Help me get my lady back!

[SavedByTheScene]

My girlfriend just left me on Sunday (today is Wednesday.) She wouldn't tell me why, only that it was personal crap. I assumed, based on that and the fact that she dumped me right when she got back from her dad's house for the weekend, that it was family oriented and not my field. But then yesterday I discovered through the magic of gossip that it was simply because she wanted to date some soccer player. What do I do? How do I compete with a guy who can kick canvas balls around? (sacrasm) Advice? Comments?

[Getup and Dance]

Kick his balls.

[kwsqd]

End yourself.

[kwsqd]

damn it Evan!

[PadraicPrincess]

Soccer players have the nicest bodies.
In other words you are done for.

But in related news, are you sure what you heard through the grape vine is actually true?

[brentkid]

If she's really that shallow why would you care?

[4N6 science]

soccer player's are bitches, just go up and knock the shit out of him and take your woman back.

[jusscali]

soccer player's are bitches, just go up and knock the shit out of him and take your woman back.
lolz

false

[The_kok]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

[jusscali]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end
best post ever...you're a sick fuck

[4N6 science]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

best post I've read in PL

[updownleftright]

agreeing with brent. why would you want someone who is first of all, lying to you. and second of all you look desperate if she found out you were trying to outbeat this kid, when it appears you already lost. sorry man but good luck to you.

[lovely864md]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

You...spent all that time typing that out...

[jusscali]

You...spent all that time typing that out...
Well worth the effort lol

[jagermeister]

its probably not worth it man.

[lovely864md]

Well worth the effort lol

Haha not IMO. It's not even funny.

[m_rue]

Soccer players have the nicest bodies.

This is true.

I don't really think there's much you can do.. just try to move on.

[intensified]

She sounds like a bitch. I'd beat her up for you.

You'll find someone better. Just give it time, dear.

[DickfaceChillah]

This is kinda what just happened to me. I suggest you kill her. Just kill her.

[grabyourguns]

killing sounds good. forced anal also works.

but yea, most soccer players are big piles of douche, so whatever you do, you're probably in the clear.

worse comes to worse and he kicks the shit out of you, just tell everyone the ex gf told you he has genny warts.

thats only if you cant cut him in half and fuck his colon.

[SavedByTheScene]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end
Dude you are me hero. Lol I love all the advice, but really I can't beat the kid into a pulp, he's half my size (I'm a martial artist, I'm not as bad off as you think.) So really that option is out, it wouldn't show any dignity be beat up a kid who's tiny...

[SavedByTheScene]

This is kinda what just happened to me. I suggest you kill her. Just kill her.
My parol officer might have some things to say about that one, the third offense is a big deal, y'know?

[SavedByTheScene]

If she's really that shallow why would you care?
Good question. I don't really have the answer, but something in my dick tells me that I do.

[brentkid]

Then you're just jealous.

[DickfaceChillah]

My parol officer might have some things to say about that one, the third offense is a big deal, y'know?

So what do you do with the parole officer?

[dontsneeze]

honestly, here's what you do:

no contact. don't call, don't write, don't email, don't facebook, nothing. if she contacts you, you tell her you're doing well, blah blah blah, just don't bring up getting back together. IF (and that's a big if) she suggests it, you take it from there. just don't seem too eager.

in the mean time, you get out of your house, hang out with friends, meet new people, work out, and improve yourself.

either she'll come back or you'll get over her. win-win.






or do the colon-fucking thing.

[SavedByTheScene]

Then you're just jealous.
...well... you're just... [insert immature explitive here]

[SavedByTheScene]

So what do you do with the parole officer?
Huh... I like the way you think.

[SavedByTheScene]

honestly, here's what you do:

no contact. don't call, don't write, don't email, don't facebook, nothing. if she contacts you, you tell her you're doing well, blah blah blah, just don't bring up getting back together. IF (and that's a big if) she suggests it, you take it from there. just don't seem too eager.

in the mean time, you get out of your house, hang out with friends, meet new people, work out, and improve yourself.

either she'll come back or you'll get over her. win-win.






or do the colon-fucking thing.
Yeah I tried getting out the other day actually, me and my friends went and bought some energy drinks and I had like 5 before my friend Joe decided to tell me about the whole "soccer player" thing. Then I proceeded to puke all over the swings of the park we were at. Not allowed there anymore...

or maybe I'll just do the colon fucking thing.

[DickfaceChillah]

Huh... I like the way you think.

