headclub
06/17/08, 02:53 AM
i didnt know where else to post this. sorry.
so whenever you have free time read this and let me know what you think. i know its a weird request...but i am asking everyone i can. its a story i am working on called Even Angels Couldnt Save You Now. so far i am nowhere near completion and have not proofread or edited it in any way...just kind of winging it and writing right now.
just whenever you have a chance to read it. thanks
…INTRODUCING A NIGHTMARE
As I stood there staring him in his glazed over eyes, point blank, I started to feel myself changing. Metamorphosis had set in and I felt myself melt. I noticed my eyes washing out; the lively green that they were started to turn and fade into a deathly white. I started to speak in tongues. This city, this “Hell on Earth” must have done this to me. This so called “City Of Angels” was a lie.
I mumble to myself, “even angels couldn’t save you now.”
The way the cement and the scenery collide could be mistaken for art, but don’t be taken for a fool. This sense of hospitality is a façade.
This feeling of discomfort washes away, I now feel 20 feet tall. I feel myself tower over this demon. The skyscrapers have lent themselves to me. Everything is starting to make sense now. This city is a living, breathing thing. It has itself in everything. It is now my guardian angel, giving me unique power and insight. Like I said though, at times like these even angels couldn’t save you.
Now, I could hear the armies of our modern day heading towards us. I told those fools that no matter what they did, he would overpower them. Only I was able to stop him, but I have no idea how. Even with every aspect of the city in my bloodstream, he still feels so much more powerful than myself.
I saw them now; the tanks, planes, and troops. All heading toward their certain tragedy. I felt helpless to save them.
I started to pray.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
…
…
…
…
XIII. Moving
I had been living in Indiana for about four years now, and not once in that time had anything more exciting than a twister or two happened. It was time for a change of pace…to go from small town to big city; to go from no-rush to all-rush. Madelynne would never understand though. I wish I could tell her that we’re both going…but how can I just expect her to pick up everything and leave her history and family and move out of her comfort zone and into an entirely new atmosphere.
We had been together for about four months now, and things had been great. I mean we rarely ever fought, and the fact I was from London, England seemed exotic and exciting to this mid-western girl. But 44% of the time I felt entirely empty, as if it was all an out-of-body experience…that I wasn’t even there. To a normal human being my life would be fulfilling…an amazing girlfriend, a nice home in the beautiful Indiana countryside, and an easy job. But for me normal wasn’t enough. I need action and adventure, bright lights and long nights…I needed Hollywood. The city of dreams, the “city of angels.” As a kid in London I always dreamt of being a world famous actor or something, living in a mansion in the hills. People would constantly approach me short of breath asking, “IT’S YOU, MY GOD, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH???” Now a days I was wise enough to know better than to think I had a shot in hell to make it big. The city did hold a better chance for excitement though.
I was starting to feel more optimistic and excited about it...I mean how could Madelynne even think to say no to this opportunity?
“Hell No!”
“But baby, you didn’t even think about it. Not even for a second. I mean what if…” I started in reply to her dramatic answer.
“Honey!” She interrupted ever so sweetly, “why do you feel like you have to get away from everything you have going for you here? I mean you have security, a woman who adores you, a job…”
We were now pacing back and forth through this quaint room. On the walls in this room were windows, in the windows were undoubtedly the best views in all of Indiana…corn, corn, and more corn. And beyond the corn…even more corn. The white walls of this room weren’t too spacious, and there was nothing more than 2 windows hanging on them in this entire room. This is how our bedroom was described. I always tried to get her to “hang a picture here” or “paint the walls this color.” She would never budge though, swearing this was only temporary. When I got that promotion we were going to move into a bigger house closer to the city, only problem is that promotion never came. I was starting to think that no matter what she told me tonight, I was still planning on hitting the road.
“I need excitement.” I told her, abruptly interrupting her mid-sentence, “I was born and raised in the hustle and bustle on London. I need that now…I need action and adventure.”
“So you want to ditch me for a city full of sluts and strippers?”
