A dilemna

[thejaredens]

Sifting thoughts through rusted sieves
I scratched my hands on paper clips
Ive watched as this world has turned to hate
and bruised myself anyway

I am a clone
I am a worthless drone
Come carry me home
become my addiction
become all sufficient [ alcohol]

I put this knife right through
and let the blood escape
I am a worthless , no good liar
help me with these mistakes [ alcohol ]

its rough but if I could get some suggestions .. it would be good

[checkered.stars]

Maybe it's just me, but I think your symbolism in the beginning needs some work. It just doesn't click.

[thejaredens]

Maybe it's just me, but I think your symbolism in the beginning needs some work. It just doesn't click.

thats the part that I thought was rough ... I am trying desperately to come up with a new beginning .. the song is exactly what I feel about myself so it sorta cuts deep when I read it ... yeah it creeps me out to read this and know that I am just one of the million people struggling with depression ya know .. and it seems I place my trust in alcohol whenever things go wrong and I hate it .. okey enough emo ranting lol ...

[checkered.stars]

thats the part that I thought was rough ... I am trying desperately to come up with a new beginning .. the song is exactly what I feel about myself so it sorta cuts deep when I read it ... yeah it creeps me out to read this and know that I am just one of the million people struggling with depression ya know .. and it seems I place my trust in alcohol whenever things go wrong and I hate it .. okey enough emo ranting lol ...
Ohhhhh so that wasn't symbolism at all. Never mind then.

[SuicideKing]

the first line is fantastic... but i thought the rest was really cliched emo...