Be the Sun

[chaosB4storm]

I'm about to give this one to a girl that I like. No pressure though, she likes me, this is just bonus haha. I'd appreciate it if you told me what you think.

Be the Sun

Be the sun that slays the storm
Before it scrapes and scars the earth
Shine the light on all my shadows
And illuminate my worth

And though I know I've loved before
You’ve locked all but a lonely door
So like my mother would for me
After a scary movie
Please open a bit more...
I want to see the light

So break through the glass
And like a thief steal my past away
‘Cause I don’t want to deal with the pain
And now gamble with a horde
Of all the chances we ignored
Before I ever heard your name

Be the sun that solemnly sets
On the lives that live through beams
Of majestic timely touch
That turns my nightmares into dreams

Here’s to you being the only one
Here’s to letting the downpour run
Here’s to the shoes left out in the rain
Though I still wear them every day
Here’s to the sun

[The Rush]

First, I would like to say that no matter what you write Rick.. it won't change the fact that deep down you and Brady will end up together.

Second, I really like the last stanza but the rest isn't quite as good as some of the other stuff you've written. Its a little bit more abstract than I'm used to coming from you even though you have a tendancy to write some weird shit lol. I think she'll like it though, got the softer touch and its not really as harsh to read.

[chaosB4storm]

We've already discussed this, although we may not be entirely sure about Brady's sexual orientation, it remains clear that I am straight lol. (by the way, fuck you haha)

Other than that, I kind of have to agree with the rest. Thanks for the comments.

[The Rush]

True. Maybe it was never meant to be.

[chaosB4storm]

Are there too many alliterations in this poem Rush? Because although it makes for a *less harsh read* as you put it, I hope I didn't overdo it lol.

[The Rush]

I think for a girl that probably doesn't write very often (if at all) it is a perfect amount. I think she'll appreciate the alliterations more than a person that writes.

[chaosB4storm]

any other comments would be greatly appreciated

Bumpski

[SuicideKing]

i didn't like the second stanza at all on the first read, but having reread it it doesn't bug me as much... but i think it's the only thing that needs work... the last stanza gave me goosebumps... over all, great job, in my humble opinion

[chaosB4storm]

i was iffy about the second stanza also, which is weird, because its the first one i wrote, and its what gave me the idea...funny how that works.

thanks for the comments :), glad you like the last verse, its my favourite also.