Hide Me From The Fears

[RedHat]

New to the forum, so I decided to post a song I wrote a while ago.
Tell me what you think about it. Any opinions/thoughts are appreciated.

//RedHat

[RedHat]

Nobody with any feedback related to this?
If it is because I attached the text then here you go:

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ .~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Hide Me From The Fears

Remembering that time
When my life seemed balanced
Seems so far away
Living a reality in my current life
I wish I could’ve stayed

Can’t you see I’m in pain?
I don’t want to suffer no more
Please, make it go away
Show the pain the exit door

Chorus:
Hide me from the fears
I can’t take it anymore
All I see are my tears
Becoming a lake on my floor

These unknown feelings
Presenting themselves to me
I let them enter my life
Now I want them out of me

Chorus:
Hide me from the fears
I can’t take it anymore
All I see are my tears
Becoming a lake on my floor

Can’t I get any support?
Where is that friendly shoulder?
I don’t want no shrinks report
All I want is hope

Let me be! Please just let me be!
Can’t you see? The fears are killing me!

[its all good 05]

you forced some of your rhymes. like in the chorus and stuff. dont worry about that as much as making the lines good. and you just repeat stuff about pain and all that, try to make it more indepth, use metaphors or something like that. not bad or anything tho. keep on writing. later.

[Carbanna]

you forced some of your rhymes. like in the chorus and stuff. dont worry about that as much as making the lines good. and you just repeat stuff about pain and all that, try to make it more indepth, use metaphors or something like that. not bad or anything tho. keep on writing. later.

I totally agree. The whole "I am in so much pain" thing gets old fast, especially because you don't really express it in interesting ways. It was alright though...

[kimosabe]

You Suck!!!!110101010001010101010000101 0101010

[as night falls]

You Suck!!!!110101010001010101010000101 0101010

That is soo wrong!