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wasteoftaste
11/09/04, 07:54 AM
here are a few brand new poems to read that are on my website (http://geocities.com/fromashes19) - your feedback on here and on website are greatly appericated :)

breaking through the crowd to fall in love with you

the lights flicker on and off
something is very odd here
a heart is frozen over
the screaming in the night
because you want the one
but don't give up
keep looking
don't give up
keeps seeking
choices still remain here
there still maybe hope
i'd die for you
i love you
i'd save you
i'll send myself to you
as the cool moon rises
the lonely soul begins to realizes
a mistake she knew she was making
you will never know what could have been
a step to the right will tell you something
you need a miracle
to save yourself from this
you need the angles to pray for me
another day, another worry
breaks right through this pain
yet this descion will leave me dry
keep turning pages you'll soon find yours
i can't believe you
believe in yourself
don't worry about me, i'll be fine
get better, don't give up
never give up
you'll never know what could have been
or all the smilies you gave to me
count each star, it'll spell out your name
hopefully each night, it'll be the same
yes it will
yes it will
yes it will
take me home

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dark side to our advantage

Breathing heavy I must fall
Throwing my weight all over the glory
Hopefully this mess will tell an untold story
Hold your arms wide open
Open enough for me to squeeze through
I have your heart in one arm
And a knife in the other
Beauty is hidden by your hate
Wish you would stich up my body
Want it to be enough for anybody
Are there any reasons for this will there ever be static
Static only comes in black and white
Something that will only be seen by sight
Hopefully your expression will kill the rest
The rest are a complete waste of time
Time is what I count on
Count on to get me through
Through all of this
This love and hate
Wish you would hate me
Hate
Me

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good thing your name isn’t at the business end

Scratch your long blonde hair if
You want me to tell you should or should not do
If things should ever get to head
Just know this little voice is telling you to go on
There’s nothing you can do
I’m like a bad habit
A habit you can get rid of
Something you can’t resist
Trust me brace you this isn’t good
This really is a material thing is isn’t
I know this taste
It’s not mine
That anxious taste you once loved
Isn’t here anyone to be more
So but this time it’s going to be different
This is the sentence for your trial
The look on your face
The significant will hold the blood
The blood of your body
Your body is gone
Your body is gone
Everybody is gone
But angel you will live

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i never knew how to spell your name right

please tell me your forever
because i dont want to bleed anymore
im sick of hurting
thats why i need you
as the clouds start to roll away
im dreaming of you
please tell me you feel something
i want this to be right
i need you in my life
to make everything right
as day turns into night
i believe this is right
the stars arrive for us tonight
so take a trip with me
i don't wanna loose you
i don't want to become a memory
your a million miles away
i want this to feel the same
the stars align for us tonight
i need you in my life tonight
i'll take that smile as a sign
i am for you
i will always be
never fad away
like my refelection
always say you need me
cause i will always need you
tell me you love me
give me those tender kisses
i shake when i get
so i ask you for this
love me
never break me
thats all i ask
all i ask

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tearless tears

I wish sometimes I could go inside your head
To see what you actually think
Think about when you’re alone by yourself
Do you actually waste time
Thinking about the bloodless dreams you desire
Or is that a made up tale
I wish to look around in your mind
Look at the scars that came after the storm
I cause im lost in your tears
I don’t know where im at
I know there are words that im
Not suppose to aim
But I wanted it to be easy
So nod your head if it’ll be the same
Think of the useless souls you used to blame
But please don’t send me away
Away to a sad story
But please don’t send this to be alone
But you said for this not to happen
That’s why I wish to enter your dreams
You always told me nothing is quite what it seems
But you want bother me
So nod your rightful head
Shut your eyes that are dead
Plans to stay the same
But we know this is just another useless game
Cry if you want me to walk away


again, please tell me what you think. thanks :)

JustLikeAMovie
11/09/04, 03:21 PM
i really like your ideas. Try expanding your word usage a little bit. Sometimes things sound a little bit forced too, also little things like spelling and grammar can help make it easier to read. I really do like your ideas though, the poems themselves are ok.