I need advice

[Lueda Alia]

Alright... I hope this doesn't sound too stupid or anything.. and if you're just going to make fun of me or whatever.. then seriously save it.


Well... to make a long story short, I'm very very close to my mom. She's like my best friend.. and she has always treated me like one too. She's never treated me like a "kid". I've always had so much freedom, which I've never abused, and I've also had everything I've ever wanted even though it's been hard to provide everything to me, seeing as she's always been a single parent. And because of everything she's been through, she's my hero and I love her more than anything in this world.

Now here's the problem: because of my closeness with her.. I always feel so guilty when I have fun on my own. Like with my friends. Because I just feel so selfish.. when I think of her being home alone while I'm having so much fun. I know it may sound very weird but it's the truth.. because I love her so much, I just hate having fun without her [she feels the same way too about me]. And well.. I can't say that in the past I've had any real relationship with a guy.. but now I'm 17.. and I know that it won't be forever like it has been in the past, but... I'm always so scared to even have a serious relationship. And I'm not talking about wow-I'm-gonna-get-married... type of relationship.. but just a real relationship that lasts more than like, a week or two, you know? I'm scared of having that kind of relationship because I feel like I'm going to leave my mom behind... by spending a lot of time with the guy I'm dating. And I know she wants me to be happy, she's said that - because when I'm happy, she is too, but it's just so hard to think of my own happiness only. And sometimes I've honestly thought of just giving up on my happiness and dedicate my life to her like she did to me. Never get married or anything... but I don't know.. and I'm just so confused.. and I guess I just need to hear some opinions from people who aren't in this type of situation cause it's usually easier to give someone advice when you're an outsider...

[Bishop]

Just because your going out and having fun doesn't mean that your a horrible daughter, just spend time with her to. And the same thing goes with a boyfriend. Hell even when I was dating my g/f I still spent more time doing stuff with my family than with her.

Neither of you should feel guilty for enjoying your life without each other, just as long as you don't neglect your mom.

[trustmeimokay]

well i can totally relate to u, i can never fully have fun if i know someone im close to isnt, so ur not alone with those feelings

i know, that doesnt help,sry

[13th hour]

Eda, when you find someone that you want to long term date, just tell them from the beginning that your mom is really important to you, and you spend alot of time with her.

Youre pretty fuckin rad, so I bet your mom is pretty cool too.

I say dont worry about it until the time comes, and when it does, Im sure that youll be able to find a way to balance out both parts of your life.

[13th hour]

Eda, one more thing.

I just looked at your profile again and GODDAMN. You are so much hotter than I remember from the other pictures Ive seen. (Not to mention how nice you are, that you like good music, and that youre just plain cool.)

Umm, yea, so I say that, you, your mom and me all go to a movie or something the next time in canada.

[kimosabe]

hey, ive been thinking about your situation abit and want to give you my advice but i guess its more like general thought about your situation. I cant completely identify, but i have had thoughts like that. Your mother wants you to be happy, that should be an important factor and she probly wouldnt want you to be total 'stay at home' but at the same time, it seems like you are very close. I know this sounds kooky, but what about if you find someone for her? like through an internett dating service or something? ( i mean that seriously, not as a joke) if you both have someone it will be easyer. Or finding an activety for her, maybe a hobby? preferably something that gets her out of the house like a training or something where she could get friends? if she has other close friends she can still have fun without you, and you can do the same. And even if she doesnt you can find a boyfriend that would accept your closeness with your mother. I know that can seem freaky, but i know ive had GFs where we would just sit at home on saturdays watching telly at home with her family. It seems like family is really important to you and i definetly see that as a good quality and you seem like a caring person, you shouldn't have problems getting a boyfriend. I hope everything works out for you!

[_astheruinfalls]

I know how you feel. My mom was a single parent for a very good part of my life, and we have the same kind of relationship. You just have to remember that you have your own life outside of your mother. And as much as you love her and as close as you too are, you are still mother and daughter. She has certain things that she has to do as a mother, and you have obligations to friends because you are still a "kid." It may be weird, but you just have to let things happen. Don't try and take away from your happiness because you are second guessing yourself. And like kimosabe said, make sure a guy can accept how close you are with your mother. Make sure that he respects that. The worst thing would to have a guy that didn't even care, because that would hurt your relationship with your mom more than anything. But also, don't hold yourself back. Just because you feel bad doesn't mean you should stop your happiness. Your mom gave you life to live and be happy, not to stay home with her.

