staticandclarity
07/09/08, 07:05 PM
by morning your gone
that is why i never wished to sleep
i never wanted to lose the memory
or depart from what i felt at the time
because to me thats what sleep had become
just a time to close your eyes and stop thinking
and forget..
i wish you'd stayed
i wish i'd stayed
in wonder:
you are now gone and no longer easy to find
when my eyes are open and im all thats holding on
to reflections of the past slowly shifting through my clenched fists
like sand; grains of sand that become more like clouds in the sky.
so discouraged and tired
i walked all over this damned world from ocean to ocean
but only memories are clues but they just lead me back
to where i began. and left like an old man and his memory.
now i give to sleep like its a drug keeping me alive.
but maybe in some strange way
when i wake up you'll be there
or will still know your outline in the dark
all i can do now is close my eyes
and count myself to dream.
even my dreams are as clouded as my living and thinking
i pass through each one much like the last
more relatively dissapointed
and fall deeper and deeper into the blackness of my sleep cycle
as if im tumbling down a rabbit hole.
i find myself below the clouds of smoke
underneath the radar
where no one can see
next thing i know...im in my car
the one we used to escape the night
and there you are...so delicately placed in the passenger seat.
everything is a dark shade of black and grey
textured with static and rainfall
but i believe the last part was just the reflection of the downpour outside
a storm was coming and we sat inside of it.
but so safe and soundly we were kept
i couldnt speak a word...just as badly as you want to scream in your sleep
but its as if your tongue has been taken out...or you just simply forgot how to speak.
you opened your mouth and whispered so quietly
"you're here...you're still here"
i tried everything i could to get something out
something deep and meaningful or at least what i had been dying to get out lately
all i could was stutter out like a broken child was "i am...i still am"
you looked at me with your eyes so wide and exposed
and showed me that side you never let anyone see just once more
and said with a quiver in your voice..."you were being true...you're true"
a thousand words circling my head waiting to escape but just 3 came out
"im always here"
this was the only moment we were alone so i held on for dearest life
as we continued driving looking for an escape from the storm and the world.
the feeling of security and that everything is going to be okay was thrown over me
like the blanket we shared and fought over so many nights
your always contagious laugh caught me like a cold
and i swear once more we were infinite.
for this moment.
but in one fell swoop...it just stopped
you are gone
i am in my bed...not my car
you are still gone
i recall back and forth trying to connect this with my...i didnt want to say it
but you are still gone...without a trace
all i have are again...these clues from my head filled with memories
except this one was different...because it never happened.
it did though...and maybe in some strange way you were there too
maybe we existed where no one could see
and only we could understand
besides...thats all that really mattered anyway.
im not sure what i saw that day that triggered my thoughts around you that evening
not that it matters...because everything tends to remind me of you.
i can only hope that there is still something that keeps me alive in your mind
somewhere at least...in the far depths of your thinking...you can find me
still on top of the world...still laughing...and still there...waiting for you.
that is why i never wished to sleep
i never wanted to lose the memory
or depart from what i felt at the time
because to me thats what sleep had become
just a time to close your eyes and stop thinking
and forget..
i wish you'd stayed
i wish i'd stayed
in wonder:
you are now gone and no longer easy to find
when my eyes are open and im all thats holding on
to reflections of the past slowly shifting through my clenched fists
like sand; grains of sand that become more like clouds in the sky.
so discouraged and tired
i walked all over this damned world from ocean to ocean
but only memories are clues but they just lead me back
to where i began. and left like an old man and his memory.
now i give to sleep like its a drug keeping me alive.
but maybe in some strange way
when i wake up you'll be there
or will still know your outline in the dark
all i can do now is close my eyes
and count myself to dream.
even my dreams are as clouded as my living and thinking
i pass through each one much like the last
more relatively dissapointed
and fall deeper and deeper into the blackness of my sleep cycle
as if im tumbling down a rabbit hole.
i find myself below the clouds of smoke
underneath the radar
where no one can see
next thing i know...im in my car
the one we used to escape the night
and there you are...so delicately placed in the passenger seat.
everything is a dark shade of black and grey
textured with static and rainfall
but i believe the last part was just the reflection of the downpour outside
a storm was coming and we sat inside of it.
but so safe and soundly we were kept
i couldnt speak a word...just as badly as you want to scream in your sleep
but its as if your tongue has been taken out...or you just simply forgot how to speak.
you opened your mouth and whispered so quietly
"you're here...you're still here"
i tried everything i could to get something out
something deep and meaningful or at least what i had been dying to get out lately
all i could was stutter out like a broken child was "i am...i still am"
you looked at me with your eyes so wide and exposed
and showed me that side you never let anyone see just once more
and said with a quiver in your voice..."you were being true...you're true"
a thousand words circling my head waiting to escape but just 3 came out
"im always here"
this was the only moment we were alone so i held on for dearest life
as we continued driving looking for an escape from the storm and the world.
the feeling of security and that everything is going to be okay was thrown over me
like the blanket we shared and fought over so many nights
your always contagious laugh caught me like a cold
and i swear once more we were infinite.
for this moment.
but in one fell swoop...it just stopped
you are gone
i am in my bed...not my car
you are still gone
i recall back and forth trying to connect this with my...i didnt want to say it
but you are still gone...without a trace
all i have are again...these clues from my head filled with memories
except this one was different...because it never happened.
it did though...and maybe in some strange way you were there too
maybe we existed where no one could see
and only we could understand
besides...thats all that really mattered anyway.
im not sure what i saw that day that triggered my thoughts around you that evening
not that it matters...because everything tends to remind me of you.
i can only hope that there is still something that keeps me alive in your mind
somewhere at least...in the far depths of your thinking...you can find me
still on top of the world...still laughing...and still there...waiting for you.