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GhostMachine
07/05/08, 11:06 AM
Watching window panes shake in the morning,
while the winds dance outside,
I hear echoes of your voice in the twister,
as it gets closer to our home...

I slowly pace the floorboards,
trapped between three walls and a door,
while the wood creeks beneath me,
I'm not sure what's out there anymore...

So, won't you hold me tight,
while the violent dance slowly dies,
we can share secrets we've never shared before,
oh baby please don't run away anymore.

Now hand in hand we walk amongst the fallen trees and rooftop shingles,
looking at faces barely vibrant in the light,
remorse covers most of our eyes,
but at least we're alive and I know that this will be hard,
but we're stronger than before...

So don't pack your bags,
and don't leave me behind,
I know I don't have all the answers but I have the questions,
and we can sort out this mess together,
please try...please try...for me,
please try for me...

Walking among broken roads,
I see our strength no longer grows,
and weeks ago you did leave,
and still I hear the window panes shaking.

thejaredens
07/05/08, 01:50 PM
I thought it was okey ... could use some work in a few lines but overall I think its pretty good

TK
07/08/08, 04:53 AM
It's okay. It's cliche in parts, and a bit repetitive. With some work, it could be good.

Side note: The use of "baby" in this made me cringe.

GhostMachine
07/08/08, 10:17 AM
Yeah, I get what you meant. I was trying to get it out without destroying my concentration and as soon as work dies down I'll get back to editing, but I definitely appreciate the comments from both of you.