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Timma
08/08/08, 10:13 PM
Its just a chorus that i wrote, but if you hate it, dont worry, i'm not gonna write anymore to it.

I've been drinking since i saw you last
Went from my future straight to my past
You hit me like a train, left me on my ass
My ballot's filled, my votes been cast
And you're never gonna win a popularity crown
Because of my your hopes shot down
You took the easy ticket when you hit the ground
The greyhound bus straight outta town

OveriseFan
08/08/08, 11:00 PM
AAAABBBB is a very tough rhyme scheme, and sadly, your piece here is left disjointed because you're trying to fit into that mold rather than make something cohesive.

Try to use a simpler rhyme scheme if you want to rhyme, and work at getting better at it. Make it sound more "natural".

Also, don't write a chorus then say "I'm not gonna write anymore to it."! Have some confidence, and try to create a complete piece for us to read.