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schreixfurxdich
06/18/08, 08:08 PM
k, one of the songs i've written. . .

I tried to sit back and hear all your stories
of the hurt, of the pain, the fears and the glories
I laughed and I cried as I tried to hide the hurt I felt for you
You told of the doubts and troubles of your heart
the bloodstained wrists and blackened eyes helped to tell their part of the story
the nightmares you lived through
and if you feel like just giving up like you can’t go on any longer
just remember these words
and hopefully they’ll make you stronger

it’s the smile on your face
it’s the beat of your heart
it’s the glint in your eyes, though you’re falling apart
it’s the pound of the rain as it falls to the ground
it’s the pain I see in you though you don’t make a sound
it’s the fear in your voice when you try to be strong
and keep telling yourself that this won’t last long
just try to remember, nothing lasts forever

every night when the raindrops fell
they were falling from your eyes
and all the hours that I heard your tales
it just never seemed right
and sometimes I wonder how you can move on any longer
the demons through all these years
just seemed to make you stronger

it’s the smile on your face
it’s the beat of your heart
it’s the glint in your eyes, though you’re falling apart
it’s the pound of the rain as it falls to the ground
it’s the pain I see in you, though you don’t make a sound
it’s the fear in your voice when you try to be strong
and keep telling yourself that this won’t last long
just try to remember, nothing lasts forever.
just try to remember, nothing lasts forever

GhostMachine
06/19/08, 07:51 AM
Its got a decent flow to it. Though some of the rhyming seems forced together, its not bad. The only problem I have with this is that its not original. Not one bit of this is new or fresh or has any bit of a original idea in it. Its just every love song that involves someone hurting put together. Nice try though.

schreixfurxdich
06/19/08, 09:27 AM
thanks. this isn't a love song, i wrote it for a friend who's been abused for the past couple years, but whatever. and yes, i get what you mean about the whole forced rhyming thing, there are places in it that could be improved. . .