[FallenFaerie013]

Yeah that does sound a little wierd but I think you should have a relationship. You should talk to your mom and tell her that you'll always be there for her no matter what and maybe you shoudl even spend some time away from her so you can know what's it's like to be on your own have fun and live your life. There's some times where you have to live by yourself and she'll always be there for you so you should enjoy your time together but also try and get away and be more independent.

[mondeoman]

I'll concur with what everyone already said.
And you're mom should be happy that you are happy, that is what being a parent is all about (not that I know from experience). But your guy should definetely understand this.
And how have you not had a bf before?? You're beautiful, smart and kind.

[FallingOut]

You just have to realize that while you do love your mom that much, its not a bad thing to have fun with other people. Its ok to sometimes not be with her, it doesnt mean you are neglecting her or love her any less.

[sweethypocrisy]

Eda, one more thing.

I just looked at your profile again and GODDAMN. You are so much hotter than I remember from the other pictures Ive seen. (Not to mention how nice you are, that you like good music, and that youre just plain cool.)

Umm, yea, so I say that, you, your mom and me all go to a movie or something the next time in canada.
dude. eda has got to be one of, if not the, hottest members on here.

[mirtizzle]

think of it this way: she was young once, and she understands that you have friends and are interested in guys because she was probably the same way... you sound like you have a really good relationship with your mom, so i don't think anything like having a boyfriend would ever endanger that.
plus.. the longer you attach yourself to her, the harder it will be to move on when you're older... you can't live with her forever, and you can't give up everything because you're worried about someone else.

[commatosa]

Alright... I hope this doesn't sound too stupid or anything.. and if you're just going to make fun of me or whatever.. then seriously save it.


Well... to make a long story short, I'm very very close to my mom. She's like my best friend.. and she has always treated me like one too. She's never treated me like a "kid". I've always had so much freedom, which I've never abused, and I've also had everything I've ever wanted even though it's been hard to provide everything to me, seeing as she's always been a single parent. And because of everything she's been through, she's my hero and I love her more than anything in this world.

Now here's the problem: because of my closeness with her.. I always feel so guilty when I have fun on my own. Like with my friends. Because I just feel so selfish.. when I think of her being home alone while I'm having so much fun. I know it may sound very weird but it's the truth.. because I love her so much, I just hate having fun without her [she feels the same way too about me]. And well.. I can't say that in the past I've had any real relationship with a guy.. but now I'm 17.. and I know that it won't be forever like it has been in the past, but... I'm always so scared to even have a serious relationship. And I'm not talking about wow-I'm-gonna-get-married... type of relationship.. but just a real relationship that lasts more than like, a week or two, you know? I'm scared of having that kind of relationship because I feel like I'm going to leave my mom behind... by spending a lot of time with the guy I'm dating. And I know she wants me to be happy, she's said that - because when I'm happy, she is too, but it's just so hard to think of my own happiness only. And sometimes I've honestly thought of just giving up on my happiness and dedicate my life to her like she did to me. Never get married or anything... but I don't know.. and I'm just so confused.. and I guess I just need to hear some opinions from people who aren't in this type of situation cause it's usually easier to give someone advice when you're an outsider...

Okay, for one, I always thought you were a dude. I just now figured out that you are a chick, that's wierd. Anyway, I used to live with my dad and I would feel the same way but it wasn't until I moved out that he started dating. Your mom is there for you right now because she WANTS nothing more than to provide for you. You're number one in her life and she's not going to preoccupy herself with a relationship. Once you move out though, she'll understand that you don't have to rely on her anymore and she'll be able to live out her life to the fullest. And you guys can still have that relationship. But you shouldn't feel guilty cause I'm sure your mom would like nothing more than for you to be having fun.

[richter915]

Eda, when you find someone that you want to long term date, just tell them from the beginning that your mom is really important to you, and you spend alot of time with her.

Youre pretty fuckin rad, so I bet your mom is pretty cool too.

I say dont worry about it until the time comes, and when it does, Im sure that youll be able to find a way to balance out both parts of your life.
agreed.

