it needs lots of work but...

[brandnew=love]

It's sad to think that there's no guarantees in anything
Until you're walking down the aisle with a huge golden ring
But then you look to the choir and while you've known all along
That life's not as easy as a simple church song

Three months later you find out he's not the man you thought he was
You find that he's sleeping with your best friend, and probably your cous…
And you find yourself crying until you fall asleep,
With no one else in your bed, you're feelin' free to weep…
Thinking of times when life wasn't a haze
Simpler times and simpler days…





any feedback?

[cityfastasleep]

it's sad and good but it does really grab me.

[brandnew=love]

it's sad and good but it does really grab me.
Thanks(: Glad to see you liked it.

[emptycriminal]

"huge" golden ring
sounds exaggerated in a way?

the line about the church song is clever

"and while you've known all along"
for flow/sense cancel the and OR while...imo.

I'm not a fan of the last lines where with the forced rhymes..
I'd suggest substituting "weep"
as well as the line that cuts off about cousins i'm presuming.

First half is solid and i can see if getting better!
Maybe work on the second portion?

[bootsydan]

There is some potential in this.

It's sad to think that there's no guarantees in anything
Until you're walking down the aisle with a huge golden ring

I like the idea behind this, but don't like the execution. The way you've worded it, you make it sound like once you get married, everything is guaranteed. Which is false. But I like the idea in this that marriage can be a false way of you thinking to yourself that everything will be easy from there on after.

But then you look to the choir and while you've known all along
That life's not as easy as a simple church song

This is the kind of thing that I read once and went 'oh that's clever' and then re-read it and decided it just sounded clever, but wasn't really. Cause I can't remember anyone ever thinking life was as easy as a simple church song. Or comparing life to a church song full stop. Church songs exist to create mood on the day of marriage, not to make any statements about life. But in your lyrics you make it sound like they do exist for life statements. So in my mind thats kind of a fallacy in your lyrics. But there is potential in lines like that.


Three months later you find out he's not the man you thought he was
You find that he's sleeping with your best friend, and probably your cous…
And you find yourself crying until you fall asleep,
With no one else in your bed, you're feelin' free to weep…

Don't like 'and probably your cous'. Also these lyrics arn't true to every relationship, but I can't decide if that is a problem or not. I think it is in terms that its a very negative way to look at marriage. Very one sided.
Not bad though.


Thinking of times when life wasn't a haze
Simpler times and simpler days…

Again, on first read I thought it was a good end. But then I thought - no, we have lots of struggles before we get married. Those times are not necessarily 'simple'. But then I was thinking you could just add one more line after this saying 'Was life ever simple?' or something.

Anyway, potential in this.

[eddee]

Its quite depressing.
but i will be honest.
I liked the church song line
its kind of a song people wouldnt want to listen to because its sooo depressing but i did like it.
i think with some music this could have a heart.