Yo, but if you truly take my advice it was someone else's idea. Deal?

[dontsneeze]

Yeah I tried getting out the other day actually, me and my friends went and bought some energy drinks and I had like 5 before my friend Joe decided to tell me about the whole "soccer player" thing. Then I proceeded to puke all over the swings of the park we were at. Not allowed there anymore...

or maybe I'll just do the colon fucking thing.

we've all been there (or will be). as cliche as it sounds, give it time and you'll be fine no matter how it turns out.

on second thought, fuck the colon.

[SavedByTheScene]

Dude does anyone know if you can catch STD's from a colon?

[brentkid]

This running colon joke isn't funny.

[SavedByTheScene]

This running colon joke isn't funny.
Well aren't you quite the downer.

[coltenTALK]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end


ROFL! That's so messed.

[lovely864md]

Why the hell do you want her back? She left you for another guy. What's to say she won't do the exact same thing again? Find another bitch.

[intensified]

Why the hell do you want her back? She left you for another guy. What's to say she won't do the exact same thing again? Find another bitch.

Mary's my bitch. :giverose:

[lovely864md]

Mary's my bitch. :giverose:

Hahahaha you give all of your bitches roses?

[intensified]

Hahahaha you give all of your bitches roses?

Only you.

[lovely864md]

Only you.

Yes! I win over Micah! jk, goddamn.

[intensified]

Yes! I win over Micah! jk, goddamn.

Haha, I don't know about that. Micah is pretty damn sexy.

[lovely864md]

Haha, I don't know about that. Micah is pretty damn sexy.

K sweet, just because I can't balance on rocks. Whatever.

[intensified]

K sweet, just because I can't balance on rocks. Whatever.

Hahahaha. That made me lawl.

You are sexy, Mary. Very sexy. You're probably my sexiest lady friend. <3

[lovely864md]

Hahahaha. That made me lawl.

You are sexy, Mary. Very sexy. You're probably my sexiest lady friend. <3

:-) Works for me! Your blue streaks just fill me with lust.

[intensified]

:-) Works for me! Your blue streaks just fill me with lust.

As they should.

[njg418]

basically that girl is fucking shallow. ima side with intensified on this one, and i would seriously beat her ass for you.

my advice:
1. make her as jealous as possible
2. piss her off
3. piss on her house
4. and date her best friend.

[thespearkid]

I like that colon fucking thing. Do that.

[DickfaceChillah]

basically that girl is fucking shallow. ima side with intensified on this one, and i would seriously beat her ass for you.

my advice:
1. make her as jealous as possible
2. piss her off
3. piss on her house
4. and date her best friend.

and kill her!

[SauzaGold]

or you can shoot them both in the knee caps

[Nick Le]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

hahahaha. oh wow...

[SavedByTheScene]

If I kill them, does someone have a place that I can stay while the cops are looking for me? Cause I'm already on their list around here.

[SLoT]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end
Do this if you want your ex back.

[3mpire]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

Fuck. :-D

[Willy McFurgle]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

thats gold right there.

[chronomic]

If I kill them, does someone have a place that I can stay while the cops are looking for me? Cause I'm already on their list around here.

you're on their murderer list? dang.





ohand kill yourself

[chris1152]

But seriously though, trying to get her back will make you look needy and will really hurt your image. Build your confidence, eat a healthy diet, work out, and just take good care of yourself. Go out, meet some women, and be funny while also giving off the independent "I could get any woman I wanted" vibe. If you do all these things you'll be back on your feet in no time, and probably in an even better position than you were when you were with this girl.

[James_Brand]

If I kill them, does someone have a place that I can stay while the cops are looking for me? Cause I'm already on their list around here.

If done correctly, they would never know it was you. Since you already think you are incompetent at being a stealthy assassin, this would not be the best idea for you.

You should hook up with her sister if she has one. If no sister, her mom would suffice. And make sure you tell your ex that she doesn’t have nearly the skill in bed as her mom/sister. And tell her as often as possible, in full detail.

You could maybe set up a camera to take pictures during sex for a couple weeks and make her a collage. That would be a nice gift.

[intensified]

But seriously though, trying to get her back will make you look needy and will really hurt your image. Build your confidence, eat a healthy diet, work out, and just take good care of yourself. Go out, meet some women, and be funny while also giving off the independent "I could get any woman I wanted" vibe. If you do all these things you'll be back on your feet in no time, and probably in an even better position than you were when you were with this girl.

