Hit the Bricks

[h0merg0mez]

This is an idea that's been floating around for a while, it still needs work but I'd like some feedback or additional help. It is called "HIT THE BRICKS!"

He hit rock bottom -he hit a cop
yeah, he hit him right in the mouth
then his life got turned around
he once was lost and now he’s found
But I was never too far gone
I always know the streets I’m walking on
But sometimes you’ve got to take some roads
Just to see where you’ll end up
I’ve got a soul for sale


Then this guy named Jerry
he spent his Saturday nights in the sanctuary
drinking the communion wine
he’d pass out on the lawn
the early birds would find him at the break of dawn
they call it a continual decline


they say he looks a lot like the guy who played Jesus in the movies
They say he looks homeless
But when he was walking on water
I needed to be fed
When he passed out loaves & fishes
I was hanging by a thread
Yeah, I've got a soul for sale

Yeah sometimes I get tempted by the apples and the sin
I just want to see what kind of life that I could end up living


When you’re ready
I’ve got the shots to put you under
When your ready
The pain is slow & steady
When you’re ready
You’ll wake up to confetti
If you want a comeback story
First you gotta hit the bricks

[bootsydan]

This is so good. Loved every bit of it. Well done.

EDIT: Have you heard of a guy called Jamie T? If not, you should. This kinda reminded me of his style writing in places.

[h0merg0mez]

This is so good. Loved every bit of it. Well done.

EDIT: Have you heard of a guy called Jamie T? If not, you should. This kinda reminded me of his style writing in places.

Hey thanks - that means a lot man. I'll definitely check out Jamie T too.

[bootsydan]

Up.

C'mon someone else give this some love.

[TK]

It was okay.
I thought the last two lines were good.

[supadupa003]

I sorta kinda liked it...but to explain:

It's definitely good writing. It's a unique style, it's short, and it's fun. You go for specifics ('Jerry,' 'Saturday night,' etc) which I absolutely love because it's so much more personalized that way. However, the style itself, while I can admire it, is just not my style to read. Maybe I'm just too narrow-minded, but I think it's a bit of a polarizing style. It's definitely good in its own right. Hope that all makes sense.

[OveriseFan]

I actually really enjoyed this. A nice, refreshing style to read. As for the comparison to Jamie T - pretty accurate. I'd definitely give him a listen.

"
they say he looks a lot like the guy who played Jesus in the movies
They say he looks homeless
But when he was walking on water
I needed to be fed
When he passed out loaves & fishes
I was hanging by a thread
Yeah, I've got a soul for sale

Yeah sometimes I get tempted by the apples and the sin
I just want to see what kind of life that I could end up living"

That part is brilliant. Brilliant.