A Weekend Vacation

[TK]

The weather hid our warmth,
But we found it...in each other's hands
And like a child newly born,
We took life by the lungs, and breathed it in

But the air was a shock,
And to my surprise...I missed the cold
"You've got to deal with what you've got"
This is one thing that I know, that I know, that I know

So I left it all in the cupboards,
Dressers, and the cabinets below the kitchen sink
Grabbed my keys, and headed northward
Towards Kansas City and a family that's waiting for me

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

[bootsydan]

Am I always the first one to reply to your stuff? It feels that way...

I'm not stalking you. I promise. It's all a coincidence.

Ok. The lyrics...

The weather hid our warmth,
But we found it...in each other's hands
And like a child newly born,
We took life by the lungs, and breathed it in

I particularly like the last line. And I think it's probably just my personal taste that doesn't like the first 3, as opposed to being written badly.

But the air was a shock,
And to my surprise...I missed the cold
"You've got to deal with what you've got"
This is one thing that I know, that I know, that I know

Love that last two lines. Especially the third line. How it fits in with that verse I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Maybe my personal taste just has a soft spot for cool, ambiguous quoted lines.

So I left it all in the cupboards,
Dressers, and the cabinets below the kitchen sink
Grabbed my keys, and headed northward
Towards Kansas City and a family that's waiting for me

This is pretty good. Except I think the second line adds nothing

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Nice ending.

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

See above.

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Didn't like this one.

Joking.


All in all pretty good. Had a good vibe to it.

[TK]

Am I always the first one to reply to your stuff? It feels that way...

I'm not stalking you. I promise. It's all a coincidence.

Ok. The lyrics...

The weather hid our warmth,
But we found it...in each other's hands
And like a child newly born,
We took life by the lungs, and breathed it in

I particularly like the last line. And I think it's probably just my personal taste that doesn't like the first 3, as opposed to being written badly.

But the air was a shock,
And to my surprise...I missed the cold
"You've got to deal with what you've got"
This is one thing that I know, that I know, that I know

Love that last two lines. Especially the third line. How it fits in with that verse I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Maybe my personal taste just has a soft spot for cool, ambiguous quoted lines.

So I left it all in the cupboards,
Dressers, and the cabinets below the kitchen sink
Grabbed my keys, and headed northward
Towards Kansas City and a family that's waiting for me

This is pretty good. Except I think the second line adds nothing

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Nice ending.

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

See above.

Window's down,
Music up
I'm leaving town,
I've had enough

Didn't like this one.

Joking.


All in all pretty good. Had a good vibe to it.

Ha, you're not always the first person. You're generally in the first three though. But, if I didn't see you comment something of mine, I would think it was so bad you didn't want to waste your time, ha.

And the line was supposed to fit in like, I chose it(the warmth), so I've got to work with what I have. And the second line in the third stanza wasn't meant to add anything, just help continue the flow.

But I'm glad you liked it, this was something I genuinely enjoyed when I was writing it. Thanks for the feedback Tim.

[OveriseFan]

I totally left a comment on this this morning... :-(

I'll do it again later, but I'm too tired tonight. It won't be comprehensible at all. Haha.

[bootsydan]

But, if I didn't see you comment something of mine, I would think it was so bad you didn't want to waste your time, ha.

Haha man you guys know me too well. I usually only comment on things these days that are good and/or by a regular forum member. Which equals not much.

[TK]

I totally left a comment on this this morning... :-(

I'll do it again later, but I'm too tired tonight. It won't be comprehensible at all. Haha.

Ha, AP's done that to me before.
And okay, I'm looking forward to it.

[TK]

Bump

[bigblue2015]

I think it's good and I liked the repetition of "that I know" in the last line of the second verse. It flows nicely and the repeating chorus at the end gives it a sort of closure that ties it up nicely but still leaves it open-ended.

[lew_1987]

I liked the way this was written man. I think that it could do with something more... I feel like it ends too soon (that's a good sign, because I wanted to read more). I don't think there's enough build to the repetition at the end.

[TK]

Haha man you guys know me too well. I usually only comment on things these days that are good and/or by a regular forum member. Which equals not much.

Too be honest, I was expecting you not to like this. I thought it be too simple.
Your critique seemed so unlike you, ha.


I think it's good and I liked the repetition of "that I know" in the last line of the second verse. It flows nicely and the repeating chorus at the end gives it a sort of closure that ties it up nicely but still leaves it open-ended.

Thanks man.

I liked the way this was written man. I think that it could do with something more... I feel like it ends too soon (that's a good sign, because I wanted to read more). I don't think there's enough build to the repetition at the end.

I wanted to add more to it, but I think I wrote everything that needed to be said. I think this is the first complete thing I've written. So I doubt there will be anything added to this. But I'm glad you liked this. And as for the repetition, I can understand that. I think if it's ever put into song format, it will be okay though.

Thanks for the commenting Lew.

[bootsydan]

Too be honest, I was expecting you not to like this. I thought it be too simple.
Your critique seemed so unlike you, ha.

I like a lot of 'simple' music. In my mind things don't have to be complex to be good. Prime example, See: Blink 182. But then notice how many Blink 182 copycats there are out there that suck? So it's not about whether the music is complex. Just about how well it is executed. Same in my mind, with lyrics. Simple lyrics are often the best way to get across a certain kind of mood or feeling or whatever.

Oh, and not to say your lyrics reminded me of Blink 182 in any way. They were just an example I used.

[lew_1987]

I wanted to add more to it, but I think I wrote everything that needed to be said. I think this is the first complete thing I've written. So I doubt there will be anything added to this. But I'm glad you liked this. And as for the repetition, I can understand that. I think if it's ever put into song format, it will be okay though.

Thanks for the commenting Lew.

Yeah, it would probably work in a song if you had an instrumental section which built up to the outro or something.