sigh

[FreshyFresh23]

i just need someplace to put my thoughts...

i have had a serious girlfriend for the past 7 months and have spent msot of my time with her and not my friends... and recently i got in an arguement with one of my friends and he started calling me out for being a bad friend

he siad we should be having fun and hangin with friends n i said it wont matter in 8 months and he printed out the AOL convo and showed it to all my friends and scool and they told me they all hate me and never wanna talk to me again and that i have no real friends anymore.. i dont know it just hurts really bad and its so stupid because i didnt do anything.... :(

[MaybeOneDay]

...You didn't do anything ? You yourself just clearly stated that you've spent most of your time with her and not your friends. How exactly does that not qualify as doing something ?

What you're saying is that you pretty much abandoned your friends who you've always stuck with for some girl who popped into your life 7 months ago ? If I was one of your friends i'd be pissed too. Admit it, you did do something wrong. If you really want those friends back, realize what you did, apologize, and start spending more time with them.

Hate to be blunt, but life is simple if you open your eyes.

[FreshyFresh23]

i dont know i just seemed to think friends should be supportive. I still spend some time with them just not like i used to. And its not like ive treated them any worse. It just seems to me that if they were really my friends theyd be there for me and not just all dump me like this i dont know, maybe youre right.

[MaybeOneDay]

To be honest, you dumped them first. Maybe you still hang out with them a bit, and maybe you still act the same way towards them you always did, but even if that's true and you still let this girl become a bigger part of your life than your friends are, I completely understand why they're pissed.

Regardless of how much this girl may mean to you, at this point in your life, it's not worth losing your friends over. Maybe your friends should support you a bit more, but you really do need to understand why they're angry. And by the sounds of it, they are your true friends, you're just on bad turf right now with them. They miss you, it's as simple as that.

Trust me, do what I said and take responsibility for your actions. I want you to apologize to all of your friends, and make it an honest, heartfelt apology, and promise you'll spend more time with them. That will make things better, and if they're still pissed after that, they aren't your true friends. It's really the only move you've got to make right now. So, just go for it.

[FreshyFresh23]

Hmm, thanks i like your advice; i think it's wise... however, the thing is i don't know if i can keep that promise. Me and my gf are great and everything but i am just insecure that if i dont spend the time with her then we'll fall apart.. i dont know.. i suppose if i really want them as my friends ill have to make the effort, its jsut hard.

i wish it was easier and simpler than this.

[im_random]

Hmm, thanks i like your advice; i think it's wise... however, the thing is i don't know if i can keep that promise. Me and my gf are great and everything but i am just insecure that if i dont spend the time with her then we'll fall apart.. i dont know.. i suppose if i really want them as my friends ill have to make the effort, its jsut hard.

i wish it was easier and simpler than this.

You don't have to completely stop spending time with her, just split the time between her and your friends more evenly.

[MaybeOneDay]

Exactly.

As long as you're spending equal time with her as you are with your friends, everyone will be happy and everything will work out fine. I know it's easier said than done, but if you're willing to put forth the effort, then it will work out.

[FreshyFresh23]

Exactly.

As long as you're spending equal time with her as you are with your friends, everyone will be happy and everything will work out fine. I know it's easier said than done, but if you're willing to put forth the effort, then it will work out.

I know you're right but...i dont know it almost seems as if im in a personal catch 22 because.. As much as i want them to be my friends and be there for me i cannot denyi enjoy spending time with my girlfriend much more and when i am with my friends i find myself wishing i was with her... i dont know.. I know i probably seem like an idiot but its just how i feel

[im_random]

I know you're right but...i dont know it almost seems as if im in a personal catch 22 because.. As much as i want them to be my friends and be there for me i cannot denyi enjoy spending time with my girlfriend much more and when i am with my friends i find myself wishing i was with her... i dont know.. I know i probably seem like an idiot but its just how i feel

Well that's understandable, but I honestly think that you feel you'd rather be spending time with her because it's what you're used to.

[MaybeOneDay]

That just goes to show how much you care for this girl. Which is a good thing in a relationship obviously. But hey, like we said, it's up to you. The choice is all yours. Spend your time with your girlfriend and risk losing your friends completely, or split the time down the middle and have both your friends and your girlfriend in your life, even though you'd rather be spending some of that time with your girlfriend when you're with your friends. I think we've given you all the advice we can, and from here on in, it's up to you. The choice is yours. I wish you the best.

[FreshyFresh23]

True.. thanks for all the advice both of you. I really appreciate it. I raelly just needed someone to talk to.

[im_random]

You're welcome :lol2:

Good luck with it!

