[no title yet] help me please?

[falling_star]

I usually don't write, but these phrases just spilled out. I want to organize it somehow but i don't know where to start. so if you guys could give me suggestions, that would be great. but please, be sensitive. thanks!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

the scent of your hair
so intoxicating
my skin tingles
at the touch of your eyelashes
you're smile is so genuine
i can almost hear it
your words sound so good
i would if i could
lock them up in a box
and keep them forever
i forget the world
at the sound of your voice
you have etched your name
in my hard wooden heart
and made it beat again

i'll miss you
every second of every day
i miss you already

the weeks in between our times spent
won't feel too long
as long as i don't count down the seconds
like i do now.. in the hours between
the seconds we cherish in eachother's presence

i can hardly keep my eyes off yours
my lips off yours
my hands off yours
my mind off you

believe me you
i will hold you
with my fingers intertwined
so there is no space for you to slip through
as life's never tastes so sweet
until today

i'll miss you
i miss you already
every second
of every hour
of every day
we're apart

[xKissMeDeadlyx]

i like it just how it is.

[falling_star]

thank you! anybody else have any suggestions for me? i already made some changes but not major ones. just words here and there. so im just going to leave this one up.

[TickleMeEmo]

I usually don't write, but these phrases just spilled out. I want to organize it somehow but i don't know where to start. so if you guys could give me suggestions, that would be great. but please, be sensitive. thanks!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

the scent of your hair
so intoxicating
my skin tingles
at the touch of your eyelashes
you're smile is so genuine
i can almost hear it
your words sound so good
i would if i could
lock them up in a box
and keep them forever
i forget the world
at the sound of your voice
you have etched your name
in my hard wooden heart
and made it beat again

i'll miss you
every second of every day
i miss you already

the weeks in between our times spent
won't feel too long
as long as i don't count down the seconds
like i do now.. in the hours between
the seconds we cherish in eachother's presence

i can hardly keep my eyes off yours
my lips off yours
my hands off yours
my mind off you

believe me you
i will hold you
with my fingers intertwined
so there is no space for you to slip through
as life's never tastes so sweet
until today

i'll miss you
i miss you already
every second
of every hour
of every day
we're apart

That's really good. Whenever I try to name something I've written I try to do it so the title isn't at all in the poem. So like if I had to name this poem I would probably name it "The Small Things That Make Missing You Even Harder" or something like that. I guess that's just how I am. I just put up a link on my own thread in this section with a bunch of poems I've written. check it out if you want.

http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=45213

[falling_star]

hey, thanks :-) i might use that title. but is this messy in anyway? like the structure.. should i reorganize it somehow? cuz i just started writing without really thinking.. so im thinking there's a lot for me to switch around and clean up? anybody?

[TickleMeEmo]

i don't believe a poem could ever really be messy. it's basically just explaining how you feel, if i have thoughts i'll write them down and be content with it. it's just how you feel and how you put what you feel into words. who cares if its messy? no one else has to understand it besides you. like i could write for a poem "As the whites poured in I turned my head/And I couldn't help but stare/I got out of my seat/To run up the ramp/Just to see that reaction on your face" And I could call that a poem and no one has to understand it but me. and it might not even make sense but it doesn't have to.

[falling_star]

thanks a lot :-)

[TickleMeEmo]

thanks a lot :-)
No Problem. I think i fixed the link up on my thread. let me know if it works. and if it doesn't tell me what it brings you to.