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NextTimeAround
07/15/08, 06:08 AM
just something i am working on.. could use some advice i'm not sure if it's ready to be sung, i've kind of been in a slump lately.


I'll always be looking up to you, wishing you'd see me eye to eye.
But you don't see anything, no you don't see anything.
You tell the world that your life is set;
Settling for only second to second best,
Because it's what you think is right, but nothings more right..
Than me and you, and us tomorrow night.

I hate my smile.
Somehow you never sieze to summon it with just a step and a hint.
That i'm not as hopeless as your are amazing.
(Can't help it, I'm helpless)
I look at you and I freeze.
Eyes like Medusa. Beauty of Aphrodite.
(I just don't know what to say)
You tell them that your life is set.
Settling for only second to second best,
Because it's what you think is right, but nothings more right.
Than me and you, and us tomorrow night.

You're begging for attention in all the wrong places.
You're begging for attention in all the wrong places.
Ya you're begging for attention in all the wrong places.
Begging for attention.
(I wish you could see)

To you I'm non-existant.
But I would give an arm and a leg..
..to be the only paraplegic in your vision.
Now you donate your perfection, through lack of contraceptives.
You're the best damn thing to ever come to this town.
You can't tell me your life is set.
Settling for only second to second best,
Because it's what you think is right, but nothings more right.
Than me and you, and us tomorrow night.

TK
07/15/08, 09:18 AM
Too be honest, I didn't think it was any good. It was just so...bland. Not necessary terrible by any means, but very mediocre.

chaosB4storm
07/15/08, 10:59 AM
Too be honest, I didn't think it was any good. It was just so...bland. Not necessary terrible by any means, but very mediocre.

agreed. there are no standout parts to this piece. I think you have potential though, write another one because I feel that you can probably write some pretty good stuff. I see you building some pretty strong parts up in this poem, but it doesn't quite work in this one for me.