If I could play piano I'd probably make a song out of this

[bootsydan]

The new day finds it’s way underneath my blinds
The worlds waking up to get to work on time
And for a moment there my mind was so at ease
Yeah those couple of hours when I was still asleep
Oh what will open my eyes today?

And there’s old drinks at friends that keep us up to date
The days trickle past yeah, but nothing much has changed
I’m just driving back and forth along the same old roads
Thinking if I blended in with the tarmac that no one at all would know
Yeah but some things you just have to wait out

So I’m trying to keep my head but it’s taking its toll
And I’m spending hours in my room with nothing to show, for it
And the change of seasons well they just come and go
Not bothering to break or turn when things are moving slow

Yeah the new day finds it’s way underneath my blinds
Just the world letting me know that I am in fact still alive

[chaosB4storm]

i like this a lot......it has very uniform attitude and imagery throughout....great flow also.

And the change of seasons well they just come and go
Not bothering to break or turn when things are moving slow

not the biggest fan of those two lines because it gets a little too "rhymey" lol for my taste, but I like how it keeps with the driving theme in the second stanza

overall, very well done.

[SockMonkeyRiot]

"Yeah the new day finds it’s way underneath my blinds
Just the world letting me know that I am in fact still alive"

I like this

[SuicideKing]

i dig that second stanza... i feel just like that a lot of days

[TK]

Too be honest, I thought the subject matter was pretty cliche. Although you wrote this really, really well in my opinion. I definitely enjoyed this, but it's nothing original(Again, in my opinion).

The second stanza and last two lines were my favorite parts.

[MCSmate]

I actually thought this was pretty good. The last two lines were my favorite.

[bootsydan]

i like this a lot......it has very uniform attitude and imagery throughout....great flow also.

And the change of seasons well they just come and go
Not bothering to break or turn when things are moving slow

not the biggest fan of those two lines because it gets a little too "rhymey" lol for my taste, but I like how it keeps with the driving theme in the second stanza

overall, very well done.

Thanks man. I was expecting someone to say something about the rhyming haha. But I don't mind it, so I'm happy.

"Yeah the new day finds it’s way underneath my blinds
Just the world letting me know that I am in fact still alive"

I like this

Thanks heaps.

i dig that second stanza... i feel just like that a lot of days

Thanks man.

Too be honest, I thought the subject matter was pretty cliche. Although you wrote this really, really well in my opinion. I definitely enjoyed this, but it's nothing original(Again, in my opinion).

The second stanza and last two lines were my favorite parts.

You're probably right, the subject matter could be a bit cliche. I'm not sure I've ever done anything truly original. But for now it's just the way I feel. It's just song lyrics. I wrote some of these lines a year or two ago, and just got around to making it better recently. That's not an excuse. I just found it funny how I still felt the same as I did a year or two ago. Maybe my life is a cliche.

Thanks for reading/commenting.

I actually thought this was pretty good. The last two lines were my favorite.

Lol, you say that like you were expecting something totally trash. Oh well, glad I blew expectations. Thanks for reading/commenting.

[MCSmate]

Lol, you say that like you were expecting something totally trash. Oh well, glad I blew expectations. Thanks for reading/commenting.

No I wasn't expecting anything bad or anything. It might have been the word "actually". I don't know, but good job on this.

[bootsydan]

Anyone else? Any oldies/regulars?
I'd much appreciate it.

[TK]

Bump, bump, bump!
Bump, bump, bump!
Bumpage is fun!

[TK]

And I should make myself more clear, I didn't think this was too cliche. It just seemed like I've read it before, you know what I mean? Still, I think I liked this more than anything else you've written.

[bootsydan]

Bump, bump, bump!
Bump, bump, bump!
Bumpage is fun!

Thanks man. Seriously, you probably don't realize how big a compliment I find it that another user bumps my own work for me. It's possibly better than you telling me you like my writing. Or it possibly means exactly the same thing.

And I understood your comment perfectly. I agree with you. I think 'cliche' might not be the right word. But 'original' probably is. If I wrote this in the 60's it probably would've carried a lot more weight. But in year 2008 this is just not very eye opening.

[lew_1987]

I could relate to the message with this and what you were trying to say, so that's good. I don't think you really managed to advance it enough, if you get what I mean. There's a slight advancement from the first section to the second section (saying that you don't want to get up and then saying you do the same things quite often). I feel like the third section just carries this on, rather than saying something new. If it was me, I'd get rid of that whole third paragraph and write something new for it.

[bootsydan]

I could relate to the message with this and what you were trying to say, so that's good. I don't think you really managed to advance it enough, if you get what I mean. There's a slight advancement from the first section to the second section (saying that you don't want to get up and then saying you do the same things quite often). I feel like the third section just carries this on, rather than saying something new. If it was me, I'd get rid of that whole third paragraph and write something new for it.

Ah thanks man. You've hit the nail on the head.

You know when kind of writing the third verse I only really included cause I felt two just wasn't enough. But you've nailed it - the third verse adds nothing, when I really needed something killer for this to be considered good.

Thanks for commenting.