“I don’t want to leave you or anyone…but I am not going to sit here waiting for my turn to hit the graves.”
“Just…just leave me alone.” She was beginning to tear up, and I walked out the door.
I should have stayed and helped her out. I should have been talking to her. Instead, I was just sitting here, in my usual spot.
In the middle of a corn field, no one knows you exist. In the middle of a corn field, no one can tell you their problems expecting sympathy….
I hated it.
I thrived on drama. The drama of the noisy streets. The drama of crooked police officers. The drama of celebrities. I needed drama. I needed gossip. I needed negativity, because with negativity you always see your life 100% better.
The wind was picking up and the corn stalks were all over the place. A storm was probably on the way, so I decided to head home and pack. Even though Madelynne didn’t want to come with me to Los Angeles…I was still going. I had to. If I didn’t go, I would die.
On my drive home, I decided to stop at Aunt Maria’s Diner, it was known around these parts to have the best deep fried pork tenderloin. On my way in I picked up our local newspaper and decided to read. Although our journalists never had anything interesting to say, it kept me occupied. Today’s headline was something about how the local elementary school just put on the best damn play last night and had several minutes long of standing ovations. I didn’t really care about this, I knew no one with kids that went there. It was pointless. I was only reading this so I could know all about town gossip so that maybe if someone decided to start a conversation with me, I could act like I knew about stuff that wouldn’t move anyones life forward.
“Here’s your pork, sir”
I was daydreaming and forgot all about the dinner I had ordered 10 minutes ago. And by the looks, I was certain I would forget all about it 20 minutes after I get done. This “world famous” fried pork looked like any other fried pork. Nothing about it set it apart from every other entrée. I took my first bite, and right away I was disappointed. The meat was chewy as hell, I mean granted pork is a tough meat…but this was the worse pork I have ever had.
After I got done eating, I tipped the waitress graciously because she was the only good thing about that diner. I threw away the newspaper I bought a good 30 minutes ago and had only read one article. I arrived home in less than four minutes. Madelynne wasn’t home so that made it so much easier to just pack all my belongings into my car as fast as I could and try to hit the open road. Luckily for me, my only possessions were a couple drawers full of very similar shirts made by very similar companies, some pairs of jeans and shorts, some compact discs and DVDs, and some toiletries. I got online and booked a hotel in Montana and another one the next night in Colorado and decided to wait until I got to Colorado to book my next hotel. I wrote a note for Madelynne that simply said “I Am Sorry.”
After I hung the note on the fridge with a Family Circle magnet, I bolted out the door without even thinking to look back…I wish I had, because if I did, the predicament I am in now might not have even happened. Lets not get ahead of ourselves though.
It was now four o’clock in the afternoon and the sun was hanging high with not a single cloud in the sky. It was hot afternoons like this that made me wish my 1984 station wagons AC worked. Sitting here even for just 30 minutes felt like 16 hours. Time goes so slow when you are melting to your car seat, watching road sign after road sign, car after car. It is the only way to pass time.
I had been driving for what seemed like hours, my eye lids were getting heavy. The sky went black.
I woke up in a hotel room holding a newspaper and the TV across the room was blasting Oprah. She was talking about some third world country, how no one ever does anything to help…then she gave each member of her audience a new TiVo system. How ironic. The thought of this woman always got to me, I mean how can you call yourself a selfless martyr if the only things you are doing with all your money include giving rich people new useless technological devices and starting up rich women book clubs. It sickens me at times. I guess I should watch more Oprah before I judge her though. This is only the first episode I have seen. After her show, the television became boring so I turned it off. I shut off the hotel rooms lights and went to sleep.
When I woke up and had my usual 3 cups of coffee, I decided to get back on the road. I gathered all of my belongings from the room and checked out of this Montana hotel room. I was determined to get to Colorado as quick as possible. My cell phone was ringing its “Baby Got Back” ring-tone and I already knew who it was before I looked at it.
“Hello?” I stuttered into the phone expecting someone to be on the other end.
Instead…instead I got silence, no reply, static.
I kept talking into the phone getting no reply after no reply.
