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View Full Version : second try(not the song tittle)

jster2000
08/20/08, 08:47 PM
okay
here's another song
that it be cool to get feedback on

Skating down the street
Dumpster diving
Looking for a board
Our lives aren’t thriving
Rating girls
1-10
Your mom’s a nine
I remember when
(I remember when)
I remember when
(I remember when)
We’d stare downs gir’ls shirts
and Eventually get slapped
(I remember when)
We’d trip preppy boy toys
and run real fast
Running down the alley
Thinking of a chorus
Laughing real loud
Of the accident before us
No one adores us
Exept for us
I remember when
(I remember when)
I remember when
(I remember when)
We’d stare downs gir’ls shirts
and Eventually get slapped
I remember when
We’d trip preppy boy toys
and run real fast
She said she said
That I’m too immature
She said she said
That I’m too immature for her
Who cares I like being a kid
Who’s older
Me or my little sister
Who’s older
Me or my baby brother
They’re more mature than me
And I could care less
(I remember when)
I remember when
(I remember when)
We’d stare downs gir’ls shirts
and Eventually get slapped
(I remember when)
We’d trip preppy boy toys
and run real fast
We’d run real fast
(I remember when)
We’d fall and get some cuts
(I remember when)
We’d slap girl’s buts
and run real fast
(and run real fast)
I remember when
(and run real fast)
run real fast
(run real fast)
I remember when
we’d run real fast
OveriseFan
08/20/08, 09:15 PM
I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my miiiiiiiiiiiiiind!
jster2000
08/21/08, 11:49 AM
hilarious :P
IfwinterBegins
08/21/08, 07:37 PM
All I can say is. "F" Yea for dumpster diving. This gave me an honest laugh, in a good way.
OveriseFan
08/23/08, 01:28 PM
hilarious :P

Well, I got to that point, decided the song was going nowhere, but it did make me think of a song I enjoy (when you got to the "I remember".) so I figured I'd post about that.

I have no advice for this, because it's just bad... I don't know what you're thinking. What music do you listen to?
jster2000
08/23/08, 04:55 PM
Well, I got to that point, decided the song was going nowhere, but it did make me think of a song I enjoy (when you got to the "I remember".) so I figured I'd post about that.

I have no advice for this, because it's just bad... I don't know what you're thinking. What music do you listen to?

haha
i understand that
but just go to my profile to see what i listen to
but my friend who doesn't have an account want me to post it
im gonna post one of mine tonight or something
but i do agree that i rememer when is overused
and my friend will
listens to ALOT of blink 182
bootsydan
08/23/08, 05:26 PM
listens to ALOT of blink 182

Shock!
jster2000
08/23/08, 06:37 PM
yeah the influence is extremely obvious
me and my friend wiley (wileythekid)
said that but
he didn't say it was based off their stuff
anamericangod
08/23/08, 06:39 PM
This is absolutely horrible.
jster2000
08/23/08, 07:08 PM
well
atleast i can say im not surprised about the critiscm
ideas on what needs improving?
anamericangod
08/23/08, 07:20 PM
Subject matter, word choice, structure.
jster2000
08/23/08, 07:35 PM
agree,agree,agree

i like some bits in it though