OKComputer1016
07/12/08, 02:02 PM
Heavy Heavy Low Low - Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock
Record Label: Ferret Music
Release Date: August 19, 2008
What the hell is wrong with this guy? Is he doing this on purpose? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Smith, the Fred Durst of hardcore has returned for yet another mind-numbing slab of un-music, and you have for some reason returned to read about it. Maybe you sought this article with the same urges that provoke somebody to read a Shakespearean tragedy; but I’ll keep this as short and simple as possible because I’d like to get back to looking up the definition of "music" on www.dictionary.com (http://www.dictionary.com).
I can totally dig how weird these songs are; musically this really is some cool stuff, and it would fit into the same folder on your iPod as The Number 12 Looks Like You. But these vocals are just complete sabotage. I don’t know if this is a group of musicians who just had a friend they wanted to include in the group or if these results were what they were seriously aiming for, but I would rather listen to a fire alarm and/or Barbara Streisand than this.
I mean, Horse the Band’s vocals you can get used to eventually, and These Arms Are Snakes are actually somewhat enhanced by their singer’s atonal howling. But this shit is just not passable (obviously, if we’re into the third paragraph now and I haven’t moved on). You can’t even really pay attention to whatever else is going on in the music because that constant bark just will not relent.
The thing is, these guys have got potential. It drives me how awesome the music is in “Is This Your Homework?,” but that they throw it all away by putting this mental patient on the microphone – and I don’t mean that in the Daughters way, where it would be a compliment. The group needs to always make this kind of Mike Patton leaning rock, and they need to do it in a side project where everyone but the singer commits to making real songs.
As Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock just keeps on going, HHLL eventually even ruin “Wasted” by Black Flag. If you can’t even sound as focused as Black fucking Flag, then you’re horrible. That group pretty much set the standards for bad vocals on that album, but I’m telling you they didn’t even know what bad was when they made that.
Just like The Bled’s Found in the Flood, there’s a hidden track after a bunch of recorded noise that seems to go on forever (or, if you can remember, Limp Bizkit did this too). Don’t worry, the hidden track is pretty much as worthless as the rest of the album – but it does work a wah-guitar into the mix pretty nicely. Just another example of HHLL’s musical experimentation being hidden behind a bunch of noise.
To throw their own quote right back at them: “What the fuck were you thinking?!?” Without a doubt, this is the worst frontman in metal right now... maybe in music. This group will be remembered just as hilariously as Limp Bizkit is remembered now. Just look at the title of the album: Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock. Hmmm. Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, anybody?)
Horse the Band, The Number 12 Looks Like You, severing your ear drums out with a pen or whatever else is around
myspace.com/heavyheavylowlow (http://www.myspace.com/heavyheavylowlow)
Record Label: Ferret Music
Release Date: August 19, 2008
What the hell is wrong with this guy? Is he doing this on purpose? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Smith, the Fred Durst of hardcore has returned for yet another mind-numbing slab of un-music, and you have for some reason returned to read about it. Maybe you sought this article with the same urges that provoke somebody to read a Shakespearean tragedy; but I’ll keep this as short and simple as possible because I’d like to get back to looking up the definition of "music" on www.dictionary.com (http://www.dictionary.com).
I can totally dig how weird these songs are; musically this really is some cool stuff, and it would fit into the same folder on your iPod as The Number 12 Looks Like You. But these vocals are just complete sabotage. I don’t know if this is a group of musicians who just had a friend they wanted to include in the group or if these results were what they were seriously aiming for, but I would rather listen to a fire alarm and/or Barbara Streisand than this.
I mean, Horse the Band’s vocals you can get used to eventually, and These Arms Are Snakes are actually somewhat enhanced by their singer’s atonal howling. But this shit is just not passable (obviously, if we’re into the third paragraph now and I haven’t moved on). You can’t even really pay attention to whatever else is going on in the music because that constant bark just will not relent.
The thing is, these guys have got potential. It drives me how awesome the music is in “Is This Your Homework?,” but that they throw it all away by putting this mental patient on the microphone – and I don’t mean that in the Daughters way, where it would be a compliment. The group needs to always make this kind of Mike Patton leaning rock, and they need to do it in a side project where everyone but the singer commits to making real songs.
As Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock just keeps on going, HHLL eventually even ruin “Wasted” by Black Flag. If you can’t even sound as focused as Black fucking Flag, then you’re horrible. That group pretty much set the standards for bad vocals on that album, but I’m telling you they didn’t even know what bad was when they made that.
Just like The Bled’s Found in the Flood, there’s a hidden track after a bunch of recorded noise that seems to go on forever (or, if you can remember, Limp Bizkit did this too). Don’t worry, the hidden track is pretty much as worthless as the rest of the album – but it does work a wah-guitar into the mix pretty nicely. Just another example of HHLL’s musical experimentation being hidden behind a bunch of noise.
To throw their own quote right back at them: “What the fuck were you thinking?!?” Without a doubt, this is the worst frontman in metal right now... maybe in music. This group will be remembered just as hilariously as Limp Bizkit is remembered now. Just look at the title of the album: Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock. Hmmm. Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, anybody?)
Horse the Band, The Number 12 Looks Like You, severing your ear drums out with a pen or whatever else is around
myspace.com/heavyheavylowlow (http://www.myspace.com/heavyheavylowlow)