[CROMagnon]

i'm going to be uncharacteristically insensitive, but it sounds to me like your friends are selfish asses who aren't trying to understand your position at all. if they threaten you by saying they're not going to hang out with you b/c you're spending time with your girlfriend, that's just ridiculous, inexcusable behavior

[MaybeOneDay]

i'm going to be uncharacteristically insensitive, but it sounds to me like your friends are selfish asses who aren't trying to understand your position at all. if they threaten you by saying they're not going to hang out with you b/c you're spending time with your girlfriend, that's just ridiculous, inexcusable behavior
What ? I don't see it that way at all. To each their own, but put yourself in one of his friends shoes for a moment. Say you've spent years hanging out with him, and you've always been tight; really good friends. All of a sudden a girl comes into his life, and you see most of his attention being focused on her, and you (the one whos always been there) has been left behind by him. How would you feel ?

Maybe it's just me, but his friends aren't guilty of anything in my books. Except for perhaps maybe not showing quite as much support as they could be doing. But, in my eyes, his friends have every right to be pissed. Maybe the threats were childish and not neccessary, but you can't blame them for being bad tempered about it.

[PunkDrums182]

Hmm, thanks i like your advice; i think it's wise... however, the thing is i don't know if i can keep that promise. Me and my gf are great and everything but i am just insecure that if i dont spend the time with her then we'll fall apart.. i dont know.. i suppose if i really want them as my friends ill have to make the effort, its jsut hard.

i wish it was easier and simpler than this.
Tell your g/f that your friends are jealous of her or something.. just say you need to spend a little more time with her, if you guys are in a good relationship she should understand.. unless.. you're wipped lol

[PunkDrums182]

this is a textbook saved by the bell episode.. they always work it out though.

[CROMagnon]

What ? I don't see it that way at all. To each their own, but put yourself in one of his friends shoes for a moment. Say you've spent years hanging out with him, and you've always been tight; really good friends. All of a sudden a girl comes into his life, and you see most of his attention being focused on her, and you (the one whos always been there) has been left behind by him. How would you feel ?

Maybe it's just me, but his friends aren't guilty of anything in my books. Except for perhaps maybe not showing quite as much support as they could be doing. But, in my eyes, his friends have every right to be pissed. Maybe the threats were childish and not neccessary, but you can't blame them for being bad tempered about it.
their actions are inexcusable, they fuckin printed out a private convo. just b/c they don't pay attention to/ have any girlfriends doesn't mean they should hold it against this dude that he does. real friends don't get uptight about a girl coming into the picture, they should have known that it's a possiblity, and having a girlfriend takes up time. the situation as he stated it shows that the friends aren't even looking to compromise, they're looking for an all or nothing deal, and that's not cool.

[richter915]

the same thing happened to me dude. But you're right...I know NONE of those guys who abandoned me anymore now that HS is over. I think you should definitely reconsider your priorities but also just see which is more "worth it" to you. My friend's couldn't accept that I was in a very nice relationship and that it required some sacrifice...and if they can't even understand that...they're whory friends anyway...fuck em.

[richter915]

their actions are inexcusable, they fuckin printed out a private convo. just b/c they don't pay attention to/ have any girlfriends doesn't mean they should hold it against this dude that he does. real friends don't get uptight about a girl coming into the picture, they should have known that it's a possiblity, and having a girlfriend takes up time. the situation as he stated it shows that the friends aren't even looking to compromise, they're looking for an all or nothing deal, and that's not cool.
EXACTLY!

[MaybeOneDay]

their actions are inexcusable, they fuckin printed out a private convo. just b/c they don't pay attention to/ have any girlfriends doesn't mean they should hold it against this dude that he does. real friends don't get uptight about a girl coming into the picture, they should have known that it's a possiblity, and having a girlfriend takes up time. the situation as he stated it shows that the friends aren't even looking to compromise, they're looking for an all or nothing deal, and that's not cool.
Apparently we have different views on this. But I still completely understand why his friends are pissed. Sure, maybe they shouldn't have printed out the convo, and maybe they shouldn't be quite so angry, but it seems to me like both sides are guilty in this situation. However, in my opinion, he is more guilty than his friends are. But, that's just me.

[catastrophe13]

couldn't you hang out with your friends and your girlfriend at the same time? or do they not get along or something.

[FreshyFresh23]

their actions are inexcusable, they fuckin printed out a private convo. just b/c they don't pay attention to/ have any girlfriends doesn't mean they should hold it against this dude that he does. real friends don't get uptight about a girl coming into the picture, they should have known that it's a possiblity, and having a girlfriend takes up time. the situation as he stated it shows that the friends aren't even looking to compromise, they're looking for an all or nothing deal, and that's not cool.

I really appreciate this post, i'm glad someone can relate to my side of it. Thanks bro.

[FreshyFresh23]

the same thing happened to me dude. But you're right...I know NONE of those guys who abandoned me anymore now that HS is over. I think you should definitely reconsider your priorities but also just see which is more "worth it" to you. My friend's couldn't accept that I was in a very nice relationship and that it required some sacrifice...and if they can't even understand that...they're whory friends anyway...fuck em.

Thanks man...youre right. Its funny cuz one of my friends who did it to me is named pete richter..