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ForgetIsRegret
07/21/08, 12:27 PM
I wrote this a few years back and I want some honest criticizing, thank you.

And when I speak I feel like noone’s listening
When they speak I know I’m always listening
And the world turns, but not the same
It’s spinning though in a different way
And the ocean, with its great big waves
They’re crashing, keeping the moon from… today

These things are why
We live our lives
We’re freely able to speak our minds
With the sense that
These thoughts will pass with time

So I’m swimming, my body’s giving up
All this water, these arms just aren’t enough
Like an airplane, Blowing through clouds
With its engines, too stubborn to come down
In Hollywood, people would kill for fame
Just to be in stone, on that long walk… of shame

These things are why
We live our lives
We’re freely able
To speak our minds
With the sense that
These thoughts will pass with time

So the world, can be a great place
With the oceans, and airplanes
People swimming, the walk in Hollywood
You can make it, so you better make… it good

These things are why
We live our lives
From day to day
We speak our minds
With the sense that
We’ll learn from this in time

TinyChick
08/30/08, 06:47 AM
I really enjoyed this, poem, song, whatever it is.
Ur 3rd Stanza is my favorite.
I liked your rhyme scheme too.