View Full Version : Girl A Song I Wrote Myself Artists Look !!
Behcet-William
06/14/08, 10:02 PM
Girl
its 3 in the morning im trying not to cry
im thinking about you baby and i dont know why
maybe because your beautiful and sweet well thats no lie
i miss you girl i want you back and this song will tell you why
girl why you do this to me i want to say im sorry
scared you will rejected me and then ill have to worry
because your amazing girl and oh so very lovely
wow i wish i had a chance now that would make me lucky
girl i love you never meant it more than when i say it to you
girl i love you never said it more than i have to you
when i first saw you girl i didnt know what to say
never forget that was the day you took my breath away
i wish there was a way i could make you mine again
or are we just gona live as friends forever
or will you ever love me or is that never
girl i love you never meant it more than when i say it to you
girl i love you never said it more than i have to you
5 years later we still aint together
so i guess girl that it will be never
but remember girl im always gona be here by your side
and my love for you will never ever die
just like a candle being lit forever
your always going to be here i will hurt you never
girl i love you never meant it more than when i say it to you
girl i love you never said it more than i have to you
10 years later girl you are married
and you have given birth to the baby you have carried
he looks just like me girl yeah i am his daddy
were married girl i told you that it would happen
i love you girl and thats how its going to stay
50 years later girl where old
im still inlove with you girl that candle aint yet cold
are kids have got kids girl wow were lucky
thank you for the life that you have given me
my heart was in a box but now girl you have the key
girl i love you never meant it more than when i say it to you
girl i love you never said it more than i have to you.
summer skin
06/14/08, 10:12 PM
wVbFM06hvbs
TheSkyline
06/14/08, 10:16 PM
The lyrics toward the end get creepy.
50 YEARS and you still like her? Kinda stalker-ish..
Behcet-William
06/14/08, 10:20 PM
Well the songs about a boy who loves a girl and its like written in different stages of his life with her from the teenage years to the adult years to the elderly years
summer skin
06/14/08, 10:32 PM
Well the songs about a boy who loves a girl and its like written in different stages of his life with her from the teenage years to the adult years to the elderly years
it's like Homer's Odyssey.
post more please.
TheSkyline
06/14/08, 10:39 PM
Well the songs about a boy who loves a girl and its like written in different stages of his life with her from the teenage years to the adult years to the elderly years
Yeah I gotcha, I just think that's pushing what's acceptepted by most people?
50 years? I mean, come'on.
But that's just my opinion, don't go by what I say.
50 years of cold hard masturbation.
Behcet-William
06/15/08, 01:21 AM
sign this one from now on
GhostMachine
06/16/08, 12:20 PM
This is horrible. You need to learn grammar and learn to use punctations. Without it, its a big fucking run on that makes no sense and lacks in the ability to build a good flow.
checkered.stars
06/16/08, 01:26 PM
To be frank, your poem was mediocre, repititive, and full of hollow analogies. And you used the word 'girl' way too many times, and if it was an affect you were trying to add, you killed it.
Imaginary
06/16/08, 01:38 PM
I think you tried to hard to add in the part about how you're married. It sounds forced and cheesy.
GhostMachine
06/17/08, 08:50 AM
There is a song called Don't Take The Girl that is the same idea, only much, much better.
Behcet-William
06/17/08, 03:45 PM
Fuck Of You Couldn't Do Shit Better
Fuck Of You Couldn't Do Shit Better
HAHA nice. But honestly this is pretty cliched and rough
TheSkyline
06/17/08, 04:40 PM
Fuck Of You Couldn't Do Shit Better
Actually, I'm pretty sure GhostMachine put lyrics up here, and if I remember correctly, I liked them.
Just sayin'.
SuicideKing
06/18/08, 01:12 AM
Fuck Of You Couldn't Do Shit Better
what...?
bootsydan
06/18/08, 04:59 AM
This is terrible.
matt_rawlings
06/18/08, 05:05 AM
Insert witty comment that is essentially an insult as to the very bad nature of these lyrics
GhostMachine
06/18/08, 08:57 AM
Fuck Of You Couldn't Do Shit Better
Honestly if I really thought you were worth it, I'd prove you wrong. You have no grasp on grammar, punctuation, flow, and the adequate use of a rhyme scheme. All this shit you do is on par with that of a four year old could do with a crayon and a coloring book. Nice try with the come back. You don't need to capitalize every word and I believe it "off"...not "of". Dumbass
GhostMachine
06/18/08, 08:58 AM
Actually, I'm pretty sure GhostMachine put lyrics up here, and if I remember correctly, I liked them.
