Kbm600
07/30/08, 12:56 PM
Miley Cyrus - Breakout
Record Label: Hollywood
Release Date: July, 22, 2008
Everyone and their grandmother knows about Disney's cash cow Miley Cyrus, and if you haven't... you're living under some kind of media-less rock. In case you might be, let me sum up Disney's princess:
Miley Cyrus is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, (un)known for his (useless) hit single "Achy Breaky Heart." She went on to try out for Disney show "Hannah Montana," eventually winning the role, starring as a character extension of herself, Miley Stewart, who had a "Super Rock Star Alter-Ego" known as Hannah Montana. Eventually, this all led up to our department stores being filled with her CD's as Miley Cyrus and/or Hannah Montana, our eight/seven/any-age-possible olds wearing clothing with her face on it.
But now it's time to see if there's absolutely anything to this craze that's sweeping our nation's children/obsessed pre-teens/perverted old men (yeah, I said it).
Cyrus' Breakout starts out with it's title track as you thought it might, cheesy synth and catchy instrumentals all around. The one thing that should immediately catch your ear is that her vocals don't really match the type of music she's trying to produce. It's almost like having a thirty-year-old sing a soundtrack for Kidz Bop. It's odd, unexpected, and not something you'd exactly want for a poppy record.
The next track is where I begin to hate myself. "7 Things" is catchy for someone like me who's enjoyed Avril Lavigne, and I've found myself enjoying the fast chorus where Cyrus spits out teenage insults at her apparent ex in the song. But the slowed-down country parts remind me why I've refused to listen to her thus far.
Cyrus does a fantastic job of creating a horrid rendition of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (originally sung by Cyndi Lauper), complete with wretched vocals and just an overall bad attempt at reinventing a classic (so to speak). Cyrus brings me back into her 'circle' again with "Full Circle," a catchy chorus that isn't so bad compared to her other tracks. With less of the country accent and more of her poppy feel, my foot had been tapping a tad on this one.
But as soon as I'm fooled into thinking Cyrus might actually have something mediocre as opposed to God-awful, "Fly On The Wall" starts out with Cyrus trying way too hard to become a little more mysterious and rock-ish with vocal effects and lyrics that are too admittedly terrible to not laugh at: "Don't you wish you could be / A fly on the wall / A creepy little / Sneaky fly / fly on the wall."
Breakout does not improve much from here: the trend of trying to pretend as though she's the next pop-rock teen idol shows on "Wake Up America" And "Simple Song." While Breakout ends on "Goodbye," you find yourself thankful that you can kiss the sweet lack of talentless country ballads consisting of cliché topics and annoying vocals in your ears a grateful goodbye.
At the end of the day, you can be rest assured that if you have never dove into the bubblegum pop of Miley Cyrus, you are missing nothing that you'd enjoy more than your latest root canal. A few enjoyable moments here and there do not make up for the extremely obvious absence of talent. I don't see Cyrus "Breaking Out" (STD's not included in this statement) with this album, or any other. No Miley... we will not (and hope not to) "See You Again."
Avril Lavigne, A*Teens, Britney Spear's ...Baby One More Time remixed with more country, earaches
myspace.com/mileycyrus (http://www.myspace.com/mileycyrus)
Record Label: Hollywood
Release Date: July, 22, 2008
Everyone and their grandmother knows about Disney's cash cow Miley Cyrus, and if you haven't... you're living under some kind of media-less rock. In case you might be, let me sum up Disney's princess:
Miley Cyrus is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, (un)known for his (useless) hit single "Achy Breaky Heart." She went on to try out for Disney show "Hannah Montana," eventually winning the role, starring as a character extension of herself, Miley Stewart, who had a "Super Rock Star Alter-Ego" known as Hannah Montana. Eventually, this all led up to our department stores being filled with her CD's as Miley Cyrus and/or Hannah Montana, our eight/seven/any-age-possible olds wearing clothing with her face on it.
But now it's time to see if there's absolutely anything to this craze that's sweeping our nation's children/obsessed pre-teens/perverted old men (yeah, I said it).
Cyrus' Breakout starts out with it's title track as you thought it might, cheesy synth and catchy instrumentals all around. The one thing that should immediately catch your ear is that her vocals don't really match the type of music she's trying to produce. It's almost like having a thirty-year-old sing a soundtrack for Kidz Bop. It's odd, unexpected, and not something you'd exactly want for a poppy record.
The next track is where I begin to hate myself. "7 Things" is catchy for someone like me who's enjoyed Avril Lavigne, and I've found myself enjoying the fast chorus where Cyrus spits out teenage insults at her apparent ex in the song. But the slowed-down country parts remind me why I've refused to listen to her thus far.
Cyrus does a fantastic job of creating a horrid rendition of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (originally sung by Cyndi Lauper), complete with wretched vocals and just an overall bad attempt at reinventing a classic (so to speak). Cyrus brings me back into her 'circle' again with "Full Circle," a catchy chorus that isn't so bad compared to her other tracks. With less of the country accent and more of her poppy feel, my foot had been tapping a tad on this one.
But as soon as I'm fooled into thinking Cyrus might actually have something mediocre as opposed to God-awful, "Fly On The Wall" starts out with Cyrus trying way too hard to become a little more mysterious and rock-ish with vocal effects and lyrics that are too admittedly terrible to not laugh at: "Don't you wish you could be / A fly on the wall / A creepy little / Sneaky fly / fly on the wall."
Breakout does not improve much from here: the trend of trying to pretend as though she's the next pop-rock teen idol shows on "Wake Up America" And "Simple Song." While Breakout ends on "Goodbye," you find yourself thankful that you can kiss the sweet lack of talentless country ballads consisting of cliché topics and annoying vocals in your ears a grateful goodbye.
At the end of the day, you can be rest assured that if you have never dove into the bubblegum pop of Miley Cyrus, you are missing nothing that you'd enjoy more than your latest root canal. A few enjoyable moments here and there do not make up for the extremely obvious absence of talent. I don't see Cyrus "Breaking Out" (STD's not included in this statement) with this album, or any other. No Miley... we will not (and hope not to) "See You Again."
Avril Lavigne, A*Teens, Britney Spear's ...Baby One More Time remixed with more country, earaches
myspace.com/mileycyrus (http://www.myspace.com/mileycyrus)