[MuEmpires]

As my mom being a single mom herself, I know how you feel. But me and my mom never got along that great, but I still loved the women. So I did feel guilty going out and leaving her at home. Thats why it was hard to move out.

I still take my mom out to dinner 1 time a week and we see a movie and whatnot.

All I am saying is hang out with your mom during the day, take her dinner and whatnot.

[still]

Man eda, I know where you're coming from. I won't go out places with my dad if my mom doesn't come. I don't really have advice..I say you just split your time. I mean I'm sure you're not with your mom all the time, so the time you're usually not with her spend with your boyfriend...

[Lets Deja Vu]

I mean you wont be with your B/f 24/7.

[kimosabe]

Is it just me or does MorningStar seem kind of ungratefull?? so many people have come with advice, not one single joke or person making fun of her yet she still hasn't replyed here? I spent a long time thinking about your problem, the least you can give me is a "thx" or whatever...

[richter915]

Is it just me or does MorningStar seem kind of ungratefull?? so many people have come with advice, not one single joke or person making fun of her yet she still hasn't replyed here? I spent a long time thinking about your problem, the least you can give me is a "thx" or whatever...
and by asking that...you make yourself look extremely self-centered and just wanting to do things to receive a thanks.

she's a great person and honestly if she doesn't go thanking the world...it doesn't matter...as long as she's read the responses and given it some thought.

[gmc14]

Makes me kind of glad I don't like my family, less to worry about, no stress. I basically just live in my room, some may say that that's pathetic, that the only time I leave my room is to get my dinner then I come back to my room to eat it. I only talk to my parents when I need money or a ride somewhere (I'm lazy and still haven't got my full license yet). But I don't have to deal with people I don't like (my parents), and I don't have to worry about not spending time with them (because I don't want to, and don't really care too much about hurting their feelings because I'm leaving home soon enough). Am I an asshole? Perhaps... everyone has their own shit to deal with tho, meet my mother, then talk. *shrugs*

[Lueda Alia]

Is it just me or does MorningStar seem kind of ungratefull?? so many people have come with advice, not one single joke or person making fun of her yet she still hasn't replyed here? I spent a long time thinking about your problem, the least you can give me is a "thx" or whatever...


I am thankful. I've just not really had the time to start replying to everyone who took the time to give me advice. And I would feel like a bitch if I were to thank only certain people who posted here.

Anyhoo.... I'll be back with my replies.

[Lueda Alia]

okaaaay. I read all of the replies again... and you guys all pretty much said the same thing. and no, that's not a bad thing. it's just something I noticed, and it's been making me think. all the advice you've given me has been in my head ever since I started this topic. and I guess it was sort of rude not to reply right away but oh well, as I said above, I'm really thankful for all of your advice, cause it made me feel better & it just meant a lot. <3

now, I do understand where all of you are coming from. but see, it's not easy to just live my life, because well first off, my mom works till 6 ever day, and sometimes till 8 even, so I don't see her all day. and she does have friends, but not many because we moved here only 3 years ago. and we have no relatives here either at the moment, so yeah, that makes it harder to just go have fun on my own. lately I've been doing more than I usually do, and I feel so guilty just leaving her alone here when I go out & have fun. especially since she's the one working and I'm using her money too. not that she minds or anything, but I do. and I guess you could say, "well don't use her money"... but it's not that, and I never spend much anyway, just once in a while but still, you know?

oh well I'm working on this slowly I guess. And to whoever asked [I think it was Eric].. why have I not had a boyfriend? Umm hmm well I don't know really. sometimes I just don't think I'm girlfriend material I guess, so when guys like me I ask them all the time why the hell they do cause I don't think I'm anything special or whatever... and I just don't see why anyone would like me. I guess I'm nice & sweet.. but usually guys don't go for girls like me. at least I don't think so.... and yeah when they tell me they like me, I push them away. a lot of the ones who have liked me have not been my type anyway. all of them wanted only one thing.. which of course I was not offering. and the ones I like.. lol well they're usually too shy ... and I'd never take the first step.. so meh. I don't understand why everyone just expects me to have a boyfriend though =|

it's weird though, cause i met this guy after i started this thread, and i'm kinda seeing him but it's all too weird...... *shrug*.

[13th hour]

Youve surely kissed someone though right?

[Lueda Alia]

lol yeah i have. just not really had a real relationship.