I figured that Madelynne would have been angry, but angry enough to call and hang up? That didn’t seem like her. Madelynne had always been the calm and reposed one, the mature one. That is why I fell in love with her, and that is why I grew to hate her. The way she took the good with the bad and never let anything sit on her shoulders. Nothing ever weighed her down. She had told me once about how her older brother died. It was tragic. Apparently one winter they were at the Grand Canyon with their parents and the two had found themselves lost. Her brother had insisted on turning around but Madelynne refused. Instead the two kept trekking through the harsh desert. After what seemed like hours, the two extremely thirsty siblings had found themselves at a cliff. He walked up to the cliffs edge and started to gaze at the surroundings. What he was about to say was to be of utmost importance to the two. Instead what happened was a couple loose rocks became loose boulders and caused him to lose the ground he was standing on and he tumbled all the way down the canyon.
Ironically he was about to say that they should find a way down because following the canyon floor would be their best bet for survival.
If that happened to me, I don’t know what I’d do. I have no clue how the guilt would affect me. It was almost sickening that Madelynne still to this day shows no emotion or remorse. I mean sure, she misses him, but she never showed any sign of regret. This is only one of the thousands of other instances.
After all this Madelynne talk, I hadn’t even noticed I was in Colorado. Sometimes I have these blackouts. I don’t necessarily pass out…in fact I am fully conscious, only I don’t have any idea or recollection of the events during so called blackout time. Basically I consider it a walking coma. They happen frequently for me and only started recently. While I am “blacked out” I don’t know what is going on. I guess I just go with the flow and then I wake up; sometimes in the same place, others in weird spots. But the constant is I never know what happened.
There were times when I could fall asleep with the comfort of knowing I would stay in slumber. There were also times when I wouldn’t ever fall asleep. Times a funny thing. As it goes around the dial we all get older. We all learn new things. But the clock stays the same. Sure certain things get replaced in life. But you never HAVE to trade in that old clock for a new one because time stays the same. One will always be followed by two which will always be followed by three and so on and so forth until we die. Monotony at its finest.
so whenever you have free time read this and let me know what you think. i know its a weird request...but i am asking everyone i can. its a story i am working on called Even Angels Couldnt Save You Now. so far i am nowhere near completion and have not proofread or edited it in any way...just kind of winging it and writing right now.
just whenever you have a chance to read it. thanks
…INTRODUCING A NIGHTMARE
As I stood there staring him in his glazed over eyes, point blank, I started to feel myself changing. Metamorphosis had set in and I felt myself melt. I noticed my eyes washing out; the lively green that they were started to turn and fade into a deathly white. I started to speak in tongues. This city, this “Hell on Earth” must have done this to me. This so called “City Of Angels” was a lie.
I mumble to myself, “even angels couldn’t save you now.”
The way the cement and the scenery collide could be mistaken for art, but don’t be taken for a fool. This sense of hospitality is a façade.
This feeling of discomfort washes away, I now feel 20 feet tall. I feel myself tower over this demon. The skyscrapers have lent themselves to me. Everything is starting to make sense now. This city is a living, breathing thing. It has itself in everything. It is now my guardian angel, giving me unique power and insight. Like I said though, at times like these even angels couldn’t save you.
Now, I could hear the armies of our modern day heading towards us. I told those fools that no matter what they did, he would overpower them. Only I was able to stop him, but I have no idea how. Even with every aspect of the city in my bloodstream, he still feels so much more powerful than myself.
I saw them now; the tanks, planes, and troops. All heading toward their certain tragedy. I felt helpless to save them.
I started to pray.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
…
…
…
…
XIII. Moving
I had been living in Indiana for about four years now, and not once in that time had anything more exciting than a twister or two happened. It was time for a change of pace…to go from small town to big city; to go from no-rush to all-rush. Madelynne would never understand though. I wish I could tell her that we’re both going…but how can I just expect her to pick up everything and leave her history and family and move out of her comfort zone and into an entirely new atmosphere.