Worst vibe ever.

[Tyler Revolution]

If she's really that shallow why would you care?

Seriously. Fuck this bitch. Slit her throat, fuck her corpse, and get on with life.

[chris1152]

Worst vibe ever.
Not if you present yourself the right way.

[intensified]

Not if you present yourself the right way.

I can't stand the outgoing, conceited guys. I enjoy quiet kids. :shrug:

[chris1152]

I can't stand the outgoing, conceited guys. I enjoy quiet kids. :shrug:
Alright, but it is my understanding (based on experience and observation) that most females prefer a confident guy with his head on straight over grovelling, really needy ones that try too hard to get her attention. And when I mentioned that vibe its important not to lay it on too thickly. It really just needs to be implied that when the guy is asking a girl out / for her phone number, he displays that it is just fine if she says no because "there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

[brknhrtdbritt]

Alright, but it is my understanding (based on experience and observation) that most females prefer a confident guy with his head on straight over grovelling, really needy ones that try too hard to get her attention. And when I mentioned that vibe its important not to lay it on too thickly. It really just needs to be implied that when the guy is asking a girl out / for her phone number, he displays that it is just fine if she says no because "there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

seriously... if a guy is shy and needy girls will just walk all over them... nothing is more pathetic than a guy who would worship the ground you walk on and be your puppy

[intensified]

Alright, but it is my understanding (based on experience and observation) that most females prefer a confident guy with his head on straight over grovelling, really needy ones that try too hard to get her attention. And when I mentioned that vibe its important not to lay it on too thickly. It really just needs to be implied that when the guy is asking a girl out / for her phone number, he displays that it is just fine if she says no because "there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

Who said anything about needy guys? I guess the majority of girls like a confident guy. But, just because you are shy doesn't mean you're insecure and needy. When I said I didn't like loud, conceited guys, I just meant that I would rather have a listener than a talker.

Thank you for explaining yourself though.

[SavedByTheScene]

If done correctly, they would never know it was you. Since you already think you are incompetent at being a stealthy assassin, this would not be the best idea for you.

You should hook up with her sister if she has one. If no sister, her mom would suffice. And make sure you tell your ex that she doesn’t have nearly the skill in bed as her mom/sister. And tell her as often as possible, in full detail.

You could maybe set up a camera to take pictures during sex for a couple weeks and make her a collage. That would be a nice gift.
... Dude I can't hear you saying this, but I see no indication that this is a joke. Please, please tell me this is a joke. For my own mental sanity. (plus her mom's a whale)

[njg418]

and kill her!


indeed

[James_Brand]

... Dude I can't hear you saying this, but I see no indication that this is a joke. Please, please tell me this is a joke. For my own mental sanity. (plus her mom's a whale)

I'm not sure if you heard me say it, you would be able to tell. My brothers still have a hard time deciding if I'm joking or serious.

I wouldn't say I was serious, but I wouldn't say I was joking. Plus, girls love home-made gifts. I'm sure the collage will melt her heart and she'll run right back into your arms. Don't forget the doily hearts and a quote from the most romantic movie ever, Hellraiser: "I have such sights to show you."

[SavedByTheScene]

Ha ha.

[heyzombiehitler]

And if it doesn't work. Kill yourself.

[matty p]

If she's really that shallow why would you care?

i second it...why would u wanna bother with that?

[KandiDinosaur]

Bc shallow girls are usually really hot.

[MarsEatWorld]

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end
thats a long ways sir.

[Cure4commoncold]

Challenge him to a hump-off winner takes the girl.

1. Hump-Off (noun):
The act of competing sexually in a male, male, female 3 way with the other male.

DO IT DO IT

[eHaMpToN]

My girlfriend just left me on Sunday (today is Wednesday.) She wouldn't tell me why, only that it was personal crap. I assumed, based on that and the fact that she dumped me right when she got back from her dad's house for the weekend, that it was family oriented and not my field. But then yesterday I discovered through the magic of gossip that it was simply because she wanted to date some soccer player. What do I do? How do I compete with a guy who can kick canvas balls around? (sacrasm) Advice? Comments?

dont rip on soccer players first off. Um as for advice here. id say you already have the one up on the guy from previous time with her so approach her and tell her how you feel about it. if she really loves you shell take you back

analanalanalanalanalanalanalanalana lanal

[lo0serkid1118]

Fuck her man go kick that guys ass he's a field fairy he can't fight!! So kick his ass then make out with her best friend hehehe jk

[thesafeword]

Bc shallow girls are usually really hot.
We now know that you aren't shallow.

