how to win her

[crushlustcrash]

her neck was hurting.
her fingers was aching.
her eyes was giving up on her.
she was breaking.
poiting closer to her flaws.
she screams in her dreams.
looking for clouds to cover her mistakes.
her once black painted nails are fading.
she regret every air she's breathing.
she hurts with every step she's taking.
without a sober day in her path.
you can smell the death in her steps.
the desperation of perfection.
the taste of mints in your poise poisons.
the sense of mind of fictions.

hey pretty boy,
why woldnt you let her go?
cupid took no part of you.
yet you left springkles in her drinks.
spreading the plauges of the four letter mantra
left her wondering where you have gone to
sitting waiting for the moment she can be with you.
but darkness climbs.
mirror cuts.
while you turn the other cheek.
she's waiting to see your face beyond the rain.
its better to put a gun through her head than this.
leave her.
let her be hollow like a dead tree.
i'll fill her up with everything i got.
may not be great.
it may still leave a hole in her heart.
but i would buy a truck worth of glue.
to stick her back together when she falls apart.

[chaosB4storm]

i liked this. the second stanza i feel is much better than the first, as it ends with a beautiful metaphor.

I can tell that this is a very inspired piece which is very big part of writing good poetry.

there are a couple grammatical errors that, of course, I didn't like. (her fingers was aching, she regrets every air she's breathing)

but well done nonetheless.

[crushlustcrash]

thank you.
fyi,i done this half drunk.
i didnt even remember doing it.
lol.so weird.

[GhostMachine]

This needs to be redone. Grammatically its crap. I'm not even gonna bother trying to read until then but either way it seems over dramatic.