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bootsydan
08/23/08, 05:55 PM
This is a song I've been working on. I wrote the lyrics while at work the other day. There is too much atm to fit the song, so I'd really appreciate you guys telling me the bits you like the best so I can cut out the rubbish. Thanks.

...

The night was young
The city lights shone over the bridge
And we had another
And we had another til the sun came up, and our wallets were out
And the governments trying
The governments trying to put a stop to all this, cause it’s no way to live
We’re just paying the price
Just ten dollars entry for an interesting night, an interesting night
An interesting night, an interesting night
Oh

We drove into town
We drove into town with dust on the dash
And I don’t know
I guess I just like it when friends are around, when our voices are loud
I was never much good
I was never much good at talking to people, but I found a way
Yeah there’s life skills we miss
But there’s a life that we miss if we’re down on ourselves, so I’ll be all right
I’ll be all right, I’ll be all right
I’ll be all right

And I’ll go to work
I’ll sell some drinks to make a wage for myself
And I’m talking to friends
I’m talking to friends about moving out
I get home each day
And I talk to my parents but I’ve got nothing to say
And I’m staying up nights
I’m staying up nights and watching some films
It’s all that we have
It’s all that we have and it is all we could need
Cause we don’t believe
No we don’t believe in anything, no not in anything
No not in anything

Do you remember that night?
Do you remember that night that I drove you home? Your boyfriend cheated on you
And I tried not to show
I tried not to show that I’d been waiting for this, for a year or so now
But it wasn’t too long
No no it wasn’t too long til you got back with him, and things were running ok
And now I try not to show
I keep it under control that I’m a little sad, and one day you’ll get married
But that’s OK, I’m happy for you
I’m happy

And I’m sure
I’m sure I fall in love almost every single day, but I don’t know what that means
And I looked in her eyes
And it was almost enough to believe in love, to believe in love
To believe in love, to believe in love
Oh

But when I look back
When I see where I’ve been I think I’ve come a long way, but I’ve been no where
And when I look out my window
I think if only people knew where I came from, maybe they’d understand
But sometimes all that you need
Is just a little something for things to work themselves out, to work themselves out
To work themselves out, to work themselves out
Oh

We’ve come that far
We’ve come that far and we can see it through
And in the morning we’ll wake
And we’ll find a hangover sleeping on the couch, and we’ll just laugh about
And we’ll find all the jokes
We’ll find all the jokes in the nights tragedies, and it’s all we can do
And it’s all we can do
And it’s all we can do til the next week comes, where we’ll do the same
Where we’ll do the same, where we’ll do the same
Oh who invented Sundays?

TK
08/24/08, 05:22 PM
I only liked the last stanza, all of the rest was just boring and uninteresting. It seems as if you were telling someone about an evening, and then just hit the space bar and repeated some lines. You don't write much, but the stuff I have read from you is much better than this. You can do much better than this.

bootsydan
08/25/08, 07:03 PM
I only liked the last stanza, all of the rest was just boring and uninteresting. It seems as if you were telling someone about an evening, and then just hit the space bar and repeated some lines. You don't write much, but the stuff I have read from you is much better than this. You can do much better than this.

Thanks for commenting.

I know there is quite a bit of rubbish in there, which is the main reason I posted it in here - just to see which bits people thought were the worst.

as_we_learn
08/30/08, 10:19 AM
Sorry for responding so late, please don't take it as offense. I'm going to agree with TK, The repetitive lines made me not really get into it. At first I liked them but I felt like they were being overused and made it a bit trite to be honest sorry. There aren't many lines that blow me away or anything, but I liked it (except for the repititions). All in all good work man.

bootsydan
08/30/08, 10:54 PM
Sorry for responding so late, please don't take it as offense. I'm going to agree with TK, The repetitive lines made me not really get into it. At first I liked them but I felt like they were being overused and made it a bit trite to be honest sorry. There aren't many lines that blow me away or anything, but I liked it (except for the repititions). All in all good work man.

Ahhh ok. See the repetitions really suit the song, but I guess they don't really get what I was going for properly just as words on a page. I might post the song in a couple of days when I have time.

Thanks for feedback man