[HelpMeSleep]

ughh that sucks. my ex dumped me with absolutely no explanation about 2 weeks ago and then we finally talked like a week later and we were actually really civil and talked for like an hour on aim and then since neither of us was dating anyone else we talked about hooking up still. and then 2 nights later on thursday i was at a party and i was drunk texting him and he told me he didn't want to anymore because he found someone else who i didn't know. and then i got incredibly shit faced and cried for half the night and got my phone taken away by my friends several times so i would stop texting him and then like everyone at the party had to sit and comfort me at various points throughout the night. so basically the moral of the story is exes suck and i feel your pain.

i would just get over her... or atleast try to get over her and pretend like you are and hope that she comes back to you anyway... that's what i'm doing now haha. i figure that way you'll either get over them or get them back and it's better than moping and begging and being generally pathetic. oh, and i'm hoping to run into him at my family friend's baseball games since his little brother's on the team lol.

[.invisible ink.]

ughh that sucks. my ex dumped me with absolutely no explanation about 2 weeks ago and then we finally talked like a week later and we were actually really civil and talked for like an hour on aim and then since neither of us was dating anyone else we talked about hooking up still. and then 2 nights later on thursday i was at a party and i was drunk texting him and he told me he didn't want to anymore because he found someone else who i didn't know. and then i got incredibly shit faced and cried for half the night and got my phone taken away by my friends several times so i would stop texting him and then like everyone at the party had to sit and comfort me at various points throughout the night. so basically the moral of the story is exes suck and i feel your pain.

You sound like a blast to party with.

[HelpMeSleep]

You sound like a blast to party with.
that was just the one time and that was pat's fault. i'm normally the one who is not crying or puking and i'm always the one who wakes up early and cleans... except for that time.

[madelynn]

Date her best friend. If you cant have her piss her off. Thats what i'm doing.

[thesafeword]

So you're a lesbian?

[madelynn]

No. Just didnt word that right. oops. :-(

[thesafeword]

Haha, okay.

[Cure4commoncold]

ughh that sucks. my ex dumped me with absolutely no explanation about 2 weeks ago and then we finally talked like a week later and we were actually really civil and talked for like an hour on aim and then since neither of us was dating anyone else we talked about hooking up still. and then 2 nights later on thursday i was at a party and i was drunk texting him and he told me he didn't want to anymore because he found someone else who i didn't know. and then i got incredibly shit faced and cried for half the night and got my phone taken away by my friends several times so i would stop texting him and then like everyone at the party had to sit and comfort me at various points throughout the night. so basically the moral of the story is exes suck and i feel your pain.


The moral of this story is to always get drunk to the point where you're numb and don't feel emotion. Obviously someone needed to hand you another beer and they failed to do that.

[HelpMeSleep]

The moral of this story is to always get drunk to the point where you're numb and don't feel emotion. Obviously someone needed to hand you another beer and they failed to do that.
haha i dont know if that always works. although there actually was no beer, which was what i would have preferred. so i had far too many shots of vodka with a tequila shot somewhere in the middle and then once we killed the 2 bottles of smirnoff i moved on to malibu and captain morgan until i threw up.
my friends were actually taking drinks out of my hand throughout the night but then every time anyone took shots i'd jump in anyway or i'd just have my own. i can usually tell you how much i've had to drink but that night i have no clue just that it was a lot more than usual haha.

[Cure4commoncold]

There's this place, it's not quite to the point where you blackout or puke but it's right before that. I think that's where you needed to be. Beer is good, I think you mixing all those liquors together probably made things worse for you. Everyones different like certain alcohols will give you a good buzz and others you'll notice have a different effect. I've blacked out from anything but Beer. I don't weight that much so ill have like 8 full cups of beer at a party and ill black the fuck out. I've drank bottles of vodka solely by myself though and I've been fine and can remember everything.

[MyNameIsRoss]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end


yeah, great post.