We had been together for about four months now, and things had been great. I mean we rarely ever fought, and the fact I was from London, England seemed exotic and exciting to this mid-western girl. But 44% of the time I felt entirely empty, as if it was all an out-of-body experience…that I wasn’t even there. To a normal human being my life would be fulfilling…an amazing girlfriend, a nice home in the beautiful Indiana countryside, and an easy job. But for me normal wasn’t enough. I need action and adventure, bright lights and long nights…I needed Hollywood. The city of dreams, the “city of angels.” As a kid in London I always dreamt of being a world famous actor or something, living in a mansion in the hills. People would constantly approach me short of breath asking, “IT’S YOU, MY GOD, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH???” Now a days I was wise enough to know better than to think I had a shot in hell to make it big. The city did hold a better chance for excitement though.
I was starting to feel more optimistic and excited about it...I mean how could Madelynne even think to say no to this opportunity?
“Hell No!”
“But baby, you didn’t even think about it. Not even for a second. I mean what if…” I started in reply to her dramatic answer.
“Honey!” She interrupted ever so sweetly, “why do you feel like you have to get away from everything you have going for you here? I mean you have security, a woman who adores you, a job…”
We were now pacing back and forth through this quaint room. On the walls in this room were windows, in the windows were undoubtedly the best views in all of Indiana…corn, corn, and more corn. And beyond the corn…even more corn. The white walls of this room weren’t too spacious, and there was nothing more than 2 windows hanging on them in this entire room. This is how our bedroom was described. I always tried to get her to “hang a picture here” or “paint the walls this color.” She would never budge though, swearing this was only temporary. When I got that promotion we were going to move into a bigger house closer to the city, only problem is that promotion never came. I was starting to think that no matter what she told me tonight, I was still planning on hitting the road.
“I need excitement.” I told her, abruptly interrupting her mid-sentence, “I was born and raised in the hustle and bustle on London. I need that now…I need action and adventure.”
“So you want to ditch me for a city full of sluts and strippers?”
“I don’t want to leave you or anyone…but I am not going to sit here waiting for my turn to hit the graves.”
“Just…just leave me alone.” She was beginning to tear up, and I walked out the door.
I should have stayed and helped her out. I should have been talking to her. Instead, I was just sitting here, in my usual spot.
In the middle of a corn field, no one knows you exist. In the middle of a corn field, no one can tell you their problems expecting sympathy….
I hated it.
I thrived on drama. The drama of the noisy streets. The drama of crooked police officers. The drama of celebrities. I needed drama. I needed gossip. I needed negativity, because with negativity you always see your life 100% better.
The wind was picking up and the corn stalks were all over the place. A storm was probably on the way, so I decided to head home and pack. Even though Madelynne didn’t want to come with me to Los Angeles…I was still going. I had to. If I didn’t go, I would die.
On my drive home, I decided to stop at Aunt Maria’s Diner, it was known around these parts to have the best deep fried pork tenderloin. On my way in I picked up our local newspaper and decided to read. Although our journalists never had anything interesting to say, it kept me occupied. Today’s headline was something about how the local elementary school just put on the best damn play last night and had several minutes long of standing ovations. I didn’t really care about this, I knew no one with kids that went there. It was pointless. I was only reading this so I could know all about town gossip so that maybe if someone decided to start a conversation with me, I could act like I knew about stuff that wouldn’t move anyones life forward.
“Here’s your pork, sir”
I was daydreaming and forgot all about the dinner I had ordered 10 minutes ago. And by the looks, I was certain I would forget all about it 20 minutes after I get done. This “world famous” fried pork looked like any other fried pork. Nothing about it set it apart from every other entrée. I took my first bite, and right away I was disappointed. The meat was chewy as hell, I mean granted pork is a tough meat…but this was the worse pork I have ever had.
