new lyrics, critique please

[beleriand]

I
Appear
On a hillside
In a strange dream

I
Can feel
It moving under
Underneath me

The
Skies
Light me
Where I’m hiding

I
Run
And they follow
Right beside me

And I wont
Look back
I wont open my eyes
And I
Can’t see
I can’t even try

I look
Around
But I only
Hear it breathing

And all
That I’ve found
Leaves
Me

And beneath
The ground
It rises
To reach me

I close My eyes
And fly away
From here
But I know
That it is still
Quite near

-bridge- (instrumental)

I want you to see
Please let me leave (repeat)

[West49ur]

these are lyrics? reminds me more of a poem.
but maybe i am readin them wrong

[beleriand]

it works like a poem but it's put to some music. it's just as much part of the song as the music, which i can't really post here.

[xTHE WEAKESTx]

It does seem kind of like a poem.
Decent, but its kinda hard to tell how good it is unless you actually hear it.
Let us know when you record it or something, ehh?

[deathbatgurl]

i love this. it's so creative. i think it can work as a poam or a song.

[beleriand]

thanks, i'm not so sure about the recording but thanks for the feedback

[SmAshD DrumstiX]

i read it and hear 'song'
tho definatly could b a poem

[TK]

Not the usual terrible trash that gets posted in here, but not good by any means either.

[trizzasizza]

I like the way this is wrote and it really gives out emotion!

[beleriand]

thanks everyone. the fox and the hound is a cool movie ^

[PulZexCore]

I like it, a bit cliche, but, what isnt now a days.
good work