Vs.

[stendhal]

Spite and I thought to sever all ties
we formed a plan where the West caresses sky
for what it's worth, we strangle the earth
reaching our roots down, deep inside the dirt.

Mud falls from our lips
we savor every drip
crawling, inch by inch
wrought by vexing thoughts
and venomed intent

I attempt to rest under stars that taunt
spouting the blessing of where I am not
the mocking disturbs my sleep
until it's all I can think or breath
they and the earth must now be a team
and it's their turn to strangle me

Mud cracks on our lips
we savor the taste of the grit
slowing, inch by inch
stopped by crippling thoughts
of the end

I attempt to rest under a sky too hot
spewing the heat as I stagger then drop
refusing to be humbled and meek
until I cannot think or breath
he and my ego must now be a team
They've used their turn and outwitted me.

-------------------------------

a bit dark for my taste... thought i'd post it anyway.

[lew_1987]

I quite liked this. You manage to paint a picture and your choice of words at points is perfect. Well done.

[SuicideKing]

well done as usual, man... the last two lines of the first stanza are really nice

actually, it might be my favorite piece that i've read of yours... maybe you should write darker more often

[stendhal]

I quite liked this. You manage to paint a picture and your choice of words at points is perfect. Well done.


thank you, i tried to go for imagery that portrays a mood as opposed to tells a story... if that makes any sense.

thank you for reading... and your thoughts.

[stendhal]

well done as usual, man... the last two lines of the first stanza are really nice

actually, it might be my favorite piece that i've read of yours... maybe you should write darker more often


ha ha... I have to be in a very certain mood to write dark. If I'm too depressed it ends up looking like it was written by a child. This one worked out alright, i think, because it was more cynical than depressing.

thanks for reading, man... always appreciated.