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View Full Version : my girl (very original, i know)


schreixfurxdich
07/29/08, 09:44 PM
the lights went out for the last time last night
and for the first time she gave up the fight
try as she may she just couldn't hold on
and before he knew it her last breath had gone
his tears fell upon her now still chest
and while the world was at rest, he said:

just in case you were wondering,
i think about you every day
try as hard as i might i can't
push your memory away
just in case you happen to stop and think of me
remember all the times we shared
and who i used to be
i can't take back what i've said or done and if i could, i'd change the world
but in my heart you'll always be my girl

he sits alone in a one man cell and relives that day every night
he's cried, he's prayed, he tried so hard
but nothing can make it right
he made mistakes that can't be undone
he's just a hardened criminal to everyone
but when he cries every night his true self shows
and that's when the whole world knows his tale

just in case you were wondering,
i think about you every day
try as hard as i might i can't
push your memory away
just in case you happen to stop and think of me
remember all the times we shared
and who i used to be
i can't take back what i've said or done and if i could, i'd change the world
but in my heart you'll always be my girl

just in case you were wondering is whispered on the breeze,
the deadly silence fills the air with empty heartfelt pleas
his life is gone, his headstone gray, and music fills the air
a note lies on top of the grave, but no one's even there
and it says


just in case you were wondering,
i think about you every day
try as hard as i might i can't
push your memory awayjust in case you happen to stop and think of me
remember all the times we sharedand who i used to be
i can't take back what i've said or done and if i could, i'd change the world
but in my heart you'll always be my girl

it needs some work, i know, but tell me what you guys think please.
any feedback is good

The-Phantom
07/30/08, 09:17 AM
Oh my.
I like it.

"he sits alone in a one man cell and relives that day every night
he's cried, he's prayed, he tried so hard
but nothing can make it right
he made mistakes that can't be undone
he's just a hardened criminal to everyone"

I really like that part.
Over all, good song. I would download it.

popdisaster00
07/30/08, 09:35 AM
is it a song? my only advice is you don't have to rhyme...and if you drop the rhyming, you are free to write what you really want. not choosing a word that fits.

xidreamofyou32x
07/30/08, 10:22 AM
I do think that the rhyming and the chorus could use some work, but overall I like it. I really like these parts:

he sits alone in a one man cell and relives that day every night
he's cried, he's prayed, he tried so hard
but nothing can make it right
he made mistakes that can't be undone
he's just a hardened criminal to everyone


just in case you were wondering is whispered on the breeze,
the deadly silence fills the air with empty heartfelt pleas
his life is gone, his headstone gray, and music fills the air
a note lies on top of the grave, but no one's even there

schreixfurxdich
07/31/08, 09:30 AM
thanks u guys. i know i don't have to rhyme, but i just write and that's what happens.
at the moment i haven't added music to it, but i'm working on it. . . piano, guitar, or both