Lost On Locked Doors

[CTMarshall]

Lost On Locked Doors

My bed hasn’t moved in years
And I haven’t slept in days
I won’t go near
It stays away
It’s all the same to me
The floor, the quilt, the paneling
It’s all I’ve known
It’s all I’ve seen
And nobody said I was trapped
I’m just tired of feeling lost
I’ll crawl around until the day turns dark.

I am a hollow church
The spirit is here
But the message is lost on locked doors
And I am a hollow church
The song is still playing
But its only just delaying the end…

tell me what you think. Pretty please!!

[emptycriminal]

But the message is lost on locked doors

I like this line saying how it's "lost"

The word crawl always makes me think of animals... not people, crawling isn't something people regularly do/should do.. lol. j/k.. perhaps another word for movement?

the word "delaying" rhymes and keeps the flow but it sounds too scholarly or technical of a word for the content..

That's my piece..

Jay

[CTMarshall]

Thankyou! I was thinking about changing "crawl", but we'll see.

[Seina]

Wow, just wow. lol. I just love it. It hits me hard for some reason...

Anyway, its really great.