After I got done eating, I tipped the waitress graciously because she was the only good thing about that diner. I threw away the newspaper I bought a good 30 minutes ago and had only read one article. I arrived home in less than four minutes. Madelynne wasn’t home so that made it so much easier to just pack all my belongings into my car as fast as I could and try to hit the open road. Luckily for me, my only possessions were a couple drawers full of very similar shirts made by very similar companies, some pairs of jeans and shorts, some compact discs and DVDs, and some toiletries. I got online and booked a hotel in Montana and another one the next night in Colorado and decided to wait until I got to Colorado to book my next hotel. I wrote a note for Madelynne that simply said “I Am Sorry.”
After I hung the note on the fridge with a Family Circle magnet, I bolted out the door without even thinking to look back…I wish I had, because if I did, the predicament I am in now might not have even happened. Lets not get ahead of ourselves though.
It was now four o’clock in the afternoon and the sun was hanging high with not a single cloud in the sky. It was hot afternoons like this that made me wish my 1984 station wagons AC worked. Sitting here even for just 30 minutes felt like 16 hours. Time goes so slow when you are melting to your car seat, watching road sign after road sign, car after car. It is the only way to pass time.
I had been driving for what seemed like hours, my eye lids were getting heavy. The sky went black.
I woke up in a hotel room holding a newspaper and the TV across the room was blasting Oprah. She was talking about some third world country, how no one ever does anything to help…then she gave each member of her audience a new TiVo system. How ironic. The thought of this woman always got to me, I mean how can you call yourself a selfless martyr if the only things you are doing with all your money include giving rich people new useless technological devices and starting up rich women book clubs. It sickens me at times. I guess I should watch more Oprah before I judge her though. This is only the first episode I have seen. After her show, the television became boring so I turned it off. I shut off the hotel rooms lights and went to sleep.
When I woke up and had my usual 3 cups of coffee, I decided to get back on the road. I gathered all of my belongings from the room and checked out of this Montana hotel room. I was determined to get to Colorado as quick as possible. My cell phone was ringing its “Baby Got Back” ring-tone and I already knew who it was before I looked at it.
“Hello?” I stuttered into the phone expecting someone to be on the other end.
Instead…instead I got silence, no reply, static.
I kept talking into the phone getting no reply after no reply.
I figured that Madelynne would have been angry, but angry enough to call and hang up? That didn’t seem like her. Madelynne had always been the calm and reposed one, the mature one. That is why I fell in love with her, and that is why I grew to hate her. The way she took the good with the bad and never let anything sit on her shoulders. Nothing ever weighed her down. She had told me once about how her older brother died. It was tragic. Apparently one winter they were at the Grand Canyon with their parents and the two had found themselves lost. Her brother had insisted on turning around but Madelynne refused. Instead the two kept trekking through the harsh desert. After what seemed like hours, the two extremely thirsty siblings had found themselves at a cliff. He walked up to the cliffs edge and started to gaze at the surroundings. What he was about to say was to be of utmost importance to the two. Instead what happened was a couple loose rocks became loose boulders and caused him to lose the ground he was standing on and he tumbled all the way down the canyon.
Ironically he was about to say that they should find a way down because following the canyon floor would be their best bet for survival.
If that happened to me, I don’t know what I’d do. I have no clue how the guilt would affect me. It was almost sickening that Madelynne still to this day shows no emotion or remorse. I mean sure, she misses him, but she never showed any sign of regret. This is only one of the thousands of other instances.
After all this Madelynne talk, I hadn’t even noticed I was in Colorado. Sometimes I have these blackouts. I don’t necessarily pass out…in fact I am fully conscious, only I don’t have any idea or recollection of the events during so called blackout time. Basically I consider it a walking coma. They happen frequently for me and only started recently. While I am “blacked out” I don’t know what is going on. I guess I just go with the flow and then I wake up; sometimes in the same place, others in weird spots. But the constant is I never know what happened.
There were times when I could fall asleep with the comfort of knowing I would stay in slumber. There were also times when I wouldn’t ever fall asleep. Times a funny thing. As it goes around the dial we all get older. We all learn new things. But the clock stays the same. Sure certain things get replaced in life. But you never HAVE to trade in that old clock for a new one because time stays the same. One will always be followed by two which will always be followed by three and so on and so forth until we die. Monotony at its finest.