Just sayin'.
Thank you...I feel special.
TheSkyline
06/18/08, 10:59 AM
Thank you...I feel special.
You are special.
I love you?
haha
DejaNew
06/22/08, 06:37 PM
yeah man, i think why it seems mediocre and doesnt really impress anyone is because its so cliche, and theres really no twist or "interesting" metaphors. with an idea like this, i think it wouldve been alot better to end it halfway through. and dont freak out on people just because they criticize your lyrics. if you put them up here, people are gonna criticize you. but keep trying man, youll get it soon
!&marlboro&!
07/14/08, 01:47 AM
Ha Ha, i must get in the middle of this! GhostMachine, if you are going to rip on someone's "punctuation" (your first comment) and grammar, at least pay enough attention to spell things correctly yourself. He's fifteen man, a little constructive criticism could help him out instead of scare him from writing.
Behcet-William. Dude, to be honest, I did have a hard time getting all of the way through this. The idea is sweet but the words and lines seem rushed, fragmented, and repetitive; I would suggest slowing down during your process to make sure your lines fit togther how, and say exactly what, you feel they should. Don't sell yourself short by scamming time.
Ha Ha, i must get in the middle of this! GhostMachine, if you are going to rip on someone's "punctuation" and grammer, at least pay enough attention to spell things correctly yourself. He's fifteen man, a little constructive criticism could help him out instead of scare him from writing.
Behcet-William. Dude, to be honest, I did have a hard time getting all of the way through this. The idea is sweet but the words and lines seem rushed, fragmented, and repetitive; I would suggest slowing down during your process to make sure your lines fit togther how, and say exactly what, you feel they should. Don't sell yourself short by scamming time.
Watch your own grammar.
!&marlboro&!
07/14/08, 03:16 AM
Will do. The edit on the mispelling of gramma(e)r was pending during a smoke break, missed
tog(e)ther, all together, Ha Ha. Thank you for pointing that out. i, i, i am sorry.
Anyway, I hope my previous post is taken to be helpful for the kid, and GhostMachine. If you bring yourself across to be an ass, your comments won't be taken as seriously and it will be hard to regard your own writing as genuine, even if it is good. Make sense?
How does being an ass on the internet effect the genuineness of someone's work?
!&marlboro&!
07/14/08, 04:39 AM
How does being an ass on the internet effect the genuineness of someone's work?
This may strictly be my opinion so you may tell me to shove it if you disagree.
I meant being an ass in general, internet is no excuse to treat people like shit just because they will never know who you are. It does allow for a certain "no holds bar" or complete honesty, when dealing in critiques of others' work; I think that is the point.
Back to my opinion, people's personality type, once found out, can have a huge impact on how anything they do is perceived by others, especially in writing. You are pouring yourself onto paper with ink for the world to see. If someone writes something very sweet and heartfelt or beautiful, yet cuts other people down unnecessarily and harshly, it casts a negative connotation on anything they do. It makes it hard for me to believe it truely means something to them instead of "hmmm...this makes me sound intelligent and (insert adjective) so i'll write it down between this line and that line." This problem is even more of an issue through the internet becauese we have so little to go on. The less you know about the writer or the artist the easier it is to interpret for yourself how you actually feel about the work.
Apologies for the novel.
thespearkid
07/14/08, 08:48 AM
Ha Ha, i must get in the middle of this! GhostMachine, if you are going to rip on someone's "punctuation" (your first comment) and grammar, at least pay enough attention to spell things correctly yourself. He's fifteen man, a little constructive criticism could help him out instead of scare him from writing.
Behcet-William. Dude, to be honest, I did have a hard time getting all of the way through this. The idea is sweet but the words and lines seem rushed, fragmented, and repetitive; I would suggest slowing down during your process to make sure your lines fit togther how, and say exactly what, you feel they should. Don't sell yourself short by scamming time.
You basically said the same thing GhostMachine said, minus the word "horrible"...
!&marlboro&!
07/15/08, 12:30 AM
Ugh...Behcet-William, sorry for using your space for all this crap.
thespearkid, not trying to be rude, honestly, but do you know what the definition of constructive criticism is? Anyway, I'll bow out because this is getting rediculous unless someone actually has something worthwhile to say.
Also, tk_0907...thank you for the opportunity to explain myself.
vBulletin v3.6.0, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.