[HelpMeSleep]

There's this place, it's not quite to the point where you blackout or puke but it's right before that. I think that's where you needed to be. Beer is good, I think you mixing all those liquors together probably made things worse for you. Everyones different like certain alcohols will give you a good buzz and others you'll notice have a different effect. I've blacked out from anything but Beer. I don't weight that much so ill have like 8 full cups of beer at a party and ill black the fuck out. I've drank bottles of vodka solely by myself though and I've been fine and can remember everything.
yeah, i don't think i blacked out that night... actually i don't think i've ever blacked out, atleast to my knowledge. although i dunno... i probably have now that i think about it actually haha. but yeah, i know the drink mixing wasn't too smart. i dunno i haven't really drank much beer at parties, but to me it seems more appealing than like vodka for sure.

[Cure4commoncold]

i dunno i haven't really drank much beer at parties, but to me it seems more appealing than like vodka for sure.

Now that is just silly talk, Vodka is great. One of my friends who is a guy refuses to drink Beer at parties it disheartens me greatly because I feel he's missing out on a great thing.

[timb89]

sadly enough to say
if she wanted to be with you? she would?
if you like her that much you should want whats best for her
or what will make her happy

[thesafeword]

No.

[HelpMeSleep]

Now that is just silly talk, Vodka is great. One of my friends who is a guy refuses to drink Beer at parties it disheartens me greatly because I feel he's missing out on a great thing.
ahh i used to love vodka... when i first started drinking, i was always like yayy vodka. nowadays though, whenever i drink it i like gag and feel like i might throw up. and yet i drink it anyway. rum is probably my favorite... malibu and captain morgan.
btw, i just realized you were my friend on last.fm, except i made a new account. but yeah, your username was really, really familiar and that was why. and you like cobra starship... thats awesome!

[SavedByTheScene]

Um, hey guys, I know I haven't posted in a long time. It's me, y'know, the guy who this whole damn thing as actually about :-P. I went to summer camp, then England on vacation, so I haven't been around in weeks. But um, about the whole girl situation, yeah, it's all worked out.

With the help of your advice, I beat the shit outta that soccer player kid. Then I got over that girl pretty fast, 'cause at summer camp I met this girl who's into metal and emo-pop. What more could you ask for from a girl right? Yeah so, no problems anymore. I'm livin' it up. Thanks for everything though, I've saved that colon fucking thing into my mind so next time I need help that's what I'll do. By the way, Timb89, that's some Disney Channel bullshit. We all know it never works lol.

[rorschach]

Um, hey guys, I know I haven't posted in a long time. It's me, y'know, the guy who this whole damn thing as actually about :-P. I went to summer camp, then England on vacation, so I haven't been around in weeks. But um, about the whole girl situation, yeah, it's all worked out.

With the help of your advice, I beat the shit outta that soccer player kid. Then I got over that girl pretty fast, 'cause at summer camp I met this girl who's into metal and emo-pop. What more could you ask for from a girl right? Yeah so, no problems anymore. I'm livin' it up. Thanks for everything though, I've saved that colon fucking thing into my mind so next time I need help that's what I'll do. By the way, Timb89, that's some Disney Channel bullshit. We all know it never works lol.

i cant help but feel sorry for the soccer player.

[glitteryunicorn]

full of lulz

[godloveskeller]

I dated a soccer player.



He's fucking insane.
Be happy you're not w/ her anymore.

[Sventhegreat]

when both of them are at a football game, you should talk to the guy. just tell him "hey, man what's up, I just want to talk to you for a minute.". When he's like "Okay", you should find an empty spot where you can talk easily. You should say to him "Hey, man, I just wanna let you know that I'm cool with you guys being together. At first I thought you were kind of a dick, but I´ve seen how you treat my girl, and we´re cool. "

He´ll probably be like "Really?"

At this point you have to say "No, I was just finding a nice spot to try out my new baby."
"My new bab...?"

Before he finished his sentence, you should have pulled out a katana sword and chopped the guy in two. After this, you should pull out his colon, fuck it, and give it to your girlfriend as a gift.

She'll say: "OH MY GOD! MY FUCKING DEAD BOYFRIENDS FUCKING COLON, IT'S ALL BLOODING, AND IT HAS YOU FUCKING CUM IN IT!!!!!!!!!"
"How did you KNOW that? You knew how much I like stinking colons from dead boyfriends you just murdered. Oh, SavedByTheScene, make love to me, please! Rip me apart like you can rip apart those plastic bags, you know! The one where you stick you finger in it! Until your finger comes through!"

Then you should anal her until you reach her stomach

the end

Brilliant man. Fucking Brilliant.

[thesafeword]

Soccer is probably one of the most boring sports ever. Unless it's the Euros or the World Cup.