Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.

[SteveD]

Listen to the song here:
Www.MySpace.Com/MemoriesJersey

I just needed you to know
For once just enough
Just whispers not in my ear
But in my heart
Let it rip away, oh let it slip
Into oblivion I’ll drip
Until the loneliness sets in

I’ll go wherever you need me to go
Because Hughes she is the sun and the soul

I’ve been alone
Too many nights to call this home
Don’t let it go
Let it build until your bridges collapse
Relapse until you can no longer see her
Redeemer you’ll bring the rapture

Let it rain, let it pour
Let your dreams walk out the door.

Let it all go
And burn all you bridges down

Open up your mind no open up your eyes
Leave the past behind you’ll find you’re
Darker inside
You’ve made mistakes
Of which you can erase
Just make your peace
Just know the mourning will bring you sleep

I’ll go wherever you need me to go
Because Hughes she is the sun and the soul

Collapse relapse until can’t feel her
Redeemer you’ll bring the rapture

I don’t believe anything you say
You can tell me anyway you want
Regardless of my helplessness I’m still so lost
I breathe in, breathe out

[thesafeword]

Didn't really read it, I just had to click.

[SteveD]

hah understood no biggieee

[a speedo model]

I just needed you to know
For once just enough
Just whispers not in my ear
But in my heart
Let it rip away, oh let it slip
Into oblivion I’ll drip
Until the loneliness sets in
The imagery here isn't overly interesting, if at all. Also, the flow of lines and thoughts is off for the sake of rhymes, which are bad in general, making them cringe worthy.

I’ll go wherever you need me to go
Because Hughes she is the sun and the soul

This feels...pointless? The first line is just too simple to be anything but a lead in and the second line doesn't carry the weight of two lines that is needed to make this worth keeping.

I’ve been alone
Too many nights to call this home
Don’t let it go
Let it build until your bridges collapse

This is very bad. Uninteresting or original imagery and themes that are just not conveyed well. This is nothing new, nothing I haven't read before on here and elsewhere.

Relapse until you can no longer see her
Redeemer you’ll bring the rapture

The last line feels out of place, the imagery and idea does not fit the rest of this section or even the piece. It feels thrown in to be clever or just for the sake of rhyming with "her" but it just sticks out and feels far too forced.

Let it rain, let it pour
Let your dreams walk out the door.

No. Another portion where the second line feels like it was put in for the convenience of the rhyme and not the power of the imagery.
Let it all go
And burn all you bridges down

There isn't anything, it feels like one line. And it's nothing special, nothing interesting. Just "let it all go and burn all you(r) bridges down" what can one say about that?

Open up your mind no open up your eyes
Leave the past behind you’ll find you’re
Darker inside
You’ve made mistakes
Of which you can erase
Just make your peace
Just know the mourning will bring you sleep
The first line is a typo? Or am I missing something? The rest is bad. Leave the past behind you'll find you're darker inside? Come on, that's not even interesting or gripping. There is no passion or feeling in it. It's just a bunch of simply constructed lines that have the most trite and simple rhymes.

I don’t believe anything you say
You can tell me anyway you want
Regardless of my helplessness I’m still so lost
I breathe in, breathe out
This isn't a good closer, it really doesn't seem to sum anything up or bring any closure to anything. The last line is almost a clever, if not somewhat emotional, ending but it is just too overdone.

Also, upon reading this I found I had no idea what the fuck this is about. It just feels like a mess, with love song cliches thrown in, a few I hate you cliches, some moving on cliches, and some burning bridges as well. I don't know, just nothing interesting or fresh to the influx of lyrics. This doesn't really stand out or do anything different. Keep writing.

[SteveD]

a speedo model:

Maybe I should have stated this somewhere, there is a huge concept behind my songs. In this one in particular is a conversation between 2 characters Hughes and Eden.

This is where is gets really Sci-Fi.

Eden is someone known in the world as The Redeemer, and it is said that The Redeemer will bring upon The Rapture/Apocalypse then save the world. This song takes place when Eden is first taken off Earth to train with the Angel Hughes.

The first verse is Eden thinking about a girl named Ai (who he is in love with) He is basically thinking about telling her how he feels and how he cant tell her because he would be putting her in danger.

The verse/bridge thing is him telling hughes that he will basically do whatever he needs him to to protect her.

The next verse is Hughes telling Eden that he has felt the same way, that he has had to cast people out of his life in order to protect them. He tells Eden not to let his feelings go but to harness them and use them as power and motivation until he cant anymore. The last line is just Hughes reminding him who he is.

The bridge is Hughes telling him to just let things happen as they should, and that his former life is gone so he has to let his old life go, all the hopes and dreams he had.

The Chorus is Hughes again telling Eden again to let his old life go. It's also a reference to when he can't take anymore emotional pain, to just let it all go (Which is how Hughes thinks he will access his Redeemer powers)

The next verse is Hughes again. He is telling Eden that he has to look farther then just what he has been taught before to become The Redeemer he has to throw everything he knows about any teaching he has ever been away and learn the truth about what he is capable of and how he must bring it out and what it will cause. Toward the end he is telling Eden that even though he has made mistakes in his training that makes it take longer for him to understand his potential and not to take them out on himself.

The outro shows Eden not believing in himself, thinking that he can't possible some larger then life character that everyone is telling him he is. He feels lost. Hughes tells him to breathe and calm down and Eden start to understand.

I know it's nerdy and I will probably get ripped apart for having such a ridiculous plot.

I hope it clears some things up for you, I understand that knowing the meaning behind the song doesn't make it better in your eyes. What sucks, still sucks no matter what I guess.

Thanks for your opinion though, when I post more thing I would love for you to do you thing again.

Steve

[SuicideKing]

i don't mind the song being a conversation between characters, but i think using they're proper names in the song is a bit confusing

[SteveD]

Yeah thats true. I am really inspired by Claudio Sanchez and I guess his vagueness rubs off on me just not as good of corse.

I really appreciate all these comments though thank yo guys, have you listened to the actual song? What did you think?