eek. rough.

[cityfastasleep]

on the spur of the moment,
it's like the past,
and your voice is the most beautiful thing
I've heard in my thousand past dreams,
but it's the inescapable,
the unchallengeable now,
and the ghosts keep coming up,
through the floor boards of your nostalgic words,
I've waited up far too long
too much time I've wasted waiting,
the air conditioner finally died,
and the stale air causes my stale stare
to water and blink,
sticky notes litter my house
reminding me there's too much,
to much to do before we learn to love
and die.





I need a better ending I know.

[lew_1987]

The ending definitely needs changing, as you said. I thought the ending was worth working on, but in the second half it seemed to get a bit nonsensical. If you got rid of some of the second half, and reworked this, it could be good.

[cityfastasleep]

alright.
I'll keep trying things.

[brandnew=love]

I like it, it's really deep :D
I personally think if you just come up with a stronger ending (like you had stated) it'll be even better, but it's great.

[cityfastasleep]

thank you.
:D

[brandnew=love]

why you're very welcome ma'am.
I'd love to see it when you touch it up...
(: