a new day.

[gabytwizz]

make me feel important
look at me for the first time
listen to what i have to say

there's so many things in this world
one of them is you
you're the only one that can make me feel this way

even if i haven't met you for real
i know there's something in your heart
because there's something in your eyes
that's calling me

i'd do anything for you
i'd finish school,i'd leave it for you
i'd rather be with you than be somewhere else
i'd make you happy for the rest of your life
if you'd make me happy just for once

i can see myself in a few years later,
i can see myself with you,having our lives together
but this is just your decision now

there's no hour that i don't think about you
you're in every minute of my life
you're in every piece of me

whatever it takes,
i'll let you know what i feel
you'll know what to do
before i'm gone,please
take me away with you...


well...this is one of many...
crappy "songs" i've written.

[lew_1987]

You have potential. Keep writing, and try and find something a bit more 'deep' to write about; something that you can give different perspectives on and describe different aspects to. In this piece you seemed to repeat yourself a bit. It won't come straight away, but don't worry.

[as_we_learn]

Go with Lew's advice, but I didn't see anything interesting or thought provoking in this piece, sorry. You do have potential though, you just need to find a different way of conveying your thoughts, rather than letting them out as the ramblings of a teenage girl, no offence, but that is how it seems.

EDIT:If you think it's crappy already then, it most likely is crappy. Also, don't post it because we don't need crappy poetry in the forum, so please post things that you feel are good enough to post.