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JosiahJudgement
08/30/08, 08:50 PM
Bleeding today,
it'll be the same tomorrow.
My hearts filled with pain,
as this life's filled with sorrow.
Take careful aim,
soon my soul shall follow.
My life's filled with shame,
yet it still seems so hollow.

Break away; Break away.
Feel the pain,
I'll die today.
My heart is hurt,
life's a strain.
I don't know if
I can live this way.

Break away; Break away.
Tomorrow's day will hold my fate.
Break me in, or break away.
Will I always feel this hate?

So here we are,
bearing down on my heart.
So here you are,
tear me down from the start.

Abolish my soul
for this bloods on the floor;
leak from my veins
my body stands no more.
Cryings my tears.
My eyes are so sore.
Bruised and beaten,
my hearts on the floor.
furey
08/31/08, 02:01 AM
Not bad. it has its levels

i like this part:
Abolish my soul
for this bloods on the floor;
leak from my veins
my body stands no more.
JosiahJudgement
08/31/08, 03:28 PM
Haha thanks.

Yeh, it does have it's levels.
Which everything I write, I usually write in a matter
of minutes.
Thanks for the feedback ;]
#WhiteFender#
09/01/08, 08:15 PM
oh wow this hit me hard. i was a cutter for two years and my addiction got so bad that it, along with a suicide attempt landed me in the hospital for 2 months. very well written.
Seina
09/04/08, 02:58 AM
It seemed a little forced at times but there were alot of really great parts too.

I really liked...
"Tomorrow's day will hold my fate.
Break me in, or break away."
lew_1987
09/04/08, 05:25 AM
Work on your metaphors. A lot.
JosiahJudgement
09/04/08, 07:45 PM
oh wow this hit me hard. i was a cutter for two years and my addiction got so bad that it, along with a suicide attempt landed me in the hospital for 2 months. very well written.

Yeh, thanks. I've found that it hits some people hard, but it seems lie everyone on this forum just looks past it. which is fine - i need to work on my stuff to reach more people anyways!
Thanks though! :]

It seemed a little forced at times but there were alot of really great parts too.

I really liked...
"Tomorrow's day will hold my fate.
Break me in, or break away."

What do you meaned by "forced"? Sorry, I don't understand that.
But thanks for dropping in!

Work on your metaphors. A lot.
Haha, I suppose so. Thanks for the criticism though! I'll work harder