol, i will critique the analogy used here.

This one started off good with the trite soap box, but i honestly wished the latter part of the sentence had some sort of relationship with the analogy, instead of literally speaking.

Overall, decent analogy, but I think you can do better. :)


Thanks for the critiquing, man. I see where you're coming from, and I'll review them tonight and make necessary revisions... the latter part does lack a relationship to the analogy. But you have to understand, I was in a hurry... and a bit stoned.

Hopefully though, you did catch the subtle hipocrisy with my 2 cents. (I was climbing on to a soap box, and then, didn't have much to say.)

thanks again man, for keeping me on my toes. (and allowing me to talk out of ass.)

[IWasaCamera]

This one started off good with the trite soap box
haha

[Genuma]

Emo bitch much?

[chaosB4storm]

Thanks for the critiquing, man. I see where you're coming from, and I'll review them tonight and make necessary revisions... the latter part does lack a relationship to the analogy. But you have to understand, I was in a hurry... and a bit stoned.

Hopefully though, you did catch the subtle hipocrisy with my 2 cents. (I was climbing on to a soap box, and then, didn't have much to say.)

thanks again man, for keeping me on my toes. (and allowing me to talk out of ass.)

lol i did catch the subtle hypocrisy, it worked for sure.

hahaha no problem

[Addictx]

question for everyone;
what do these people expect when they post shit like this!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[lovely864md]

Steak knives slice my spinal cord...hahahahaha thanks, I needed that.

[TK]

What was everyone expecting with the title?

[Brandon Allin]

i agree, you must be between the ages of 10 and 17
there is no way you are 24........ unless you have serious mental handicapps in which case you dont know that we are insulting you anyways
With an IQ between 0 and 3.

[Jabble524]

Thank you to all. I am really excited that so many people took the time to read and respond to the poems in this thread. That is truly amazing. I believe it has gotten over two hundred views. That is incredible and very exciting, to see that so many people took the time to read my work. I can see from the responses though that some of you were not big fans of these poems. That's ok, maybe we have different poetic and artistic tastes. In fact, some of the negative feedback is hilarious. For example, "with and IQ between 0 and 3". In conclusion, I figure when you post something, some people like it, and some people don't. However, a word to the wise, when you're so immature as to blatantly be assholes when criticizing someone's work, it doesn't reflect poorly on the artist, it reflects poorly on you. Personally, I could care less what people think of my poetry. However, there may be some people posting on these forums who do care. So I would suggest that you have a little more respect when criticizing people's work. Also, I think it's disappointing that so many of you are quick to classify. For example, "emo bitch much"? So what if it's emo? Why so quick to divide things into categories? It's really disappointing to see people adhere to the mentality of emo, punk, metal, hardcore, etc. It's disappointing because art is art, regardless of the category it falls into.

Anyways, thanks again for taking the time to read my work.

[coltenTALK]

rofl

[Addictx]

the reason we make fun of it and call you an emo bitch is because this is so blatenly a cry out from someone who thinks they have a horrible life and needs to express it "artisticly", well, this is not very artistic, it really just wants to make you slap the person and say "suck it the fuck up!"
so, thats why we catigorize it, because it is THAT bad

[chaosB4storm]

Thank you to all. I am really excited that so many people took the time to read and respond to the poems in this thread. That is truly amazing. I believe it has gotten over two hundred views. That is incredible and very exciting, to see that so many people took the time to read my work. I can see from the responses though that some of you were not big fans of these poems. That's ok, maybe we have different poetic and artistic tastes. In fact, some of the negative feedback is hilarious. For example, "with and IQ between 0 and 3". In conclusion, I figure when you post something, some people like it, and some people don't. However, a word to the wise, when you're so immature as to blatantly be assholes when criticizing someone's work, it doesn't reflect poorly on the artist, it reflects poorly on you. Personally, I could care less what people think of my poetry. However, there may be some people posting on these forums who do care. So I would suggest that you have a little more respect when criticizing people's work. Also, I think it's disappointing that so many of you are quick to classify. For example, "emo bitch much"? So what if it's emo? Why so quick to divide things into categories? It's really disappointing to see people adhere to the mentality of emo, punk, metal, hardcore, etc. It's disappointing because art is art, regardless of the category it falls into.

Anyways, thanks again for taking the time to read my work.

that was a good read.

[SuicideKing]

It's disappointing because art is art, regardless of the category it falls into.

actually, what i find disappointing is that you categorize this as art

[Jabble524]

Thanks for the feedback.